Perfecting…. it is the act of making something perfect.  That, in a nutshell, sums up the definition of teaching!  We are always striving to perfect our lesson plans, to make concepts clearer for students, and to cover everything expected to be learned in a certain grade level in a limited space of time.

                Needless to say, we never reach perfection!  That would be next to impossible since we are teaching students to be prepared for a future which no one has ever seen before!  What a difficult task we have undertaken.  Yet, I love the challenge…and that’s why I teach.

                I’ve been in the educational field for five decades, so I’ve watched the proverbial pendulum swing back and forth a few times.  We visit and revisit teaching concepts and learn new research and theories about how students learn.  About the time we “adopt” one of these theories, new research comes out to show the flaws, and we find ourselves back to square one.  I’ve watched the jargon and “buzz” words come and go: paradigm shift, multiple intelligences, objective based learning, etc.  Guess what?  Much of education has changed very little over the years.  Oh yes, the delivery systems have gone through a big change with technological advances.  However, even with the latest technology, students who are not interested in the task or skill at hand manage to find other things on which to concentrate.  The results are the same: a bad grade. 

                If we are seeking to bring about the process of “perfecting” a skill or action, we need to know what the finished product should look like for comparison.  How else will we know if we have achieved the goal?  Thus, in our field we set up a rubric by which to judge the end product.  Statements like, “The student shall be able to…” become the comparison chart for evaluating the degree of perfecting we have accomplished.  Students and teachers can then set goals for accomplishing the next stage towards perfection of that skill. 

                In the educational field, this is an everyday process.  Life, however, is not so easy.  How can children learn to be kind, caring, and cultured if there isn’t a handy rubric for them to consult?  Children are quick to adopt “monkey see, monkey do” reasoning in their lives now.  But where are the “exemplary” monkeys they should be watching and mimicking?  Our latest election process has shown a great void exists in our country.

                My conclusion is this: the quality of being perfect is “completeness” so that nothing is wanting.  It is the highest state of excellence.  Jesus said, “Be ye perfect, even as your Father in Heaven in perfect.” (Matt. 5)  I am told that this statement in the original language means “becoming perfect.”  So, it is my task to make sure that each day I am a little better than I was the day before, although I cannot reach such perfection in this life.  Christ washed my sins and failures away with His death so that I may one day have eternal life with Him.  He is my rubric, my example.  As I follow His ways, seek His will for my life, He leads me and makes the path straight for me.  How blessed I am.

-          Kay

Different

It is interesting to talk about the topic of different the same weekend as the Presidential inauguration. This election period has done more to expose what is different about our nation than any other. Currently, we have a divided country. The media has played upon what is different about the two political parties, and it has driven a separation worse than we have seen in a long time. While it is easy to focus on what makes us different, we need to realize what makes us similar.

This weekend saw large numbers gather to watch President Trump sworn into office. at the same, three times as many people marched in protest. This number only represents the numbers marching in D.C. Across the nation and all around the world we saw people marching to protest a President who does not uphold their values.

Whatever side of the argument you are on, it is hard to argue against the fact the President Trump will be leading a divided nation. The news coverage of this weekend showed controversy after controversy. Tensions were high and the nation watched, some proud and some in fear. The next four years will likely be much of the same. This focus on the “different” is not going away anytime soon.  

In all of this division, we have to think about what this is communicating to our children. We must remember that children are watching the world as well. They likely see but do not understand what is going on. The one clear, resounding message that children can receive from this is that people who are different from them are bad. This works for both sides. One side sees crazy liberal feminists violently protesting the government. The other sees racist bigots taking over the country. Both of these portrayals are exaggerated and hateful. How do we explain this to our children? Moving forward, for the sake of our children, we need to remember what brings this nation together. In the discovery of the likeness, we can begin the healing process.

-          Bria

     Different is the label most often applied to a gifted student… both by others and by themselves.  An important distinction to be made here is the difference between different and disrespectful.   When your different steps all over another’s rights, it’s not okay.  But, if your different does not impede others’ progress, then what’s the problem with different?  Evidently plenty.

    This month’s inauguration has been a reminder that people do not like different.  I am not talking politics here, just tendencies.  Going back several years, the pattern has been that one party has control, and when the other party gains control, the outgoing party cries foul.  Everybody is “afraid” of what the new guy might do.  Then at re-election time, several voters find themselves voting for the incumbent (even if it’s across party lines) because, again, the new guy might change things.  He might be different.   

    If adults can be that fearful of different, why do we expect our children to just accept it as a way of life?  I have news for you… they don’t.  Students who are different get those differences pointed out to them daily.  So how can you raise your child to be unique (the encouraging word we use in place of different) and still fit in socially?  I think there are four key factors.

   First, make sure that the child is choosing the unique qualities.  If a child does not own what is different about him, he cannot defend it.  For example, if you think your daughter should wear business pantsuits to school so that she will take the “job” seriously, she is going to suffer ridicule.  Even the youngest of students will call her out on this wardrobe choice.  I have, however, had students at this school who have chosen to wear their business suits (which they wear for speech competitions) to school, and they have successfully defended their rights to dress professionally. 

   Second, give your child the tools to handle the occasional ribbing for being different.  The best comeback I’ve ever heard from a teen who was being ribbed about his virginity was, “I have something you’ll never have again.”  Boom!  The battle hymn of today’s youth is “let me be me.”  There isn’t a reason in the world (unless the difference is due to illegal activity or unhygienic practices) that your child shouldn’t have the necessary rhetoric ready to defend his choices.

   Third, make sure your child is allowing others to be different.  This is where many teens fail.  They want the right to be different themselves, but they are unwilling to let anyone else do the same.  I encourage students to be a “character collector.”  Let me explain.  There are so many different personalities out there.  I tell kids not to surround themselves with people who let others determine how they should dress or act or anything else. Instead, they should be on the lookout for those who think for themselves.  These are the interesting people. 

    Lastly, equip your child to be able to stop a different behavior at any time she would like.  This sounds easy, but I myself have trouble with this one.  For instance, I stop at Sonic every morning to get a Route 44 Diet Coke.  At one point, someone convicted me (briefly) to stop drinking Diet Coke.  All I was worried about were the waitresses who might think they did something wrong when I quit coming!  I have 76 pairs of Converse tennis shoes.  I started collecting them as a way to identify with students.  After all, I was the principal and I taught English.  I needed some way to still be “cool”!  When my teens began promoting “A Day without Shoes” to help our kids become aware of children all over the world who have no shoes, I became very convicted about my collection.  I don’t buy Converse shoes anymore, but I still wear them because the kids like to compare Chucks with me.  I struggle with stopping what I began.

    I know the world is on edge about the differences of our current president.  But, I also know that during my college years, a young singer by the name of Madonna was despised by every mother in America.  Yet, yesterday, I watched her address a nation of women’s rights protestors and be cheered enthusiastically.  What’s different?  She is.  We are. 

   I remain hopefully optimistic.  Different is neither good nor bad. It’s just… different.

-          Michelle

            Different…I am reminded of a poster which hung in my classrooms over the years.  It had one pair of footprints facing another set of three footprints.  The caption stated, “I like you.  You’re different!”

            I have found this word to be an apt description of me.  This blog caused me to really think over my life, and I conclude that I have been and am “different.”  We’ve always heard that gifted students march to a different drummer, but sometimes it may be the circumstances which place a person in that category of being different.  So it was with me.

            When I was placed in the Gifted Program in the fifth grade, I was taken from my neighborhood school and placed in a school attended by higher economic families.  When a child grows up in a poor home, usually he/she is not aware of how poor he/she is.  After all, neighbors are usually of the same social class.  However, when one is moved to another school in a higher social status, it becomes very evident that one is “different.”  One of my nightmarish memories was of a Halloween party at the new school.  All my classmates had commercial costumes they wore to school, while I wore a hand-made (poorly made I might add) fifth grader’s version of a bullfighter’s costume.  I chose this because I found the strips of cloth and the sequins in my mother’s scraps. I cringe every time I think of that day!

            My high school gifted class was in the richest school in the area.  Again, I found myself being different from my peers.  I refused to let my mother drive me to school on rainy days because I didn’t want anyone to see our old, rusted-out Ford.  When she did persist, I made her let me out a block away from the school. When I graduated and went on to get college degrees, I found myself being “different” from my extended family members.  I was the first in our family to do such a thing! 

            My life continued to be filled with times of being “different.”  This was obvious when I became a superintendent and was called to state department meetings.  The male superintendents always took the front seats (usually executive chairs) and left the back row for women.  However, I soon learned that my feminine side gained me help and kindness from the true gentlemen.  My husband said it sure didn’thurt in a “mostly male dominated career.”

            As an administrator, I was again “different.”  I went into education to teach children.  So, I chose to do my administrative work before and after school hours and during the late hours of night.  I taught a full day of classes in between.  I must admit that when I heard other administrators gripe about how busy they were attending Rotary Club, etc., I had no pity for them.

            If I summed up some of the absurdities of being “different,” I would mention that I liked opera and classical music while my family loved country music.  I enjoyed ballet while they enjoyed square dance.  And today, I love old fashioned communication…and I detest dependence upon technology.  So, I guess I will go to my grave being… “different!”

-          Kay

Waiting

Waiting for a Girl Like You, Waiting on a Woman, I Wil Wait, Waiting on the World to Change. These songs all have something in common besides the popularity they have seen across several genres of music. All of these songs revolve around waiting. I am in a period of my life where I am waiting for  a lot of things to happen. I’m waiting for my dog to stop being a puppy. I’m waiting to hear back about a new job. I’m waiting until closer to the end of my lease to start looking for new apartments. I’m waiting to graduate...146 days…

As a planner, this period of my life is incredibly frustrating. I want to be able to be proactive and take charge of the situation, but as of right now I have done everything I can do, and now I just need to wait. There are several periods of life where we are forced to wait. This is something that takes patience and acceptance. We have talked previously about the importance of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is a lot like that. Waiting is an annoying but necessary part of life.

There will always be something to wait on, but this also gives us something to look forward to. I remember waiting for my college acceptance letter. It felt like centuries waiting to hear back from my college. However, when I actually received the letter, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. If I didn’t have the period of waiting for the letter, it wouldn’t have been so great to finally receive it.

Waiting allows us time to prepare and to anticipate. This period of time is just as important. I applied for college in November of my senior year of high school. If I had received an acceptance letter immediately, I would have been mentally done with high school, and I wouldn’t have tried for the rest of the year. I think Billy Joel summed this idea up really well with his song Vienna. “Slow down you’re doing fine, you can’t be everything you want to be before your time…” As Joel alludes to, it is important to not get ahead of ourselves. Being productive but patient can help us realize that we are exactly where we need to be.

-          Bria

Waiting…. “is hard when you don’t know that for which you are waiting!”  This line from Christ in the Concrete City describes the feelings of the disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane as they waited while Jesus prayed.  I’m certain we’ve all experienced the same emotions in our lives.

            At this moment, I am more aware of this as my husband and I have received email after email concerning friends who are going through medical emergencies.  With instant messaging available, news travels fast among friends…but the outcomes must wait for the procedures to take place.  Those steps have not changed over the years.  And so, we wait.  At least I have learned to use that wait time in prayer for my friends. 

            Children do not like delayed gratification.  I have witnessed their frustration, anger, and manipulation being used to obtain what they desire immediately.  Some parents express equal frustration with the impatience of their children, while others express a deep feeling of guilt for not giving their children the satisfaction they desire.

            My own theory is that our lightning-fast technology has caused us to become impatient with the world around us.  Horns are honked the moment a traffic light changes because the car in front didn’t move off the line fast enough.  Some drivers refuse to wait in traffic lines and will take all kinds of risks to “beat the crowd.”  So it seems everyone is in a rush. 

            All this rushing seems strange since we have more time-saving devices than ever before in our history.  Yet, most people complain they “don’t have enough time in the day.”  I do the same thing until my husband reminds me, “You have the same twenty-four hours everyone has.”  What is happening to us?  Perhaps our brains have been reprogrammed by the advertising industry to squeeze as many things into a tiny time slot as is possible.

            I try to help our new crop of students to understand and endure delayed gratification through planned activities.  Yes, I even disappoint them from time to time by putting off an award they were looking forward to obtaining.  Oh, I keep my word about giving the reward, but my timing is dictated by their “timing,” as they work and play through the school day.  Impatience in lines, dealing with friends, getting supplies, etc. can cause a tremendous amount of “wait” time to be accrued. 

            I have watched the steady removal of wait times. Instead of waiting to drive at sixteen years of age, we have created battery driven small vehicles for kids as well as given them four wheelers to drive off-road.  Instead of waiting to apply makeup, girls are provided with makeup kits for nine or ten year olds.  And the beat goes on…

            Around the world, Christians are awaiting the promised return of Jesus.  I am one of those.  Yet, I realize I am here to live, act, and develop relationships with others while I have life.  And so, I wait when it is necessary, and I act when it is possible!      

-          Kay

  I’ve been told that over a person’s lifetime, he will spend almost five years waiting in lines and six months waiting at traffic lights.  Remember not being able to sleep as you waited for Christmas morning to come?  I keep waiting to mature enough not to care about having to wait, but...                

     Waiting is considered a soft skill – a “people” skill - as opposed to a hard skill (a person’s technical skills).  It isn’t often listed in the set of soft skills most desired by employers, yet it would be incredibly noticeable if one did not possess the ability to wait.  Picture the unskilled “wait-er” in line for the copier or handling the company’s stock options or waiting for the boss to finish an oft-told story. 

    You and I know the value of waiting.  A conflict slept on doesn’t seem quite as big the next morning.  Solutions to problems often come after a good night’s sleep.      Waiting is hard… for adults and kids alike.  In a world of very few delayed gratification opportunities, I do believe potential employees who have cultivated this soft skill will be in high demand.  It is our job as parents and teachers to help kids develop this skill.  “Wait time” was a popular concept when I first started teaching.  The idea was this:  when you ask a kid a question, give him time to think and answer… even if there are hands up all around the classroom.    At home, your child does not have competition for answering your question, nor does he have to raise his hand.  He still needs you to “wait” for an answer, not rush off to do it for him or, worse yet, never ask him any questions in the first place.

   First graders can’t wait to be fifth graders; fifth graders can’t wait for middle school; middle schoolers want to be high schoolers; and high schoolers wish they were adult already.  No one wants to wait.  So much learning takes place in the ”wait,” though.  We must teach our children not to wish away opportunities. 

    This past week, a little waiting might have gone a long way. Our governor declared a state of emergency in all 77 Oklahoma counties, and consequently superintendents around the state made the decision to close schools sixteen hours prior to the start of Friday’s school day instead of waiting to see how quickly the system would arrive.  Turns out, the system didn’t come to our area until the weekend, and schools in counties close to us closed for no reason.  My mother makes the decision about closures for our school, and much to the chagrin of a worried mother or two, she did not make her decision till two hours before school was slated to start.  Even then, her decision was not to close… based upon updated projections for arrival times. By then, however, we knew that us staying open when everyone else in the state was closed would bring a major backlash if the updated forecasts were wrong and the storm did indeed show up earlier.  In the end, we opted to be open for those who needed a place for their kids to stay safely while they worked that day.  Not the optimum, but it kept me from being ridden out of town on a rail if my secondary students were in school while the rest of the state was out!

     Mom and I sing next to each other in the church choir.  I had to chuckle when I saw the name of the piece we were singing today:  Waiting Here for You.  Talk about a recurring theme.  In the song, the composer encourages us to wait on a word from the Lord before making a move.  Amen.  My prayer so many times is, “Please, God, don’t let me run ahead of you!”  I don’t want to be that kid, standing at the car, trying desperately to remember what it was you wanted him to get out of the car, but knowing it will never come because as soon as you said, “Go to the car and…” he was gone! 

      I challenge you this week to look for opportunities to teach your child how to wait.  Future bosses will be appreciative!

-          Michelle

Opportunity

          Opportunity is something that “only knocks once”…or so we’ve been told throughout life.  However, I don’t look at opportunity as some stroke of luck that falls out of the sky upon me with its offer for success.  Perhaps my thinking is due to my study of the Bible over the years, but I believe in God’s plan for my life rather than coincidence or happenstance.

            The Bible teaches that if we love God and are seeking His guidance, He will “crown our every effort with success.”  It also teaches that God had a plan for my life before I was even born (Psalm 139).  Why do I believe these truths so strongly?  Let me share some examples with you.

            I was placed in the first Gifted program in St. Louis, Missouri, when I was in the fifth grade.  My parents had only 7th and 8th grade educations.  So, no thought of college ever entered our thinking.  Yet, I was prepared for college, and when my parents had no money or credit to help me go, a great uncle loaned me the money without my asking.  He had never helped anyone before…in fact he was quite stingy.

            I felt called to work with young people, but had no idea in what way.  During junior college, I found many new exciting experiences through the Baptist Student Union.  I was then voted most versatile.  I felt my only talent was my music and art, and both seemed mediocre to me.  Again, God surprised me when I fell in love with my husband to be, only to learn he served as a youth and music minister.  Thus, we began a 25 year career as a team working with youth.

            I received my first teaching job without ever having a course in education.  God provided the way.  He also provided me with a principal-ship and superintendency without the required previous training.  Our private school has also come about without the usual methods of establishment.

            I could add at least ten more unbelievable events in my life that would provide further evidence of God’s plan.  I laugh to myself because many fellow educators have been astounded at how my life path has played out.  As for me, I relax in the knowledge that God is in control and that “nothing is impossible with God.”

            One other aspect of opportunity comes to my mind.  I once led my school district to change the grading scale to 85% = an A.  During those years, I saw students who had never experienced a grade of “A” fight hard to maintain that “A” they received for the very first time in their lives.  After a reporting period or so, they would come to me and say,”Mrs. Johnson, I am now going to try for a ‘real A’ on my next report card.  And many of those students actually did raise their grade points successfully. 

            In the above case, I think I was able to give an opportunity to some who had never had it before…being an “A” student.  They liked the “feel” of it, and set new standards for themselves.  Maybe it just took someone to believe in them to make it happen.  In a way, that’s what God did for me…He believed in me and orchestrated the events and turns in my life so that I could reach my full potential in working with youth.

                                                                                                            Kay

Opportunity only knocks once.  We’ve all heard this admonition, and I would agree that some opportunities do only come around as a limited, one-time offer.  But we were never told that only one opportunity would knock.  Opportunities beat on our proverbial doors literally every day.  It is up to us to figure out which ones are advantageous and which we should let pass by. 

I have been called an eternal optimist.  That’s fair.  From a secular viewpoint, it would seem that way.  (From my Christian viewpoint, it’s an acknowledgement that God is in control.) I get up each morning, excited to see what will happen that day.  Each evening, I review and evaluate the opportunities I took, the ones I rejected, and the ones I missed, deciding whether or not to do something about those the next day.  Sometimes I accidentally access an opportunity, like this week when my email to the parents at our school inadvertently got sent to the education writer at the local newspaper.  Before I knew it, I was being interviewed for a news article on our inclement weather policy.  The next day’s article was defense for having school on a snowy day from our town’s gigantic public school district and little old Lawton Academy!  Hey… it’s publicity! 

As my daughter finishes her internship and is beginning to interview for jobs, our conversations tend to center around opportunity.  Will she get the opportunity to do that for which she has been trained?  What if two opportunities present themselves at the same time?  What if no opportunities present themselves?! I remind her that my childhood dream was to teach high school music, and I am doing that now… but only after fifteen years in elementary education.  Her father finished his childhood dream career – the Army – and had to start over.  Two years of humbling insurance salesman work completed the transition from colonel to civilian so that he could become the teacher he is today.  Sometimes opportunities are like ladders… steps leading to the jackpot opportunity you desire.

If we teach our kids that opportunity only knocks once, are we not robbing them of a lifetime of experiences?  It is our job as adults to teach the kids in our lives to seek opportunities daily… to weigh them and discern which are the best opportunities.  And most importantly, we need to teach them how to have the courage to seize great opportunities.  Gifted kids especially will avoid new opportunities if the chance for failure seems too great.  Sometimes a nudge from an adult is needed.  Here at the school we require that the students try new things.  We assure them that they will fail sometimes, but this is a safe place to fail.  You get up, dust yourself off, and say, “At least I tried!”  Then you move on.

Life doesn’t end when we fail, just as it isn’t ruined if we miss an opportunity.  Sure, you missed that one’s knock.  But listen!  There are hundreds of other doors, all with their own knockers.  You need only answer.

-          Michelle

In Economics, there is the idea of opportunity cost. This is the potential gain that you will never see when choosing one option over the other. There is no way to avoid this potential loss. Decisions have to be made and once made, the decider can wonder if he made the right choice and if he could have done better.

The show Deal or No Deal eliminates this factor by sharing with its player the final outcome of the game after the deal is made. If a player accepts a deal from the banker before that final round, Howie makes them say which case they would have picked next. The player continues to show how he would have played, seeing the offers from the banker, until he makes it to the case he chose at the beginning of the show. At this point, Howie either tells him that he made a good deal or a bad deal. What’s unfortunate about this is that, a lot of times, people get nervous and make a deal prematurely. In many cases, the deal made is thousands of dollars less than the amount in the case.

Games like this thrive on our indecisiveness. It is easy to either convince people to play it so safe that they settle for a small deal, or to push them further and further until they eliminate all of the big deals and walk away with $100. I believe this is much like real life. This example could apply to many of the important choices we are forced to make in our lifetime. Do you go to community college on a scholarship and end up staying in that town for the rest of your life, or do you go off to an Ivy League school, taking on an incredible amount of debt, in the hopes that you will make a lot of money in your career.

Either choice could leave you wondering what your life would be like if you chose differently. There will always be a fear of the unknown, whatever choice we make. What’s important is to make informed decisions that make you happy. In the scenario above either choice could make someone happy. The person who stayed in his home town might have a great life. Similarly, the person who chose to leave might have done really well for himself. Neither of them have an objectively better life. When we make choices and take opportunities that make sense for how we want our lives to progress, then we don’t have to worry about the opportunity cost because we can be confident that we are where we are supposed to be.

-       Bria

Happy New Year!

Our next post will occur on Sunday, Jan. 8.

Groupings

Groupings is an interesting topic, because in some contexts I feel a great affinity for groups and in other contexts I despise them. Groupings can be work-based, ritualistic, social, or otherwise. Whether we like it or not, groups are necessary. In school we see the infamous group project over and over, preparing us for the group project that is adult life. At work, I am constantly collaborating with other departments and my own team to work towards the shared goal of fulfilling our company’s vision. Often times there are speed bumps and conflicts that arise throughout the process, but ultimately group work is necessary.

In school, we are forced to work in groups to prepare us for the real world. Students often find this process frustrating, but they learn a lot from working in groups. Students learn conflict management, leadership skills and the ability to negotiate and collaborate with others. Group projects are also a great way to see  how successful each group member will be in her career. It is very obvious in group work who will slack off and who will lead the team.

Social groupings can also be key to the development of important life skills. Friend groups, youth groups, clubs and teams help young people socialize and develop important skills that can be beneficial for future employment. Networking is a big part of identifying and cultivating business relationships; without the proper social training this can be very hard for some people.

Overall, groups might be frustrating, but being a part of a group helps us grow and develop as individuals. By joining and participating in groups at a young age, people learn important career skills that will take them far in their adult lives.

                                                              - Bria

            Grouping is a subject I think about often since the brain loves patterns, and I’m always looking for patterns in life!  I also have observed that humans have a great desire to “group” with other humans when in unfamiliar surroundings.  I learned this lesson while deep sea diving with my husband.  The desire to group with others was especially strong as we completed a night dive in the Gulf of Mexico.

            In everyday life, however, I am not a so-called “groupie.”  I have always been a person who stood on the fringe…not wanting to buy into the crowds, clubs, etc.  I enjoyed shared experiences with others, but I never felt the need to really “belong” to a certain group.   The only exception to this is in my Christianity.  I hold dearly to the fellowship with other people who have had the same experience with God as I have. 

            I heard a PBS program this week which was an old interview with Mr. Rogers of TV fame.  He noted that research showed children learned best from being in the grouping gathered around the dinner table.  It was the conversation in that specific setting that added wisdom to a child’s world of understanding.  I thought to myself, “It’s such a shame that our busy society has lost touch with that grouping.”  The majority of my students for the past few years talk only of eating at fast food places or in front of the TV.  Hardly any of them talk about family meals together anymore.

            As my husband and I worked with groups of young people, we showed them how people often try to get “into” a group.  As we formed a circle with kids, we told them they were a group.  We asked another person to be someone who wanted “into” the group.  Without any further words, those in the group drew closer together, keeping the outsider out.  Meanwhile, the person trying to get into the group would resort to force and aggression to gain entry…only to meet with increased resistance from the group.  Only on two occasions did the outsider politely ask “May I join your group?”  The groups on those occasions let them in immediately.  What did the youth learn from this?  I hope they no longer used the wrong methods to gain group acceptance.

            I learned long ago as a teacher that children can discern “classroom groupings” quite easily.  So many teachers thought they were clever by using group names rather than labels like fast, medium, and slow learners.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know the difference between “jets” and “tanks” in school!  I’ve spent my career keeping such groups from happening.  I also have waged a war against letting students pick teams…leaving a child to be chosen last.  That is an ugly feeling that no child should ever have to experience.  Rather, I group students into mixed groups, and I pick teams evenly matched with no one person chosen last.  I explain to children that in life we must work with all kinds of people who have different levels of skills and work habits.  To be successful in these situations, one must look for positives in all people.

            How thankful I am that God chose to love me…without any regard to what group/s I did or did not belong to.  That is grace!

                                                                                      - Kay

There are those out there who feel the need to “join.”  Join fraternities and sororities,  civic organizations and clubs, professional associations, and social networks.  I am not one of those people.  In fact, I have always protested having to join any of those groups. I’ve been told repeatedly that I must embrace social media if I plan to stay connected, and I find myself envisioning how nice it would be not to be connected. 

    I sound horrible, don’t I?  The reality is that I am very connected… with the people currently in my life.  I build connections with the people who have children in my school, with the staff at the school, and with the students themselves.  That alone gives me over three hundred connections any given year.  I cannot imagine where I would fit connections with Facebook friends in all of that!  My “group” is my family.  You can imagine that there are built in problems in working with your husband, father, and mother daily. But we’ve worked many of the bugs out, and they, along with my kids and their loved ones, are the “group” with which I choose to spend holidays and down time. 

   Often gifted high school students will complain of loneliness, even while enjoying popularity among peers.  I have shared with them that gifted often feel lonely because we strive to be unique, and then we are surprised that no one else is like us!  To lose the feeling of loneliness, we have to cultivate groupings.  We have to leave our comfort zone and make ourselves interact.  Many gifted feel like peers are less intelligent… even if those peers are also gifted.  It’s definitely a fault.  My favorite example is Scar from The Lion King.  Remember? He said that he was surrounded by idiots.  But when he became in charge, to whom did he give the power?  The idiots (the hyenas he had called idiots).  Many gifted are not the type of friends most would seek.

   When we have found the “group” that lies within our comfort zone, and there are many out there if we’ll just look, then we can stop seeking and just “be” in a group that loves us in spite of our need to be right… and in control… and, did I mention right?

   Because I have not engaged whenever possible, I do not always understand the need to belong to a group.  College was fun, but it was only the door through which I must pass to get to my job.  And I ran through that door, finishing in three-and-a-half years.  My daughter has one-upped me by finishing her bachelors and masters in four years! We share an equally strong desire to be in the job for which we’ve trained.

   I have to be careful, though, not to judge “joiners.”  People join to feel a part of something bigger… to gain identity.  My identity comes through Christ, and that is sufficient for me.  But even within the grouping of “Christian,” I find myself trying to put some distance between the group and me.  We talk about how wide a brush the term “Muslim” is painted with… that not all Muslims are radical Islamists. But the paintbrush for the term “Christian” is just as wide,  and I fight against sweeping generalizations constantly.

  I digress.  I do not begrudge anyone his groupings.  Belonging to a group meets one of our basic needs, and that is the desire to be needed.  I love the way one synopsis of the movie Babe puts it:  "in an attempt to justify his existence…" Is that not what we do every day?  We try to prove we’re supposed to be here… we have purpose.  And then those of us lucky enough to successfully prove why we exist spend the rest of our time trying to make sure the proof is recorded and extended beyond our lives!

   The grouping I have found rests within my comfort zone, walks beside me in purpose, and includes my living legacy… my children.  My wish for you in the new year is that you, too, find the grouping(s) your heart desires.

-                Michelle

Merry Christmas!!!

We update posts on Sunday afternoons.  Since the next two Sundays are Christmas and New Year's Day, we will post only one sometime between the two Sundays.  Have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones!

Independence

    I’ve often wondered why they call them the “terrible twos.”  I mean, at two, a child is still learning right from wrong.  It’s much more terrible at three when the child knows right from wrong and chooses to do wrong anyway.  This is one of the first exertions of independence made by a child.  It is often followed by control struggles over bathroom functions, and before you know it, you’ve been thrust headfirst into a battle of wills between you and your child. 

   In reflection, one sees that it is not a continuous battle, though.  There are peaks and plateaus.  After potty-training and learning to share, things go pretty smoothly until third grade.  At third grade, children desire independence in choosing what to wear, doing their homework without being under a “watchful eye,” and choosing their own hairstyles.  This coincides with our desire, as teachers, to have more independent learners.  At a third grade level, we expect our students to master cursive (yes, we still teach cursive) and their multiplication tables through the twelves, and we give them cubbies or lockers in which we expect them to manage their own items, remembering which ones to bring to which class and which to not.

   The next major exertion of independence comes at or around sixth grade.  This one is accompanied by a hormone-induced brain fog, so sometimes the need for independence masks itself as just a smart-alack attitude.  The pre-teen is experimenting with that most dangerous of areas:  his/her own opinion.  Major conflicts occur when the exercising of his/her opinion comes with a barrage of insults for your way.

  I deal with the last major peak annually.  This peak occurs in the senior year of school when the pre-college student “can’t wait to get away,” presumably from school and younger kids and from home.  This is when kids swear they will never be like their parents. (Newsflash, Kids:  you’re doomed!)  I have often told exasperated kids that this is how it is supposed to be during the senior year.  Parents are trying to get the last bit of mentoring in before their children become adults, and they’re not in the advice-giving circle anymore.  If God didn’t make it uncomfortable, teens would never leave! 

   And therein, to me, is where a new problem has arisen over recent years.  I see at least one parent a year crippling his/her children so that they won’t leave.  But I digress…

   I like the way our secondary math teacher explained it in regards to Cub/Boy Scouts.  I’ve borrowed it and applied it to school.  If your child were learning to swim, this is the way independence should grow:

    In preschool and early elementary, you should be right by his/her side.  Water wings and pool alarms are not abnormal, but at all times, that young swimmer is looking to you for almost every move.  You are the hand that stays under his/her belly as he/she tries out this new adventure.

   By the time your child reaches late elementary and middle school, you have put him/her on a swim team and you allow the coach to do much of the training.  In turn, you become somewhat of a coach to your child as well… guiding, reprimanding, fixing.

   Once your child reaches high school, you become a lifeguard.  Your job is to make sure your child knows the dangers out there and then rescue if /when he/she inevitably gets caught in the undertow.  This lifeguarding position continues, in lessening amounts, until your little one has a little one of his/her own.  Then you get to move to the “gloating” and “spoiling” phases of your life, and your child gets to battle his own little independence-seeker. 

   There’s a fine line between “establishing independence” and flat-out ignoring.  If you have trained your child to be independent, when he actually reaches the age at which he declares his independence, he will be ready.  If not, your teen will kick and scream as if you’re trying to push him off the high dive when he’s still sporting XL water wings. Then he will cling all the harder to you the next time you try.  I know it’s hard, Mom, but let your little boy grow up.  Dad, I know she’s your baby, but I want to teach her to roar. How your child expresses independence is directly a reflection on you, so do a good job!  A lot of futures depend on the leadership of strong, independent young adults. 

-          Michelle

“The shoes on my feet - I’ve bought it. The clothes I’m wearing -  I’ve bought it. The rock I’m rockin’ cause I depend on me. If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’ -  I’ll buy it. The house I live in - I’ve bought it. The car I’m driving -  I’ve bought it. I depend on me.” - “Independent Woman,” Destiny’s Child.

These lyrics were performed by none other than the Queen Bey herself, the original “Independent Woman.” They reject the idea of needing anyone to support you and embracing an independent lifestyle. The 2010’s have been the decade of the independent woman. The early 2000’s saw the woman as the sex symbol, the damsel in distress, the object. Of course, I am speaking generally and there were great accomplishments by women throughout this decade as well. The difference is, the 2010’s celebrate the idea of the independence. We see powerful female musicians like Beyonce, Adele, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj telling women that they don’t need a man and that they are #flawless. Similarly, we see actresses like Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence and Viola Davis playing characters who show us that independence is unbound by age. Companies like Dove are investing in young women and creating workshops and programs to improve self-esteem at an early age. In the political sphere, we saw 17 out of 34 senate seats up for reelection this year filled by women.

All of the representation of strong women in the media has encouraged independence that is important to instill in our children. We live in a world with a tough economy and an unforgiving job market. Independence is key to success. While I have gone on and on about the independent tone of the 2010’s, 2016 also saw the highest percentage of young adults living at home with their parents. This is very problematic. While there are situations that demand moving back home, many of the circumstances highlighted in this study were late 20-somethings living with their parents to avoid bills. Independence is partially learned, but it is also a decision we make. Helping your children to reach that decision can mean that they won’t live with you until they are 30 years old. By choosing independence, a person can begin his journey to reaching his full potential and becoming #flawless.

Bria

Independence is often interchanged with the word freedom.  However, they are not necessarily the same.  There is a lot of responsibility attached to the word independence.  Yet, today’s young parents seem to be giving children lots of freedom without any thought of responsibility attached.  I listen as parents tell me of their child’s need for freedom and watch as the child helps him/herself to anything he might find of interest to him.

I once stood amazed as an acquaintance of mine went through my formal living room, putting up glass figurines, collector’s pieces, etc. so her child might have freedom to play as the adults talked.  My immediate thought was, “What happened to a parent telling her child, ‘Don’t touch!’?”   It caused me to remember a family who had a child in our youth group.  Speaking of the teen’s younger sister, the mother said, “Oh, if she comes to your house, she’ll go through your drawers…that’s just the way she is!”

The last time I counted, “No” was not a four letter word.  Yet, many parents today act as if using that word to limit their child’s independence is a fate worse than death!  As a matter of fact, I just saw the headline on the internet as I started writing this article that announced the road rage shooting of a grandmother for driving too slowly down the road, ultimately resulting in the death of a toddler in the back seat. Perhaps this shooter was someone who grew up with no restrictions or requirements attached to his independence!  What has happened in our society?

Responsibility is a part of my everyday lessons with my students.  The first graders in my class have the ability to enjoy independence as long as their “freedom” doesn’t interfere or hinder the “freedoms” of others.  Being able to make decisions is a great confidence builder, but it can only happen when responsibility is attached.  Students must own the results of their decisions.  As long as I make clear to them all what can be done or not done, wise decision making can take place.  However, when a child chooses to make a decision that is directly outside my guidelines, I consider it “willful disobedience,” and I attach a fitting punishment.  Usually, two or three times of consistent punishment is all it requires for a child to rethink his/her choices.

Independence in my classroom allows students to get necessary materials out of their lockers, get out of their seat if a need arises, etc.  They have job assignments which they carry out first thing in the morning…quite efficiently because they know the boundaries of behavior.  This trust on my part keeps me from having to micro-manage the class every minute. 

If parents will choose to teach children independence based upon certain rules of behavior, the children will truly have freedom.  They don’t have to test the waters to see if Mom might get upset later, but they can act confidently within the parameters. 

Kay

Home

Home is a top of mind subject for a lot of people around the holidays. Whether you are going home, missing home or creating home, we all have strong feelings surrounding the idea of home. For me, home is my solace. I'm in a weird part of my life where I feel like home is my parent’s house, but I have also created a home in Chicago. However, when I think of going home, I still typically picture the house I grew up in and made memories with my family in.

As we approach the holiday season, people have various ideas about the idea of home. Some people love going home for the holidays, others go home to a broken home, or even worse some don't have any home to go to. While it is easy to get wrapped up in the festivities of the season, it is important to think of those who lack the resources to have the same happy holidays we know and love.

This year will be the first time in a long time that I’m not going to my parent’s house for Christmas. I have struggled to come to terms with this arrangement. Christmas is very important to me and I always want it to be perfect. It’s hard for me to be okay with change, especially with something as significant as the holidays.

Recently I have worked on an end-of-the-year giving plan at work. This plan would encourage people to donate to emergency services for their seasonal giving. This money goes to organizations like Operation Warm that provides winter coats for underserved children. It would also provide meals to low income families and seniors. Working on this project really puts my situation into perspective for me, and it makes me feel really selfish about complaining about the location of my holiday celebration.

During this time of year, it is easy to get wrapped up in the festivities and the excess, but we have to remember what is really important. I am lucky to be able to spend Christmas with my family in a warm house, with food and presents, surrounded by people that love me. To  me, this is what home is all about.

- Bria

The umpire declares us “safe” at home.  In tag, home base is the only safe place from being tagged.  And we call the initial page of a web site its “home” page.  We throw that word around almost as much as we do “love” (i.e. We love ice cream, Mom, and our country).  Having moved all over the west and midwest with my military husband, home has never been about the house we’re in.  Home is where my family is.  Home is the shared experiences we have and have had.  I experience home every time the ones I love and I bond over a game or a dinner or a movie or just conversation.  Home is the time our family shares with one another, and it’s truly where I feel safest.

Often my students will brag about all the electronics they have in their rooms.  I have been known to say, “Wow, if your parents bought you a microwave and a refrigerator to put in there, they’d never have to see you!”  This usually elicits a giggle or a “What a great idea!”, but there’s a much more acerbic intent in my comment, and it’s usually aimed at the parents. 

I remember a few years back when the trend of “cocooning” made the news.  At that time, the term was coined for the way in which we as a society would retreat to our homes at night after work and not come out until we had to go to work again.  The media discussed how this made people unaware of their neighbors and less friendly.  The teenagers of today have changed the spelling a bit and taken the term for their own use.  Cacooning is when a teen or young adult is unsatisfied with his physical appearance and stays in his room for months, trying to better his appearance and emerging as someone who is completely different… more attractive or more likeable, for instance. 

That is so very disturbing to me.  While I admire the tenacity of these individuals, I cry at the idea that a teen feels he (or she) has to work so hard to change a physical trait or characteristic.  How did he grow to dislike this feature so much?  True – there are those at school who will tell you all that is wrong with you.  That’s always been true.  What has caused the children of today to cacoon, as opposed to those of the past who let it slide?  I think it’s the talks with Mom and Dad.  Do you remember the standard answer to your confession to your parents that someone at school was mean to you?  They’re just jealous.  We all came out of that conversation knowing that we were superior to this person, and we should just avoid them.  Sure, it may have absolutely not been the case, but it caused us to move on… not to dwell on what people don’t like. 

The very fact that kids are cacooning means that they are dwelling on these facts.  The internet and what they see on social media is a huge part of the problem.  But I believe that an even bigger contributor to the issue is the lack of home  in so many houses.  A collection of individuals, related or not, who all live in the same dwelling but rarely spend any time together is not a home.  If you want to turn a house into a home, you have to invest in the people there. 

We’ll spend Christmas with the kids this year at my son’s new house… well, apartment.  I’ve been several times since he and his wife moved in. The signs of home are everywhere… building and craft projects partially done, shared cooking experiences, and gardening triumphs in both the front and back yards.  My daugher will seek her first “out-of-college” dwelling this spring.  It is my greatest hope that each will build a home of love and laughter and shared experiences. Then they can be as proud of their children as I am of mine.  Welcome, Home!

                                                                        - Michelle