Parents of gifted kids don’t make mistakes about their child’s intelligence. They don’t make mistakes about how to give them opportunities that will challenge and develop them. The place many parents of gifted and talented make their mistake is in consistency in discipline. It’s not completely their fault either. Gifted kids are fantastic at telling parents what they want to hear.  

   Most teens listen to their parents’ rants with nothing but disdain or remorse. The gifted child is listening intently for loopholes…anything to prove that he is not totally at fault. The parent begins the discipline, but by the end, the parent lessens the punishment because he has seen how his child could make such a mistake, thanks to his child’s efforts to steer him there. The problem is that rarely is what they said they were thinking actually what they were thinking. Unfortunately, many parents of gifted don’t learn of the manipulation until the child has gotten away with it many times.

   Consistency is the key to stopping this cycle. The first thing a parent must do is anticipate what the teen might do wrong. (Bear in mind that I am speaking to the discipline of kids who tend to test boundaries.) Failing a test due to not studying, not completing homework, not doing chores, missing curfew, and talking back are typical discipline issues. A wise parent sets rules and consequences before they happen. By telling your teen at the beginning what your expectations are and consequences for not meeting those expectations, the choice of having that consequence falls squarely on your child’s shoulders. You can lament with your child over his choice to accept those consequences; just don’t give in.

  Of course, there is a responsibility to not make the expectations beyond reach. Dating is a good area for example.  I’ve had several well-meaning parents who have told their children that they cannot date till after college. No matter how great a student the child was, every single one of them hid his relationships from his parents. It is unrealistic of a parent to expect a teen of sixteen years to ignore the desire for a companion… especially a gifted teen!  Here’s the approach that has seemed to work the best: You’re going to have the desire to date. You may not go out alone with a person until you are sixteen. Prior to that time, if you have a significant other you’d like to spend time with, I will allow this amount of time for you to invite him/her to join our family time. Here are my rules about school nights, curfew, and boundaries. Here is my list of consequences should you break the rules.

  I’m not saying that those kids never try anything; I’m just saying that the parents find out a lot sooner and in less embarrassing ways (I.e. finding out at a later date that your child was lying to your face for a period of time.)

  When we are consistent with our children, they become consistent. They know the boundaries and the consequences for infractions, and most turn their focus to consistently looking for ways to excel.

          Michelle