Overcompensation is something I am often guilty of doing where my family or our school is concerned.  My therapist-husband has helped me over the years to be aware of this tendency.  I believe it probably started when I was placed in the first gifted program in St. Louis in the fifth grade.  I was not aware of how poor my family was until I was mixed with rich students from better parts of the city as we were grouped together for the GT classes.  I also was not aware of how limiting my parents’ lack of even a high school education was for me until I mingled with students whose parents were degreed professionals.  And how did I handle all this?  I overcompensated!  No matter what the project or the task at hand, I had to work harder, longer, and “better” than the others to prove I was close to equal in that class.

            Then, as the administrator of a small school, I found myself overcompensating for my students because our small district couldn’t afford to field the many different sports and music programs of the larger districts.  Did all this overcompensating do good or harm?  Well, from my point of view, it caused me to achieve far beyond the norm for my profession and place in life.  I have garnered many awards and accolades which were nice and helped define success as an administrator.  However, the most meaningful rewards were the thanks and letters of appreciation I have received from families of past students.  However, my marriage almost ended twice…a price that I did not want to pay.  So, I have been helped by recognizing the effects of overcompensating, and then working to prevent it raising its ugly head again and again in my life.

            Just yesterday while working at school on a Saturday, I received a phone call that someone was racing an ATV all over our soccer field.  As I summoned the driver over to the school, I explained that he was on private property and we did not allow such use of the land.  He had a child (not more than 8 years old) in front, driving with him holding her in place.  As he left trying to explain to her that she didn’t do anything wrong, I started thinking about the situation.  Then that word “overcompensating” came to my mind.

            Why do parents let themselves be talked into buying city kids ATVs when they have no property upon which to ride them?  Here was a father trying to spend time with his daughter on Saturday, yet it wasn’t, in my opinion, the best choice of activities for a child her age, especially since he was doing it in an illegal manner.  I’ve seen many parents make equally questionable choices, overcompensating for having missed so much time with their children by letting them do “over-the-top” activities.  That’s when I decided we parents all need to listen to the song “The Cat’s in the Cradle,” and instead of overindulging our kids and overcompensating for lost time together, just do the right thing: spend precious moments talking with and enjoying our children in the things they are doing.   

-          Kay