If I had a dime for every time a parent asked me how to get his kid to take assignments seriously, I would have enough for dinner out. Getting a student to become a true student takes only one thing: the student must have a goal. When young, that goal might be to get straight A’s for a monetary prize or a privilege or just for bragging rights. As homework amounts grow, though, and teens start losing more and more of their free time, students without goals begin to fail. It’s not until a teen sees the reason for doing all of this that he does it willingly. It is our job as parents and educators to help him find a goal.
The truth is that there are many types of goals: long-range and short-term, professional and personal, general and specific, small and big. We’ve been setting goals for our kids since they were toddlers. We threw Fruit Loops in the toilet and told our toilet-training little boy to hit the red ones. (No? You didn’t do that?!) We helped our young rider to move from a tricycle to a bicycle with training wheels. And we waited nervously in the wings as our kids tried out for anything from a team to a troupe. ‘
Many of us do a great job with teaching our kids to set goals. Do we, however, teach them how to evaluate those goals and/or the failures in pursuit of those goals? This is just as important as setting the goal. If we will take the time to analyze with our kids where they are in their goals and what to do different in those that fail, we will open that door of communication throughout that child’s life right into adulthood.
Parents have to be careful not to set the goals for their children. Goals should be set with children. Now, Parents of gifted and talented kids, be forewarned: your gifted child will set unrealistic goals. You have to be careful not to over-react or nay-say the goal. Obviously, if it’s completely unattainable, you will have to explain why. But, if you are only worried that it is unattainable to your child, do some risk assessment and see how much damage letting him try can do. If it’s not too much, support where you can. When the failure comes, it is important that you don’t say “I told you so.” You will only cause your gifted kid not to try again or not to share with you his goals. Instead, empathize with his failure and ask if there is anything you could help with that would make it go better next time.
Gifted have big ideas and big goals. That’s what will cause him to solve really big problems as a gifted adult. If we teach our gifted that failure is just a chance to try a different method, then our gifted will be setting goals and solving real problems for a lifetime!
- Michelle