Gifted people, by nature start out very giving. My son wanted to save the world. My daughter was always “gifting” people with anything she could make. If this desire is nurtured, it doesn’t go away. Unfortunately, for most gifted as they enter the teen years, the desire is not nurtured. In fact, it’s frowned upon and even ridiculed... by peers. To make matters worse, the idea that you must be better than all the competition to get ahead crowds out the thoughts of sharing and helping others. By the time a gifted teen becomes a leader, he tends to be very position-conscious and self-serving.
This is a necessary journey, though. Sometimes we have to become the cruelty for awhile to understand the difference between the two. Fortunately, there are people in our lives that remind us of our humble roots, reprimand us for our unkind ways, and teach us how to become servant leaders. Parents, this is your job. Others will join you, but they won’t be as nice about it. You love your child, no matter what. It is your job to teach him how not to become full of himself.
There are many ways to create a servant heart in your child. The first is to teach him to give from the beginning. I taught my kids that new toys meant gently used old toys had to go to Goodwill so that mothers less fortunate could purchase them for their children. My kids always did the choosing and helped me take them to Goodwill. You can teach giving through volunteering time at local charities, helping a neighbor, or just visiting the lonely, like at a nursing home.
Once you’ve fanned the already-present desires of a gifted child to serve, you need to prepare yourself for when he grows a little more selfish with his time. Every one of us goes through this stage; it should not become a phase you try to stamp out. Instead, you need to mandate certain areas of giving - like doing chores, watching younger siblings, or giving a tithe – and give your child some room to be a little selfish. There are a lot of things going on as he travels through adolescence, and most of them aren’t the things you share with Mom and Dad!
Volunteering opportunities come along at about the age of fourteen. Watch for them and be ready to encourage your teen to join. Unlike when your child was young, don’t make this a family venture. Let your teen do some volunteer work with others. It is in this time that your teachings will return, and admonishments for selfishness given by a peer will go much further in helping him develop a servant heart than if you did it.
Because gifted are natural-born leaders, it won’t be long until your teen is accepting some leadership. No one is scrutinized more than a leader. My grandmother used to say, “On Sunday, we all go to church, and then we come home to roast the preacher.” When you are in the public eye, everyone has an opinion about how you are doing. It is in interacting with the people he is serving that your teen will learn how to serve with a humble heart. He might not love his constituents yet. But he will learn to. Before you know it, you have a young adult who is truly practicing servanthood.
If we are going to make a difference in this world, it is going to have to be through leaders who have no other intentions than helping people. Egotistical leaders on the me-train do little good for the public. There are plenty of those type of leaders out there. And where are the gifted in all of this? Not typically in leadership positions. No, somewhere along the way, they became jaded to service because of all the people who pointed out what they did wrong. We all know how much gifted hate to fail and being reprimanded by the public feels like failure. This is precisely why we push our gifted students at our school to compete. We want them to put their stuff out there so they can learn from their failures. We want them to see that failing is commonplace and necessary for growth. We want them to experience the agony of defeat so that they can truly enjoy the thrill of victory. And then we want them to help the world. A leader with a servant heart is great, but a leader who is gifted and also has a servant heart is a game changer.
- Michelle