I’ve been pondering all weekend on this subject. I have never been much for conforming. I had no desire to be a part of a sorority, I never joined the labor unions when my job offered one, I’m not an active member of any society (I only join when membership is required for my kids to be able to compete), and, while respectful, I was not the cookie-cutter officer’s wife during my husband’s military career. Yet, if you get nitpicky, one could argue that practicing good hygiene, eating meals at certain hours, and sleeping at least eight hours a night are all aspects of conforming. I was told recently that it’s not good for me to wash my hair more often than once a week. I just cannot wrap my head around that one because I remember the Agree shampoo ad where the pretty girl gets caught shopping with greasy hair. I was mortified; that was never going to happen to me!
Over the years at Lawton Academy, I have had many students who tried their hardest to be anarchists. None truly ever got there. For all our “trying to be unique,” we gifted are generally rule-followers. We have a need to know the “rules,” and we often tell others when they aren’t playing by them. After all, how can you push against the limits if you don’t have any limits? Isn’t the very definition of anarchy absolute freedom of the individual? We gifted like to know the boundaries; we like to know what everyone else is doing. Then our goal becomes to stand out from the crowd. We like the “box.” We find comfort in the rules being established. We just would rather be on top of the box than sitting inside with everyone else!
I think people find comfort in conforming. This idea can’t be too off target because there are others who feel the same as I do. Groups are inherently a validation that our choice was wise and acceptable. As parents and teachers of gifted kids, it’s important that you recognize that your validation is not required. The gifted kid says, “Tell me your rules. I will follow them, but expect something a little different… or more… or unusual in my interpretation of your rules.”
I see this when my kids participate in art competitions. We teach our kids the basics in art in elementary and early middle school. Then we let them go off-grid to create new art. There’s one competition in which my kids feel particularly “unlike” anyone there. It’s an art competition in which all are required to do the same still life (from their own unique angle) in charcoal. My kids’ drawings stick out like a sore thumb. Fifteen drawings will be placed up for all to see, and I can pick my student’s out every time. His or hers is the one in that Sesame Street song “One of these things is not like the others.” My kids come away crushed every time, yet every year someone new wants to give it a try.
Does my school owe it to these kids to train them to do charcoal drawings exactly like everyone else? Should my singers only sing classical music? Some would say yes. I’m not so convinced. I do think training in classical music and learning how to properly do a charcoal drawing are important… as important as learning how to write a five-paragraph essay. However, I don’t believe kids should stop there. I drill my English students on the five-paragraph essay their 8th and 9th grade years so that they will understand that this “skeleton” must be found within the body of their writing. They cannot simply start on a topic and then blog, chasing rabbit after rabbit. In 10th grade, though, I tell them to move beyond the five-paragraph essay (except, of course, for their college entrance exam, where the essay is not necessarily read as much as it is checked for the “skeleton”). They still shouldn’t ramble, but they can get so much more creative with their writing. The only job I know of that still uses the five-paragraph essay is that of a preacher. He tells a little antidote at the beginning and lays his thesis statement on us. Then he gives us three points, and when he says, “In conclusion,” we all start packing up our Bibles.
Is not the same true in art and music? How many channels on satellite radio are devoted to classical music? How does that compare to all the other styles we are not taught at school? In art museums, is it not the unconventional art that catches our attention the most?
I guess it all boils down to this for me: when we are conforming, we are not thinking. Our nation’s initiative to make sure all students learn the same set of facts (Common Core), and the subsequent altering of all entrance exams to reflect that kids know this set of facts, is a microcosm of the inherent problems with conformity. During a time when automation is replacing entry-level jobs in restaurants and grocery and department stores, we are not training our work force to think… just to spout a set of facts. Who’s going to repair and program all of this automation? Well, my students will - because we are teaching them to think… and yes, it’s outside of the box!
- Michelle