Rejection…the very word itself sends goose-bumps all over my body.  It isn’t a four letter word, yet almost everyone avoids it as if it were!  Rejection can be a motivator since most people will work extra hard to prevent its appearance in their lives.  It can be a destroyer as one child tells another on the playground, “I won’t be your friend anymore.”   Rejection can be positive as one rejects an evil act. However, he/she dared to take a stand!

            I am currently transcribing report card grades for my students.  When it comes to these little first grade students, my heart always tugs with my brain.  In our school, we have required letter grades for all students in first through twelfth grades.  I know that many schools refuse to give grades to these little ones.  However, I have wrestled with this for 50 years now…and I’ve concluded that it is a wise thing to assign the grades at this level.

            If I give in and give all my students the “one size fits all” grade, I will be guilty of assuring them that what effort they have put forth in our classroom is “just fine.”  There will be no need for them to expend any greater effort than that which they are giving now.  Well, this simply is NOT true for some of these students.  They must see a need for increased effort, or they may never reach their potential in school or in life.

            Local banks added to this dilemma by offering savings accounts with a donation for students who made all “A”s on their report cards.  Parents immediately wanted “A”s for their child to earn the bank’s rewards.  Yes, I immediately felt the pressure.

            Tonight I am wondering if this is one of those areas we have let slip into our culture, bringing with it problems of entitlement.  We see it all around us as people of all ages refuse to handle rejection.  We have jilted lovers taking innocent lives, disgruntled workers seeking revenge, and college students burning buildings in protest over not getting their way. 

            As I look back over my life, I remember several “rejections” which proved to be the best thing to ever happen.  My husband and I wanted to buy a condo in Tulsa our second year of marriage.  I thought I would be able to get the money we needed from a good source, but my request was rejected.  I soon found that rejection a wonderful thing…I became pregnant the next month…and we found in the small print of the condo contract the rule that “no children are permitted.”

            My husband won a superior service award from the Department of the Army for his work as the religious education director for Ft. Sill one night, only to receive a reduction in forces notice two days later.  We thought it was the end of our world.  However, that rejection for contract renewal led him to a different degree pursuit and a very successful and fulfilling career.  We both felt it was the best thing ever to happen to us.

            So, I sit here again pondering the grades I shall be entering on the report cards before me.  My mind wanders back to my first teaching experience as a classroom teacher.  I had a student whose parents gave him everything he ever wanted.  So, his birthday wish at six years of age was for a motorcycle.  He already had bikes, 3-wheelers, etc.  They argued over grades for him, too.  I am so sad to say, he led an unhappy life…and finally accidently killed himself at a very young age after drug problems.    As hard as it feels, I shall be entering some “C” grades…but perhaps those little ones will accept the challenge to put forth greater effort.          

-          Kay

Okay… you’ll get no argument from me:  rejection stinks.  I don’t know of anyone who actively seeks rejection.  It is inevitable, though.  Everyone may get a trophy on your elementary soccer team, but a boss can’t give a single position to multiple applicants.  So how do you successfully help someone process rejection?  I have a couple of ideas.  (What else is new, huh?!)

     The first way to prepare for rejection is to not avoid it.    To not attempt something because of fear of rejection is to limit our possibilities.  My husband gave my daughter a jewelry dish with an inspirational saying on it this week.  It said, “Shoot for the moon.  If you fail, you’ll still be among the stars.”  We have to encourage our kids to take risks, even if rejection is possible.

      To process rejection, we must use hindsight.  When the opportunity for success does come, we must go back and evaluate how things might have worked out differently if we had not been rejected in the first place.  Would we have gotten this new opportunity?  Every time we have a rejection and then a new (and possibly better) opportunity, we need to figuratively build what in the Old Testament they called an ebenezer.  An ebenezer is a stack of stones designed to remind people of what God did at that particular spot.  We need to remind ourselves of those better opportunities that came along.

      It also helps to look at reality as opposed to how we feel.  Rejection feels like the end of the world, but in reality, it is just a temporary setback.  From that rejection will come evaluation and then strength and growth if we can quickly get over the “licking our wounds” part of rejection. 

     Unfortunately, the best way to put rejection into perspective is through repeated opportunities to practice.  Our self-worth CANNOT be decided by rejection or acceptance from others.  We will experience both repeatedly.  We must teach our kids to use the rejection and acceptance to alter their behavioral habits in a way that betters them.

-          Michelle

Spring Break

Somebody forgot to tell Spring, but it is Spring Break in our part of the country! We're taking the week off. Proud Mama and Grandma want to congratulate Bria for winning (along with three teammates) the prestigious Jack Koten Case Study Award from the Arthur W. Page Society. We are so very proud of her!!!! Follow this link to read more about it:

http://www.instituteforpr.org/third-consecutive-year-depaul-university-students-take-top-honors-page-society-case-study-competition

Keeping it Real

Teaching lessons for life… that should be every teacher’s ultimate goal.  After all, we have the awesome task of preparing our students for a future which none of us have ever seen!  With such a responsibility, I must keep myself updated, knowledgeable, and constantly asking the question, “What if…?”  Personally, I love the challenge.

            At the same time, I have felt the calling to do my part to change or at least have some effect upon the “predicted future” which someone has put forth that casts a negative shadow upon this land I love.  I am speaking specifically about Russia’s prediction by Khrushev at the United Nations when he said, “We will bury you! … You will fall into our hands like a ripe lemon falls off a tree!”  Of course, this means I must make my students aware of the intent of those words first.  Then, I must challenge them not to be a part of the decay from within of which Khrushev spoke.

            My math classes are an example of how I try to make learning a life-long process.  I teach students that the math practice pages are like using the owner’s manual for a new tool.  Once we know how to use the basic operations that are in our math tool chest, there are many uses for solving real life problems.  After all, I explain that everything in life is either an “addition situation” or a “subtraction action.”  We either add to something, or we take something away.  The rest of those pages in the stream of math books are only different illustrations of how these tools can be used.  It sure relieves a lot of their anxiety when they discover that multiplication is only “warp speed addition,” and division is only “warp speed subtraction!”  I have learned that children can learn anything if we put it into terms they can understand.  My fourth and fifth graders are having fun with algebraic equations (not in the standard textbooks for that grade) because we use concrete objects for the variables, and then apply common sense to solve the unknown.  As they say, “This is fun!”

            As my science students have learned to look at “what is” and then ask “what if...,” we have had the good fortune of being the recipients of several national awards.  The creative problem solving was informative and confidence-building for the teacher and the students!  Several have gone on to seek a future in medicine and science research.  Now that’s what I call an education!

            In summary, it is far better for students to be problem solvers while in school…mistakes are not subjected to world-wide ramifications…and there is always the next school day, week, or semester to learn from our mistakes.  Yes, I’ll say it again: “I love what I do!”       

-          Kay

According to Urban Dictionary, keeping it real means staying true to yourself, your faith, your life and constantly seeking the truth. This is an interesting idea when considering children and teenagers. All of the students who are currently in high school, junior high or elementary school are a part of Gen Z, or the technology natives. This means these kids grew up with technology; many of them did not know a world where computers, phones and tablets weren't the norm. This also means that these kids grew up with the media, specifically social media. Myspace was created in 2003, 14 years ago, so only the oldest high school students lived in a world where social media did not exist.

    This is incredibly significant because social media has provided a platform through which people can compare their lives to their friends’ lives. Social media encourages users to present the best version of themselves rather than keeping it real. We all choose to share the best parts of our life-pictures that make us seem happier or prettier or more successful than we actually are. This can be incredibly damaging to a young user’s self-esteem. Teenage years are already incredibly hard without the added pressure of comparing themselves online and having their worth measured by the number of likes they get on a selfie. This is something with which past generations have not had to grow up, and I truly believe that social media and increasing expectations and beauty standards have contributed to increased rates of depression, eating disorders and body dysmorphia in teenagers and young adults.

    As adults we have the responsibility to protect young people during this fragile time in their adolescence. I am not saying that you should completely isolate your children from social media. It is something with which we have to learn to live. What I’m saying is that we need to be aware of our children’s interactions on social media. I know many parents of teenagers that require their children to be friends with them on any social media network they use. This is a good way to be aware of what your children are posting, sharing and commenting on social media. This allows you as a parent to catch any red flags without completely invading your child’s privacy. If you see something alarming, talk to your child about it. Also, make sure your children understand that people put their best foot forward on social media and that it is harmful to compare yourself to others’ social media profiles. There is a safe way to allow your children to experience social media; you just need to take a few precautions to ensure their safety.

Bria

        You’ve heard the kids – “When am I ever going to use this?!”    For that matter, many a worker has said the same thing at a professional development seminar!  Now more than ever, making sure that new knowledge is applicable to real life is so very important.  When you show kids how what they are currently doing will make them better at what they want to do later, you’re bound for success. 

        Earlier this week, my high school students and I attended the West Oklahoma National Speech and Debate Association state meet.  We were gathering information for competition next year.  It was so amazing to have the kids report back to me that the events were applicable to what they would be doing in their eventual jobs.  That alone provided the motivation for the kids to want to join in.  And they are right… this program will ensure that they are not boring speakers!

       As I was driving the bus back from the trip, I was utilizing the time to think of new ways to improve writing in our elementary and to make English more applicable for the kids in my middle school.  It dawned on me that the way I became proficient at English was by editing other’s work.  I would look up rules to make sure I didn’t tell someone wrong information, and my confidence in editing grew with each appreciative remark for my efforts. If I want the kids to actually use what they learn in English, they should actually use what they learn in English! Duh, huh? 

      Beginning fourth quarter, my middle school English classes will begin editing our elementary students’ writing.  My students will have assigned writers so that they can watch for trends and let the teachers know repeated issues.  The elementary students will become better writers, and my students will be using what they are learning in my English class just like an editor, teacher, or writer would.  It’s real, and therefore worth learning!

      My high schoolers definitely know the benefit of “keeping it real.”  We were discussing how to get more secondary students to come to our school.  We know Instagram is the new way to “advertise,” but we couldn’t figure out what to say that would convince a kid to leave his huge school and join us.  I was about to give it up as a lost cause when my kids suddenly articulated a vision I had been nursing for many years.  I have always wanted to eventually make our arts gala open to secondary students all over the area. “Why don’t we open our art festival and Open Mic stage to area students?  Then they can see what we offer?”  It was like they crawled into my brain!  I know that the kids will cause this festival to be successful… because it’s “real.”  It matters.  If affects.  It influences. 

     That’s all your kids want:  to matter – to affect – to influence.  Why wait till they’re adults?  Make what they’re doing now is real.  Also make sure that what they want to do with their lives is based on reality… but that’s a subject for another time!     

-          Michelle

Setting Limits

“Setting Limits” sounds an awful lot like a previous topic we had:  boundaries.  To keep from repeating myself, I am going to focus on setting limits with children, whereas boundaries are more of what I set for myself.

So, who am I to tell you what limits to set on your child?  Well, I am the person with whom you leave your child for seven to nine hours a day.  Your setting or not setting limits greatly affects how my day goes!  As I relate to you my thoughts on setting limits, please understand that I am probably speaking for a lot of teachers and child care givers out there.

Here are six areas in which I see a great variance in limits. 

·         Talking.  Talking too much is not the issue.  Believe me, our school is not always quiet and my teachers know they are not the “silence police.” It’s incessant verbalization of  every thought that comes into a child's head.  He is not necessarily talking to anybody.  He is just talking.  This talking includes sound effects, and it’s a non-stop barrage of noise.  What would help?  Sitting through a church service or movie quietly… without head phones and an iPad as a distraction.

·         Technology.  Yes, the kids are able to multitask better and learn things earlier intellectually through the advances in technology.  But they can’t tie their shoes or cut with scissors.  Young children need time building with Legos and Lincoln Logs to increase dexterity in their fingers.  A little time with actual block building could save you thousands in occupational therapy later.

·         Internet Access.  Oh my goodness, the things your kids know!  Teaching in secondary, I get to hear a lot about how your kids go around the precautions you set for them.  The only true way to limit the effect of the internet on your kids is to wait till middle school to allow them on the Internet, limit the amount of time on it, require that it be used in a family room so that some off-the-cuff monitoring is possible, and take all technology away when homework, eating, or sleeping are your objectives.  Kids cannot control the desire to keep playing or drawing or watching.  Heck, some parents can’t either.  Don’t allow yourself to believe that they will do what you ask them to behind their closed bedroom door.  Even the nicest of my kids is currently deceiving parents in one fashion or another regarding the Internet.  And they do not believe they are wrong to do it.  We’re just “old-fashioned.”

·         Privileges.  Why is it called PG-13?  Could it be that those who study brain development felt that children under 13 might be scared or disturbed by the content?  Hmmm.  I wonder.  Okay, I will admit that I don’t always pay attention to that 13 part either.  I think you can argue that a privilege or two early is not detrimental.  You have not created a monster until your child feels he is entitled to any privilege you have whenever he wants it.  There’s something to be said for “paying your dues.”  Your child will not die in the process of waiting for the right age for a certain privilege.

·         Choice.  A child’s choices should include what to wear, in which extra-curricular activities to participate, with whom to play, what to do with gift money… those kinds of things.  A child should not be choosing bed times or dictating meals or quitting everything started.  There’s a reason he has a parent.  The parent is supposed to teach the child about the consequences of choices.  That can’t happen if there never are any!

·         Excuses.  Your child has a choice to be a victim or a hero.  Two of my favorite sayings involve excuses:  1) Excuses only satisfy the person making them, and 2) Life’s hard.  Get a helmet.  If a child is reasoning out how he got to a certain point, yippee!  That’s what he’s supposed to do.  But, if he is just making excuses for not reaching the desired goal, show him where the excuses don’t forgive the action (or inaction). 

    Raising kids nowadays is difficult.  I know every generation of parents says that, but I want you to know that we teachers DO see how much harder it is for parents today.  Between the sheer amount of inappropriate material available to your child through the internet to talking heads all telling you how to raise your child (me included, I know!), you have a monumental task.  When all else fails, do what parents for generations have been doing:  recognize your job and take it seriously.  Your child doesn’t need more friends; he needs a parent.

-          Michelle

We live in a world of limits. Mathematicians work with limits. Drivers have speed limits. Even  our own bodies limit us sometimes. Depending on the situation, we choose whether or not to comply with these limits. Regardless of our acceptance, breaking these limits can and often will result in consequences.

Throughout our lives we will also impose limits on ourselves. For some people this might be limiting intake of food or maybe even alcohol. Others choose to limit their screen time. Parents often choose to set limits for their children. These might include limiting their sugar consumption, time spent playing video games, or how late the child is allowed to stay up. All of these are important practices to create routine and balance in the child’s life, but there comes a point when the child needs to learn to set limits for himself.

My parents taught me to be independent at a young age. I woke myself up in the morning, I did my own laundry and when necessary, I was able to make my own meals. They did not have to force me to do my homework because they trusted me to finish it, and I knew there would be consequences if I fell behind in my school work. These were all incredibly important lessons for me because they established a pattern of independence that I have carried with me throughout adulthood.

I have these important lessons instilled in me because I was allowed to set my own limits in a safe environment where the stakes were lower. This allowed me to learn how to set limits and follow them. If I had to learn this in my adult life, the failure would mean more severe consequences. By teaching your children to be independent and set their own limits, you are establishing healthy and important practices that they will carry out into adulthood.

-          Bria

Setting limits…This is probably one of the hardest things for a person to accomplish, whether for him/ herself, for the children, or for life in general.  Because it is so difficult, self-help books are for sale by the millions.  Yet, it remains a constant nagging problem in our society.  In fact, I just turned off the news this morning after hearing of a three-year-old child killed by a drunken driver who was running down people celebrating at Mardi Gras.  The driver certainly had not set limits for drinking.

            Just this past week, I watched an anguished couple grieving over the death of their two-year-old child who ran out of the house and into the path of a car.  The couple wanted to tell others to keep a close watch on their children to avoid such a tragedy in their lives.  It struck home with me because as a child, I was a sleep-walker.  My mother feared I would leave the house in the night.  How did she prevent that?  She locked the door high enough so I couldn’t reach it.  Problem solved.

            I am not surprised that children run into traffic, start up and drive cars, fire guns, and often wind up in the news.  Many people today are so busy with their own lives (I won’t go into my usual rant about parents holding and watching their cell phones rather than their children) that they fail to take preventative steps to protect their children.  These steps could be as easily done as making the child hold their hand.

               More and more children today are “kids without limits.”    It becomes harder to teach academics in schools when so much more time is necessary to teach students how to limit their inhibitions.  Do I have a magic pill or formula for fixing this problem?  No.  However, I have learned that this “affective” side of education is extremely important.  I try to include in my daily lesson plans some activities which afford time to practice “working within limits.”    I also make sure I don’t give in to emotional manipulation by students.  When students say, “But we were better than before, so can we have the reward, too?” I hold my ground.  If I want a poor behavior eliminated, I must be consistent and hold to the standard.  Yes, some parents do thank me for the changes they have seen in their child’s behavior.  So, I just continue helping students recognize and work within limits…winning one child at a time. 

            As for me, I continue to work on setting limits for my use of time.  I used to be able to multitask quite well.  Now, nature itself is teaching me to set limits.  It’s called “old age!”      

- Kay

Playing by the Rules

Playing by the rules…This is a saying that has many meanings, depending upon who is talking or what rules are being considered.  I certainly hear a lot of people using this phrase today.  My students insist upon this as a summation of their gripes during playground games.  Political parties throw wild accusations of this not being done by the opposition.  The citizens of our country claim the government is very unfair in seeing that everyone but the government plays by the rules.  The government, it seems, is exempt.

            It is important that we agree to a moral set of rules by which we all can receive guidance.  The absolutes in those rules, such as the Ten Commandments and The U. S. Constitution, keep us united and prevent anarchy. 

            The problem is that many people choose to change the rules to fit their own desires.  The rules keep changing so much that it appears no one is following “the rules.”  In our world, we deal with power struggles as people want to control the “rules of the game.”  Situational ethics brought on a frontal assault which has steadily weakened our understanding of “playing by the rules.”

            My personal attitude is that I will continue to teach my students about the two absolute rules: The Ten Commandments and the U.S. Constitution.  With these codes of expected behavior, I can lead students to measure up to the standards.  This process will allow all our citizens to measure our success in learning to “play by the rules.”    

-           Kay

Throughout life we are asked to abide by a series of rules. These rules will change with the context of the situation in which you find yourself. What doesn't change is the expectation that we should follow these rules.

I am of the illustrious Millennial generation that companies want to target and the media wants to understand. Members of my generation have taken it upon themselves to push the boundaries and bend the rules. We reject ideology that is not consistent with our beliefs, and when someone says we can't do something, we refuse to accept no as an answer.

This has changed the way we do business and conduct our lives. When we cannot find a job that fits our ambitions, we create a startup company that meets the needs we wish to fulfill. We are not lawbreakers, but we are not afraid to question the rules and think outside the box.

This innovative, ambitious approach is great for adults that are pursuing their dreams and creating their careers. However, it can be hard for parents when they are dealing with children that don't follow the rules. Children are growing up in a Millennial’s world, seeing artists, creators and innovators constantly pushing the boundaries of traditional career paths. It can be really exciting to see all of this amazing work and interesting stories of how these people found success. What is important to remind our children is that you have to learn the rules before you can break them. Much like in writing, you must first go through proper grammatical training before you can begin playing around with style and format. Once a child understands the rules, he is able to push the boundaries and realize his full potential. Teaching him the line between bending rules to pursue his dream and breaking the rules for the sake of breaking them will set your child up for future success.

-          Bria

Before I begin, I feel it only fair to tell you that my playing by the rules is dependent upon who makes the rules.  I follow rules completely, and I expect others to as well.  But rules… not so much.  The difference?  Rules are decided by those properly placed in authority and are intended for my benefit and the benefit of those around me.  Rules, on the other hand, are the set of parameters within which I must function to be considered “in” by the group of people in which I am associating. I occasionally follow those.  I stay within the parameters with hygiene and appropriate behavior and such.  Instead of the stock standard principal’s suit and low-heeled pumps, though, you’re more likely to find me in colored jeans and Chucks.  (That’s Converse… to date I have 76 pair.)

    I am not a real “joiner.”  I was never the sorority type, and I only join associations for the sake of students who want to compete.  If I don’t join, then I have one less set of rules by which to be bound, right?  And, one less group of people to make mad when I ignore their rules!  

    Nevertheless, I do abide by the rules of the “organizations” in which I am involved.  Those organizations include my family, my work, my city, state, and nation, and my religion.  All of these work more smoothly when its members follow the rules.

    As a principal, I am in charge of making and enforcing rules every day.  The one thing I have learned is that consistency is the key.  At the secondary level, we rarely have major discipline problems.  The stakes are just too high.  Those who disobey face extra-curricular restriction, suspension, or loss of privileges to travel with us for out-of-town events.  The students also understand the goal:  making them the most marketable to colleges and, later, to employers. 

   At the elementary level, though, the consequences are not quite as tough because of their ages, and I find myself disciplining a whole lot more than I would like.  I am in constant search of the consequence that they DO mind.  It’s like 50 First Dates, with students returning the next day with no memory of the consequences of yesterday!

    I am old enough to have been teaching during the days of paddling.  I had one principal who utilized spanking especially well.  It was a last resort, but when it came, it did hurt.  Consequently, no one got it twice.  Rarely were more than four kids spanked a year, and we had a great school of children who got to the business of learning because rules were followed.

    It’s a different day now, though, and spanking as a method of discipline in the schools does not work.  The negative press on spanking outweighs the seriousness of the disobedience, and all is lost.  So, I continue to search for the perfect discipline to ensure that teachers can teach and students can learn without the interruption of rule-breakers… if there is such a thing.

    It’s worth noting, however, that I am a rule follower in one area:  my rules.  I don’t take medication till it’s absolutely necessary, I don’t go to parties at which I am going to be asked to buy something, and I don’t let students sell products door-to-door to raise funds at school.  Even my wearing of Converse is somewhat a rule I am finding hard to break.  I began wearing them to have something to identify with the kids.  Hey, check out my Chucks!  They glow in the dark!  As my feet age, I find that the support is not so great, and I really should move to something more my age... but I have 76 pair!  And I bought them for a reason!  I need to recognize my rule for what it is:  a set of parameters imposed by me… and thereby, break-able by me.

-          Michelle

Finishing Strong

We’re in the final stretch, bases loaded, summer vacation is just around the corner. Just a few more tests, events and papers to be finished... time to coast right through to the end of the year, right? Wrong. This is go time.

It can be hard to stay motivated through the end of the year. Believe me, I understand. The end of this year will be the end of my last year in school ever. I can't wait to walk across that stage. For others, it might not be the impending vacation or end of the year. It might be excitement to start the next year. Maybe next year is their first year of high school or college. While it's great to be excited for the future, we need to remember to be present in the present.

We still have grades that count and assignments that will affect our GPA. We still have events and activities that matter and deserve our full, undivided attention. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in what lies ahead that we forget to focus on the important things that are going on around us. It’s great to start out strong, but we also have to finish strong.

If you are having trouble staying motivated and focused, there are techniques maintaining focus. One thing that I have done to keep my eye on the prize is to set smaller goals related to the rest of my time in school. If I know that staying focused will maintain my GPA, it is easier to get motivated. For others it might be setting specific performance goals going into end-of-the-year competitions. I also find that filling out my calendar with the rest of my obligations for the year has helped me put everything into perspective. Now, I can take control of my workload, understanding on what I need to get ahead, and what can wait.

It might be slow, it might be hard, but we are all going to make it through the end of this school year. We are going to work hard and at the end of it all, we have a great vacation ahead of us. Stay focused, stay motivated and finish strong.

-          Bria

      Finish strong could easily become my mantra as I am now only two months away from my 73rd birthday.  I have especially become aware of this thought since I have recently had shoulder surgery and am in my fifteenth week of physical rehabilitation, and on top of this I am in my second week of nursing a chronic case of laryngitis. 

            I look back at my life and realize that, eventually, we all pay for choices we make earlier in life.  For example, I wore three-inch high heels every day I taught for thirty years…and later in life, I had to have surgery done on both feet to correct the damage I wrought.  My husband and I enjoyed ballroom dancing, and now we are both wishing we could still “cut a rug” like we did in our youth.  Alas, those days seem far away.

            I took great pride in the fact that I only missed a week of teaching school for surgery in my early thirties, and after that, only about three or four days total over my fifty year teaching career.  So, I consider myself an exceptionally strong person.  Now, with age and the aftereffects of surgery, I find myself more aware of my vulnerability.  Now, it takes extra effort and preparation to be sure that I finish strong! 

            Often I told my students as they rehearsed music and/or plays, “You must really work on the beginning and the ending the hardest.”  My reasoning is that, if the beginning of a performance is not a strong one, people will be turned off and leave, or moan to themselves about having to endure a painful experience.  And, if the finish is very strong, people will go away remembering what they just experienced as a wonderful event!  The middle part may have flaws, but with a strong beginning and finish, most audiences are quite forgiving…and forgetful!

            We often look back and long for those exciting middle years of life.  I personally think a woman is at her height of beauty during her forties.  The children are usually in secondary school or college by then, and one is able to have fun and excitement with his/her spouse.  Yet, it is also during this time that many marriages fall apart and midlife crises appear.  The strong usually weather the storms, but many give in and throw in the towel during those turbulent times.  As I look back, I am thankful that my husband and I were able to survive that middle part of our fifty-two years together.  I compare it to our sailing days when our boat was leaning 15+ degrees in the wind, and I was fighting hard to hold in the sheets with the lines in my hands, and my husband guiding the rudder to smoother seas.  It was worth the effort when we pulled into dock with a safe and sound boat and crew.  Life is like that.

-          Kay

Traditionally in January and February of the academic year, private schools are already looking at the next academic year.  We are busy learning the intentions of our current students so that we can begin enrolling new students in March.  Parents are inquisitive about next year’s starting date so they can plan vacations, and 5th graders shadow in the middle school so they won’t be quite so terrified about what’s ahead.  All of this anticipation is exciting, but it can cause us to lose focus on the current academic year.

     And if there’s one distinctive characteristic of gifted people, it’s that we are great starters, but we tend to want to move on to the next adventure before the first is done.  It’s why I require two semesters of a 3.2 GPA or higher for admission into our honor society.  Some of my gifted will do the first semester each year and then blow it in the second.  I want them to see that they have to stay the course for the prize ahead.

     The inherent danger in planning for the future too soon is the lack of desire to continue if the future is not what we expected.  For instance, a student who learns in January that he will not be returning in the fall sometimes quits right then and there.  It is a form of protest because he doesn’t want to leave, but the family is moving… or they cannot afford to continue… or he has done something to lose the privilege of private school… or his parents just don’t care for our program.  Whatever the reason, he is miserable.  And you know the old adage about those in misery:  Misery loves company. 

      Yesterday (Feb. 10) it was 95°!  The song birds greeted me as I left my house, and I knew spring was on the way.  What?!  It’s February!  Spring fever will come even earlier than it usually does.  How does a teacher of gifted fight the constant barrage of events that threaten her students’ focus on the spring semester?  First, I must acknowledge it.  I, too, loved the warmth on my skin and the chance not to wear a coat.  Second, I need to remind my students of the goals/prizes ahead.  We have state competitions in several events, and we have huge end-of-the-year trips for those who maintain their 3.2 or higher GPAs.  Third, I help those not returning to see the value of finishing well with head held high, rather than slinking out in an embarrassed manner. 

     I must admit that I cheat a little, too.  I stack the spring semester with all of the most rewarding and exciting events.  Then I require the kids to maintain an acceptable GPA or face extra-curricular restriction, a punishment that forfeits all the “fun” stuff if the “necessary” stuff is not done well.  Consequently, I hear all the time, “Why did the year go so fast?  I don’t want it to be over!”  That’s more reward to this teacher/administrator than a two-week vacation!

      Parents, if your child has learned that you will eventually do the chore he started but didn’t finish, I need you to know that you are working directly against me.  It’s not the “thought that counts” here at school; it’s the product.  I know it’s easier to just do it rather than fight over it with your teenagers, and they know that, too.  That’s why they fight you.  Pretty smart, huh?  Finish the good work you began by helping your child know the value of a job well done.  Your future son or daughter-in-law will thank you!

-          Michelle

Jack-of-All-Trades

“Jack of all trades, and master of none.”  I have often used this quote to describe myself to my students.  I’m not sure of the origin of the phrase; however, I felt it described my abilities quite accurately.  I am a person who has always been able to accomplish many different things, although I can’t say that I “mastered” any of them.           

            It is this trait of mine that has often brought me success.  Perhaps I didn’t know better than to try something at which I might be less than perfect.  Anyway, I was voted most versatile by my fellow students in Junior College and felt humbled by their vote of confidence.  All I knew was that if someone asked me to do anything, I would accomplish it or die trying.  I’m still alive, so I survived!  People soon learned they could always count on me.  Looking back upon it, maybe I was fortunate that I didn’t fail!

            This versatility became very important to me as an educational administrator.  I learned to hire teachers and staff members who were also able to “wear many hats.”  Whenever student population fluctuated, or funding became critical, I had staff members who could easily be moved to fill a different position.  This gave staffing security to me, but also job security to the staff members.  Our school was also able to offer many different programs due to the abilities of these people.

            How did I become such a person?  Perhaps it was due to my father being on the road as a truck driver who was never home.  I undertook many tasks that he would have filled had he been home.  That surely contributed to my “can do” attitude.  As I have written before, being a gifted student placed in a program with wealthier students, I learned to improvise. 

            Another reason I have developed this trait is that I believe in the literal statement from Jesus Christ that “nothing is impossible with God.”  I also lived with the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Armed with such resources, how could I fail?  The promise was that if I fit my life into God’s plans for me (see Psalm 139), He would bless my every effort with success.  God has never failed me yet.

            I’ve often said that the human mind is capable of much more than we use.  Gifted people just use their brain differently.  It has been my joy over these fifty years to teach students how to develop their abilities with confidence.  It is people like me who can do many things well who can encourage those who will “master” the arts, etc. because they have the dedication to that specific calling.  So, I am happy to share talents and successes with others in the hope of igniting a “creative fire” within them which may give birth to another great composer, musician, artist, or scientist.  It’s exciting!

-          Kay

    If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times:  We gifted tend to be Jacks-of-all trades and masters of none.  I am usually trying to explain to students in the secondary why others might have beaten them at a competition OR I’m attempting to define “gifted” as those who learn equally well in all modalities and thus seem to have multiple strengths and talents.  Whether used to comfort or to encourage, the tendency remains somewhat of a truth for most gifted individuals.  In fact, I build my secondary program completely around this thought.  I tell the kids not to pigeonhole themselves with one great talent or skill.  Instead, they should make themselves more marketable by being able to do many things well.  To that end, I require that all of my secondary students participate in speech competitions and robotics or engineering fair (dependent upon age).  Then I ask them to also compete in vocal music, band, and math competitions while holding offices in student government and honor societies.   

    Now, as I sit on the precipice of integrating a sports program into our school, I find myself wondering just how many “trades” are too many.  The high school students and I have been trying out ideas that will allow students to compete across the board (if desired) without causing a permanent state of stress. 

    The trick is to get gifted kids to “try” something new.  Many won’t for fear of failure, but most, once they have, find they’re pretty good at it.  So I walk a tightrope between “pushing” and “allowing” students to be in multiple activities. 

   I will admit, though, that I don’t like losing any more than my students do.  Within hours of a defeat, I have a whole new strategy planned for winning, which begs the question:  Should I require less, but require that “less” be better? My own children stayed at Lawton Academy because they wanted to participate in multiple electives and that was not an option at their designated public school. 

    So, in our upcoming sports program, we will offer recreational team opportunities for those who would like to be able to play on an office or church team when they are adults, and we will offer competitive team opportunities for those who find they are really pretty good and want to advance their opportunities in that sport.  To free up some time for sports, we will loosen the reigns on the fine arts, “requiring” only one credit per semester but “allowing” more if desired. 

   Like a typical gifted person, I want to be the Jack AND the master!  I guess I shouldn’t expect less from my students. 

-          Michelle

At least once in her life, a gifted person will be labeled a “jack of all trades.” This basically means that we are pretty good at a lot of things. In school this is great because it means we are involved in a variety of extracurricular activities and competitions. These can all be great experiences for students, expanding their social circles and building their self confidence. Many of these activities also build important career skills for students. Aside from all those benefits, the child typically has a really good time doing extracurriculars.

However, there is a second half of the statement, “jack of all trades.” The second part of this sentence reads, “master of none.” This is the tricky part of the lifestyle. Because a jack of all trades is pretty good at a lot of different things, he does not typically have the time or desire to become a master of any particular skill. This has good and bad attributes because it gives your child a variety of experiences and skills in which he is proficient, but few that have been given the discipline and time it takes to become an expert.

One problem I ran into in school was the fact that the kids I was competing against were not jacks of all trades; they were masters of one - the one in which we were competing. This was discouraging because it was so hard to beat these competitors. There has to be a point where a gifted student comes to terms with the lifestyle of a jack of all trades. Once he understands that being involved in a lot of activities means he isn’t going to be able to win every competition, he can enjoy being able to experience so much.

The reality is, all of these activities will directly translate to marketable skills. These fun activities are broadening your child’s work range and experience. At the end of the day, it is a healthy and smart thing for a student to explore her interests in a safe environment because it helps her discover what she might want to do professionally.

-          Bria

Perfecting

So here we are at the end of January. Let’s check-in on those New Year’s resolutions. Did you quit smoking? Did you go to the gym every day? How about the January cleanse; did anyone stick to that? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a better person than I. More likely, we probably have all given up on our resolutions by this point of the year. I’m not trying to shame anyone. I just think that resolutions set us up to fail.

Perfecting is a process. We will spend our entire lives perfecting ourselves, but we will never reach perfection. That is something with which we must come to terms. Resolutions are good in a way because they cause us to identify what we would like to change about ourselves; however, resolutions are not sustainable because of the pressure to start off so fast and strong. By creating a plan that is more sustainable and incremental, we can continue the process of perfecting and reach attainable goals.

Time spent in school is a perfect example of a period of our lives spent perfecting. We spend years incrementally learning advanced concepts and theories, one step at a time. For example, we spend years perfecting mathematics. We start in kindergarten learning our numbers. Once we perfect this skill, we learn how to add them together or to subtract one from another. We spend years learning how to use numbers, learning equations and theories, and integrating these numbers into other aspects of our lives. Although we will never be perfect at math, we spend years perfecting that skill.

Similarly, we spend school years perfecting social behavior and people skills. We learn at a young age to play nice with others and to share. As we go throughout school, we learn about friendships and relationships and appropriate social interactions. These skills are carried out through our adult lives. Like math, we never perfect social interactions, but we spend our lives perfecting these skills.

When dealing with your children, it is important to remember that they are perfecting, not perfect. There will likely be things that frustrate you as they go through this process, but remember that they are learning and evolving as people. We as adults have not and will not ever reach perfection, so let’s make sure we don’t demand perfection from our children.

-          Bria

    The hardest objective of an English teacher is getting students to revise a piece of writing.  They’re well into high school before they realize that their first ideas are not necessarily their best.  I tell the kids that revising is a life skill.  We just call it perfecting when there’s no essay involved. 

     It’s exciting to me when a student learns the value of perfecting a skill or an event.  There’s not a kid alive who doesn’t believe the way to get better at a sport is by perfecting his skill set.  Students are equally willing to perfect singing or playing an instrument or drawing or such.  But when it comes to school work, often the first shot is the only shot. No one wants to perfect his handwriting or math skills or a foreign language. 

     So when I have a speech kids critiquing each other’s public speaking in an effort to perfect, I get excited.  When students ask for additional math problems so they can be sure they understand a concept before a test, I rejoice.  My greatest joy is when a student with a behavior issue seeks help to make a change.  Are these kids alive only in my dreams?  No, the gifted students at our school do this all the time. 

     I get a kick out of saying the following to our students:  Your teachers here are tools.  I, of course, follow it up with the rest of the idea: we’re tools for their use in reaching their goals.  Nothing makes me happier than to be used productively by a self-driven student to reach his/her goal.

     You can help your child in this area, Mom and Dad.  When your child half-does a chore, have him do it again, but better.  Teach your child that any work done and associated with his name should bring pride.  And don’t make excuses for why he doesn’t measure up.  Gifted kids love standards, mostly because it gives them something to beat.

      Sometimes parents travel with our students to an event, and some are shocked to see what their children can do when pushed to revise and create.  If you teach them that the revisions are to make them better and not just to exercise your authority over them, you might be surprised at what your child can create.

-          Michelle