Well, I have to say that it’s been awhile since I’ve actually yearned for something. I hadn’t really noticed until this week with my daughter’s visit. As I watched her, searching for the perfect house with her fiancé, I felt the twinges of yearning again for the first time in a long time. I wanted it so badly for them, and I hurt tremendously for them as they waited for news of loan pre-approval.
I can’t say that I’ve missed it! Yearning is painful. Yearning for love to bloom, yearning to get the acceptance letter from a choice college, yearning for summer vacation. I’m not sure exactly when I reached contented, but I kind of have. The last thing I really yearned for, I still want: a new building for my middle and high school. I just don’t yearn anymore for it. I trust God will provide in His time, and I’ve placed it on the back burner. I’ve got so many more immediate issues on which to concentrate.
Maybe that’s what stopped the yearning: I just don’t have time to yearn! I’m hanging on for dear life to keep up with what is already here!
I think there is a real distinction between yearning and just wanting something. I’ve just returned from State Speech Competition. The top six competitors from each region in each division for each style of speech and debate met to determine the overall champions in each event for their school divisions. It was easy to distinguish those who wanted to win from those who yearned to win. The evidence was in the reaction. My students commented as one after another student broke down in tears as he was declared State Champion for his event. But when one of my students was then declared State Champion for Monologue, we better understood the emotion. She was overwhelmed, and tears were the natural reaction. She had wanted to win so badly that she had employed fellow students to critique her and had asked me to re-evaluate her piece several different times. All of that extra work had led to this great moment. It moved me to tears! Our little group of four stayed wound up and excited for almost an hour. We were so proud of her. I truly believe that she yearned for this success, and I am so happy she achieved it.
I think yearning from this point on will be vicarious. I will yearn for those blessings in my kids’ lives that my husband and I have enjoyed. We have had such a wonderful life; I hope they enjoy theirs as much. I can honestly say that I yearn for their happiness… so I guess I do still yearn! I just have to remind myself that it’s there… peeking up behind all the busy-ness of each day!!