Common sense is defined as “good sense and sound judgement in practical matters.” Yes, please. I’m in. I believe it was Forrest Gump who famously said, “Mama always said, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’” My definition for “stupid” has always been “one who repeats the same mistakes.” Common sense is what we’re supposed to gain when we go through an experience. We are supposed to decide afterwards whether we will do it that way again or alter our approach a bit. To have an experience go badly and not alter our methods is, by Gump’s definition, stupid. Yet, I see people make the same mistakes over and over and over. Heck, I make some of the same mistakes over and over and over. How do we correct this human foible so that we may gain common sense?
The first step, I think, is to truly desire a better outcome. If we want to pass a test, and we know that we must study to pass it, we have to actually study. We cannot fail to study and still expect the to pass the test. I contend that people who know they should study, don’t study, and then profess that they do not know why they cannot pass the test, don’t actually want to pass the test. It is unimportant in the grand scheme of things, or they do not find value in the subject, or maybe they just don’t care. But passing is not really the goal. The goal is finding the excuse Mom buys.
My own example: if I really wanted to lose weight, I’d stop eating when I’m full, I’d quit buying things that are bad for me, and I’d exercise regularly. The fact that I don’t do any of those things shows that I am not really serious about losing weight yet.
Okay, so how does this apply to my gifted child? Your gifted child is a natural debater. He can make you believe that he really wants to accomplish whatever it is you find important without ever making the effort to actually do so. I see this repeatedly. If I had a dime for every parent who thinks that his child just “doesn’t test well,” when in actuality, his child has never taken a note TO study, I’d have ten or eleven bucks by now!
So, we have to address the common sense your child seeks. You and I would think a failing grade would be impetus to study more. Au contraire. Your child’s goal is for you not to punish him for doing poorly on the test. The common sense he learns is from the excuses he tries. Mom bought my story about feeling ill and not doing well on the test because of it last time. But, that won’t work again. I have to make a new reason.
And in this manner, your child learns what excuses succeed and what excuses fail. He does not, however, learn that he doesn’t need an excuse if he’ll just study and pass the test! Why doesn’t he learn this simple piece of common sense?! We can see it so clearly. Why can’t he? Because we can see the need for the information, and he cannot. He sees a series of simple choices: study or continue my video game? Study or chat online with friends? Study or slee…zzzzzz. You get my drift.
The next morning he awakes, woefully unprepared. Time that could be spent reasoning out answers is instead spent working out what will be the best way to play this off as not his fault.
Now, I will tell you that this is the story of your very gifted child. If your child is like me – on the lower end of giftedness – the drive to pass the test will come from within. We on the lower end usually have a sibling who just knows everything, and we are on a quest to prove that we, too, are intelligent. When we do fail, we analyze the fire out of what went wrong, and we vow never to let it happen again. We don’t, however, let up on ourselves, and thereby show a lack of common sense, as well.
It is your job, Parents, and my job as a teacher to help gifted kids recognize their own misinterpretations about achievement. For the highly gifted, we need to call them on their excuses. There should be a required grade and an automatic loss when that grade is not achieved. I wouldn’t make it an A. I would say that C’s and below are not acceptable. The child doesn’t have to worry about making an excuse because no excuse will keep the punishment from happening (within reason, of course). For the overachiever, it is our job to help them learn that perfection is not required or even desired. We have to show them that achievement doesn’t have to come at the cost of personal health and well-being. Once we have fixed the focus of their efforts, we should see common sense grow as the child learns how to navigate tests well.
There’s one last area I would like to address regarding common sense. The only way to gain it is through experiences. I see way too many parents not allowing their children to have enough experiences. Those whose parents tell them they cannot date, sneak it at school. Those whose parents don’t let them hang out with friends end up not knowing how to balance friend time and study time once they get to college. It is so very important that you allow your child to have a wide range of experiences. Be a part of those experiences while you can still be the voice of advice. Once they get to college, yours will not be the advice they seek. Give your child enough experiences, and I guarantee he will gain common sense!
- Michelle