Home.  A sentence is a group of words that expresses a complete thought; however, this one word says it all. (Yes, I know there must be a verb to be a sentence!) How often we express that overwhelming rush of emotions with this one word that says it all…home.  After an exhausting road trip, the sight of home brings welcomed relief.  After a devastating circumstance enters our life, nothing brings comfort like home.

            Now that I’m in my autumn years of life, and I have faced the deaths of both parents, I hear the refrain sung by Tom Jones playing again and again in my mind: “It’s good to touch the green, green grass of home.”  Of course, he’s singing about coming home to be buried.  Although I’ve hummed this song many times, I cannot feel I have such a place where I long to be buried.  In fact, I’ve never been one to become completely attached to anything.  Instead, I carry within the scrapbook of my mind many warm memories that can be accessed at a moment’s notice.  That seems to suffice in the realm of holding on to something forever.

            This past Thanksgiving, I found one of my staff coming to terms with her empty nest syndrome.  She brought all kinds of pies for our student lunches since she wouldn’t be cooking a big meal this year.  Then, I remembered that “stomach in my throat” feeling I get every time my children and grandchildren gather together with us for a holiday, and then leave for their homes.  Suddenly, my own home seems a little empty, a little less jovial and complete.  That’s when I take great comfort in the knowledge that God has prepared a home for us in Heaven where we will at last meet and simply say, “Home.”

                                                                           -    Kay

Goals

      Goal setting is a subject that’s easy to write about, but it is something that can be very difficult to do in reality.  Oh, it’s easy enough to identify goals; it’s just hard to create a plan to successfully accomplish them.  Perhaps the least successful ones are those made as New Year’s resolutions…so I never make those!

      I believe the most successful goals are those that arise out of uncomfortable circumstances.  If a person is miserable enough, a goal to never face that circumstance again becomes a driving force that can shape a life.  I had that experience in my childhood home of St. Louis.  Every spring, I would look out at our city’s grey skies, traffic-clogged streets, and never-ending concrete sidewalks, and long to be somewhere that had blue skies, grass covered fields, and trees!  That is why I love Oklahoma so much!  I love these open spaces, beautiful big skies, and of course, lots of rolling hills, fields and trees!  When I left for college at seventeen, I told my family, “I’ll never move back here again.”

      The hardest part of teaching students to set goals is getting the goal to be an achievable one.  It’s like choosing a topic for a research project.  Too often, the chosen topic is too large to cover in depth.  So, I help them to isolate a single part of the huge topic and to focus on that one aspect.  It is the same in setting the first goal: make it simple and fairly easy to accomplish.  Then, proceed in the same way you would eat an elephant…one bite at a time!  Once the beginning small goals are met, it is easier to plan strategies for the next goals, and on it goes.

      When I set a goal, I usually accomplish it.  I guess it comes from years of practice.  It may also stem from the fact that I would rather die than not fulfill a promise I make to someone.  Another reason I seem to be successful at setting goals and meeting them is the Bible promises that direct me to lean upon God.  “Trust in God and lean not unto your own understanding, and He will direct your paths.”  I also believe Psalm 139 which tells me God had a plan for my life while I was in my mother’s womb.  It has been a marvelous experience to watch as God has led people and events into my daily walk which have been part of the process of meeting His goal for my life during these past 72 years. 

                                                                                          - Kay

We are to the end of the robotics season at school, and I am already setting goals for next year’s competition season.  Isn’t that the way we work?  We don’t even take a day off before we’re planning what we can do better next time! 

     Goals are so important, though.  I have come to the conclusion that the ultimate “aha moment” in school is the moment a student realizes that we teachers are here to help him realize his goal.  Before that moment, he is just going to school because he has to.  Once he sees that we can be used to help him reach his goal, the working relationship becomes a side-by-side effort toward a shared goal, rather than a push from behind and a carrot out front.

    I had the pleasure of the company of one of my student’s parents on the trip home from robotics competition.  I listened as she told of gaining her university education in Vietnam.  She told of having to choose teaching as a profession instead of a medical profession because her family did not have enough money to build her a practice after school.  She spoke of dorm rooms, the same size as ours, with 24 students in each room.  Studying was impossible in that condition and there was no library, so she would find a street lamp or building light outside and sit under it studying till late into the night, all the time worrying about being assaulted.  Toward the end of her college education, the university got a library.  It would quickly fill up, so she and a friend would switch off holding each other’s spot and going to eat dinner just so both could be assured a safe study area.  She ended up getting hired to teach by that very university and loved it.  I see that same drive in her own children, each of whom is in a class two or three years ahead of what he/she should be in according to chronological age.

     Parents often ask me, “But how do I get my child to that ‘aha moment’?”  That is the million dollar question.  My advise is to take him to college campuses and let him see what’s ahead.  Don’t go on a summer day; go on a day when the campus is hopping with activity.  Give your child a vision of herself doing what these kids are doing.  Also, begin in early middle school pointing out strengths you see in your child.  “I’ve noticed that you seem to be able to see the bigger picture and not fall apart when things don’t go the way you’d like.  Do you know who has to do that in their job?  Managers, administrators, chief operating officers.  You might consider a job in business or management.”

    Your teen will have a counselor at school, but you are the best advocate for your child.  You know him/her the best.  You know strengths and weaknesses and how your child deals with stress and responds to certain situations.  Besides that, you’re the one God chose to mentor this young soul.  So, if you want a goal-driven teen, actively seek to motivate your child to make goals.  I guarantee you will not have any regrets!

                                                            - Michelle

You may or may not be aware of the social media trend to comment “#goals” on posts showing content that we are jealous of or aspire to be. This also includes relationship goals, parenting goals, etc. This comment basically says this is what I want my life to be like. We have talked in previous posts about the importance of goal setting, but this type of goal setting, based off of other people’s lives, is not ideal.

Being in the business of marketing, I have been able to study social media and its effects on our self-esteem and identity. We all put our best foot forward on social media, showcasing the best parts of our lives and presenting things as if they are better than they actually are. It is natural for us to want to do this. The problem is what this communicates to other people. Because we are seeing people at their best, we think our own realities don't measure up.

One of the most important factors in goal-setting is being realistic. While it is great to dream big, setting unachievable goals can be incredibly harmful to your self-esteem. Attainable goals help people focus and work toward long-term objectives.

To maintain your journey to reaching your goals, it is necessary to check-in at regular intervals. Ask yourself what you have done this week to contribute to achieving your goals? If the answer is nothing, you might need to reconsider your level of commitment to these goals.

The faster you start working towards your goals, the faster you will meet them, and continue your journey for self-improvement. This ultimately will make you feel better on many levels because you will be happy with your progress and how far you have come. It will also positively affect other areas of your life.

 - Bria

Excess

     I don’t usually get out on Black Friday shopping.  I once stood in line outside a ToysRUs at 4:00 in the freezing morning to get a free Pokeman game they were offering the first five hundred customers.  My son was a big fan, and I was going to really surprise him!  When it turned out to be a black-and-white photocopy of a little gameboard you might find in a coloring book, I decided then and there that NO bargain was big enough for me to stand two hours in the cold for.  Nevertheless, on Thanksgiving evening this year, I found myself in a line at Kohl’s with my daughter.  She got some great deals, we were inside and warm, and I wasn’t missing any sleep, so…  I found myself wondering about the massive purchases I was seeing around me.  Were these people just that more organized than me?  I never have any money left by the end of the month.  Did they save all year just so they could buy arm loads of towels, sheets, and pillows?  Good on them.  I could probably save a lot of money if I were more organized like that.  The following day, I overheard a shopper say, “We can always return what we don’t need,” and I wondered if itwas less “organization” and more “hoarding.” 

    We are in the season of excess.  Excessive parties, excessive big meals, excessive purchases and gifting, excessive sweets, excessive time off.  I cannot decide if the excess if our reward to ourselves for a long, hard year or just an indulgence we allow and pay for over the next several months.  I’m okay with either explanation!

    I think it’s okay to have a month of on-again/off-again excessive-ness.  It causes us to gather up loved ones and friends to share the excess with them.  It makes us spend extra time thinking of just the perfect way to show we love and appreciate those we gift.  It gives us an opportunity to have our childhood sweet tooth again and motivation to make our New Year’s resolutions.  Mostly, it just feels good!

   In this time of excess, I would like to encourage parents to do one thing with their children regarding excess:  teach them to pay it forward.  Because we were a military family and everything owned had to be packed frequently, I encouraged the giving of unused items to Goodwill.  At Christmas and birthdays, my kids had to give a toy to Goodwill for every new toy they were getting.  The idea was that someone less fortunate could have a better birthday or Christmas if there were some good toys for his/her mother to buy at Goodwill for him/her.  My kids have remained charitable into their adulthood, and I am sure it began with this simple act. 

   Last Friday morning, I saw a mother/daughter team on Good Morning America.  They had started an online program called iSOW.  Gabrielle, the daughter, had asked for a bike and enough money to start an investment account for her ninth birthday.  Instead, she got a Make Your Own Gum kit, two weaving looms, a butterfly conservatory, and a rainbow loom to sit alongside the one she already had.  Her mom, Tanya, began the site to allow kids to receive gifts that really matter.  On the site, kids can set up a fund for something for which they really want to save, and they can designate a charity to which donations can be made in their name.  I love this!  This is similar to a plan a lot of us parents used when my kids were young.  Money earned or given went into four places:  wallet (for immediate spending), tithe, short-term savings (for a trip or a bigger purchase), and long-term savings (for a car or college).  To encourage long-term saving, we matched every $50 put there.  The cool thing about doing it online is the ability to make other family members aware and let them help contribute.  Great idea!

   In this season of excess, I encourage you to make your children aware of opportunities to share the wealth.  It is too easy for kids to think the season is all about them.  If you help them see opportunities to serve now, you will be proud of the adults they become later.  I know I am!

                                                                   - Michelle

               Excess…I wonder about the timing of this topic…so soon after Thanksgiving dinner!  Oh well, I have certainly been thinking about the topic as I have been flooded with excess these past few weeks: football games almost every night and weekends on TV; Black Friday advertisements weeks before it is actually Black Friday; and of course, all that food on Thanksgiving Day!

               As an art instructor, I am always telling my students, “Less is best…excess kills!”  This is my way of keeping them from overworking the piece of art they are creating.  I can’t even count the number of students who have ignored this caution and cried with frustration as they faced the ugly truth that they could not recover what was once a fine piece of art.  However, once this experience takes place, the students usually seek peer advice and proceed with caution.

               I was born in 1944, so I am not a Baby Boomer.  However, I have kept up with the analysis that’s been done on them throughout the years.  I agree that they received a lot of gratification compared to earlier generations, but I also am aware of their great sacrifices during the Vietnam Conflict.  Now, I look at the indulgences given to generations who have never experienced a draft for a war.  Thank goodness for our volunteers who served our country in the defense of Kuwait and in the aftermath of 911.

               The amount of indulgences given to children can breed greed.  I once had a student in kindergarten  whose mother gave her $100 for getting her a cup of coffee when her siblings wouldn’t.  How does a teacher reward such a child…stickers, treats, etc. seem so mundane in comparison.  I hate the message we’ve sent to children at Halloween…go ask for candy…it’s all free!  Then, stores skip over Thanksgiving to get to the stuff Santa is going to bring them! 

               Probably the area I am most concerned about is the excessive attention given to the freedom of speech issues and the almost total ignoring of the rest of the Constitution.  This one document   has been the sustaining power for our country since it was written.  My prayer is that our desires as a nation for “excess” will not become a stumbling block to future generations. 

                                                                           Kay

It’s the most wonderful time of the year...or is it? 2016 has gotten a bad reputation for being one of the worst years in recent history. Aside from political tensions, police violence and the various deaths this year has seen, we are also at the beginning of what many call our next great economic crash. At the beginning of this year, we saw major financial journalists predicting a terrible economic climate for the United States this year. Checking in at the end of the year, we can see that this prediction has proved true. Inflation maintains its steady increase, starting with .07% in 2015, 1.7% in 2016, with predictions to rise to 2.0% by 2018. This country also continues to dig itself deeper and deeper into debt. People are beginning to feel a familiar hardship that we experienced circa 2007-2008. One might think that, presented with these facts, people might try to cut back or save for a rainy day. In reality, this Black Friday saw some of the highest revenue since its genesis, including over $3 billion in online purchases.

I’m not pointing fingers; I made a fair share of purchases this weekend. This time of year dictates excess. Advertisers everywhere sit around a table brainstorming new ways to make us spend more. It’s not too hard... a majority of Americans have the tendency to be highly consumeristic. For most of the year we keep this a secret, but during the holidays, we can justify these purchases because we are buying for others (most of the time). During the holiday season, everything is overdone: we eat too many calories, we spent too much money, we decorate our houses to an exorbitant amount and we celebrate. This is all justified because it only happens once a year, right?

We still need to be mindful of our limits. It’s great to celebrate and create traditions for your family and friends, but we have to think past the holidays. Last week we talked about the importance of impulse control. This is one of the most trying times of the year for our impulses. Rather than browsing the Amazon Black Friday sales and buying things you didn’t even know you needed, give that money to someone less fortunate than yourself, or save for something important. We are in a season of heightened spending; it's worth it to make this spending count. This year, don’t buy that 50% off drone or that reindeer costume for your dog (it won’t wear it, trust me). Use your money on something that matters. Enjoy the most wonderful time of the year, but don’t forget the months beyond December.

                                              -Bria

Impulse Control

Impulse control is something that should be ingrained in a child at an early age. Postponing this important lesson can determine someone’s potential for success at every stage of life, and those who cannot properly control their impulses often fall behind.

Impulses can be physical or mental, and the key distinction of an impulse is that it is a strong urge or desire to do something. An impulse can be positive or negative, but typically when dealing with impulse control we are talking about controlling negative impulses.

In college, I see this all the time. My peers who go out every night and skip classes often times find themselves falling behind. Because they are unable to control the impulse to drink or party, this has adverse effects on their education and dedication to their studies. Staying out late means that maybe they skip a class or two to sleep in or maybe they procrastinate on an assignment to go out with friends. However, the problem with this is that it is a slippery slope, and it's easy to keep taking it one step further. College used to be a time when people could fail in a safe space and be irresponsible because it was a time to learn these lessons. However, with the rising cost of attendance, getting a college education is now a personal investment that determines your future. The time to learn to manage your impulses is no longer college.

The sooner we learn to manage negative impulses, the sooner we can become successful, functioning members of society. So the question is, when does this start? My answer is, ASAP. Children in this nation are being enabled to act on negative impulses. This is why we are seeing a rise in childhood obesity, behavioral issues and consumeristic tendencies starting at a young age. We are not making our children learn how to control themselves, and thus we are setting them up to fail. It is important to push your children to learn to control their impulses while they are in a safe place with low consequences, because if they haven't learned this important lesson, later in life they will experience hardships that are completely avoidable. I urge parents to empower your children to be their best selves by teaching the hard lessons early. This will set the child up to be successful and it will make your time with them easier as well.

Bria

              Impulse control, today’s topic, seems to be the lid on Pandora’s Box!  As I started thinking about this issue, I decided to see just what was being said about it on the internet.  Goodness!  I am suddenly aware of the problem that lies beneath most teachers’ frustration in their classrooms.  I had no idea how prevalent this problem has become.

                My husband, a clinical social worker, feels that exposure to the many chemicals in our society may be at fault.  Whatever, the fault, it is a major problem in schools.  Lesson plans are often sabotaged by one or two children who have impulse control issues.  Thus, today’s teachers must not only plan lessons, but also plan preventative steps to keep the lesson on track.  It is a process far more complex than one can imagine.  “What can possibly go wrong?” is a good place to start.

                Since I teach first graders, I see the problem of impulse control quite often.  My job becomes the beginning stage for teaching these children the skills for focusing, cooperating, completing tasks, and the proper emotional reactions.  Consistency and routine are very important to managing the classroom.  Yet, I love to add humor so we don’t become mechanical robots just completing a list of tasks. 

                I use games in the class to give us opportunities to practice impulse control.  These are thinking based games in which students have to physically balance objects to win.  The law of gravity cannot be argued out of existence, so when a child with impulse control plays the game, s/he usually begins to learn a change in behavior is necessary in order to “beat” the game.  This has proven to be helpful to these children, and it is rewarding to me to see them gain some control over their action and reactions.

                The best I can offer as advice to concerned parents would be to read the information given at www.understood.org.  I would also remind people to pray for teachers and the tasks we face every day as we deal with this problem.  

                                                                                                                Kay

I do not understand a current trend I’ve seen with several new parents.  Their toddler is running willy-nilly all over the place, grabbing everything in sight and sounding like an entire playground of children.  Very reminiscent of the Tasmanian Devil of cartoons. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad are patiently naming and explaining each item Junior has grabbed in a desperate attempt to quench their child’s “insatiable thirst for knowledge.”  What?!!  I’ve got news for you, Mom and Dad:  he’s not listening to you.  He’s simply following his impulses.  You have the right to patiently continue, though… as long as it’s not my stuff he’s grabbing, that is.  

  At what point does your child’s right to unbridled “learning” supersede others rights?  The line seems to be moving more and more, and because we do not encourage disciplining other people’s children in our society, we protect everything we can until the tornado’s interests lead him out our door.  Then we lock it.

   All kidding aside, the increasing number of students coming to school in America who lack any kind of impulse control is alarming.  Every thought they have gets a voice.  If they want to get up in the middle of a lesson to explore something else, they just do it.  Their flash-to-bang reactions cause disturbances among classmates, and their total disregard for safety rules on the playground (in favor of exploring without restriction) lands them on time out more often than not.

   What really stumps me is that the parents doing this seem to be well-educated, and most of the worst behaved children have had doctors determine that they are not ADHD.  The parents have  trained their puppy to pee on command, but they feel any kind of restriction of activity on their child will thwart his growth.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  ( Please note:  I am addressing kids whose parents do not discipline, not kids with special needs.)

    Being a principal in a school of gifted students means I have many very inquisitive students.  Some suffer from lack of impulse control (none at the level of which I was addressing above, thank heavens!).  The key to helping them is to break their will, not their spirit.  The spiritthat causes them to be curious is great; it should be nurtured. Willful disobedience in elementary school is never okay.   Yes, I understand the principles behind “Civil Disobedience.”  In fact, I teach it to my sophomores.  But, there is no need for civil disobedience in an elementary school.  What are we asking from your child?  Sit in your chair.  (Don’t ride it, crawl under it, or balance it.)  Speak in turn. (Don’t talk over others… including me.)  Do your work in a timely manner.  (Focus.) 

   The best way to teach your child impulse control is to teach him empathy for those around him.  Oddly enough, these same students are often the first to tattle on someone else following his impulses.  Parents must take the time to explore with their child what others are feeling when he doesn’t exercise impulse control.  If he cannot understand that his behavior is frustrating others, he is never going to figure out why he is beginning to be ostracized in class… and they will ostracize him if he’s getting in trouble a lot, mark my words.

    Hand-in-hand with a lack of impulse control is the inability to deal with disappointment.  This is because these kids are rarely disappointed.  It’s too risky to disappoint a child with no impulse control.  Ultimately, it will be the parent who is embarrassed by the child’s reaction when he suffers disappointment… so they don’t let it happen.  At school, we do, and I refer back to our TriOpinion blog on the benefit of failure.  If you want your child to be successful at school, you must do the hard work of teaching delayed gratification and grace when losing and the benefit of working from within a set of rules or standards.  To not do so is to almost guarantee you’ll be investing money in counseling later down the road. 

-          Michelle

Veterans

     I am married to a veteran.  JT spent 30 years in the U.S. Army and retired a full colonel.  He deployed to Desert Storm, to Bosnia, twice to Iraq,  and to Afghanistan, and he had tours that took him away from us five of those thirty years as well.  We even spent almost five years at the National Training Center, a tour that requires three weeks of 24/7 service every month, giving soldiers four days to recoup before beginning the cycle again.  None of these was as tough on him as retiring was.

    My husband bleeds green.  His desire to serve in the military began in the 7th grade when local veterans worked with him at the YMCA.  He was so impressed that he immediately decided he wanted to go to West Point to be like them.  After high school and a year at Marion Military Institute, JT got his appointment to West Point.  He attended Ranger and Airborne schools upon graduation, and received his first duty station:  Ft. Sill… where he met me.

   If JT had his way, he would have stayed in the military till he died, but thirty years is the max if one doesn’t make general.  At the conclusion of his service, JT was the highest ranking colonel on the post.  He was important and respected and known.  Within a month, he was just unemployed.  JT spent two years as an insurance salesman… a very humbling position.

This fall we employed JT at our school.  It’s been a steep learning curve, but he is a natural.  Even though he has encouraged the students to call him “Mr. Smith,” more than one still calls him “Colonel.”  The respect that title brings is back, and my husband feels necessary again. 

    On this Veterans Day weekend, I would like to encourage you to go beyond just thanking veterans for their service.  They are not used up when they retire.  Many began the career at just 18 years of age.  So very many are still relatively young when they have to retire, and they have so much expertise to offer. 

-        Michelle

Veterans’ Day has always been special to me.  Perhaps it is because I was born in April of 1944 close to the end of World War II, or because the Vietnam War left its mark on all the men in my family.  All I know is that I cry at the sight of an American flag marching by, or the sound of our rousing National Anthem being played or sung.  Here, in this military community of Ft. Sill, every day is ended with the lowering of the flag and the playing of Taps.  At 72 years, these things still cause a flood of emotions to well up inside my chest.

      I grew up watching the Hollywood movies about World War II and the Korean Conflict.  It was a monologue cutting from such a movie that earned my first A+ in drama class: a young wife waited every day for the mail to be delivered so she would hear from her soldier husband…only to receive the notification that he was killed in action.  Many in the audience cried with me as I portrayed the gut-wrenching scene. 

      How different it was to actually live that type of emotion in a war situation!  I will never forget the night my son-in-law came to say goodbye to our family and his new son before he and my daughter left for Ft. Sill where he met his battery of soldiers to depart for Desert Storm.  I cried as he told that little baby how much he loved him.  My heart ached as we each hugged him goodbye and told him to stay safe.  We each then played the waiting game I had dramatized years before as part of a high school assignment.

      The reality was that our son in law had to risk travel in the desert at night to reach a place from which a satellite call could be sent so Michelle could inform the wives of his soldiers that all were still well and alive.  She had the added task of asking wives not to send “Dear John” letters to their husbands and boyfriends while they were deployed.  In summary, it was a very emotional time in our lives.  Although our son in law lived through at least four war deployments, it was never easy.

      I am a devoted fan of our veterans, and their families, and pray daily for their safety.  I salute them for their sacrifice and courage in serving the missions set forth by our government.  And most of all, I salute my son in law, J.T. Smith, who truly was and remains an “officer and a gentleman!”

-        Kay

This week saw the conclusion of a rollercoaster of an election period. The decision left the country divided and many people feeling frightful for their country’s future. All of the backlash from the outcome of this race distracted the nation from another important day this week. While opinions are out about most things in the political sphere, the majority of people come together in the support of our veterans.

Last Friday was Veteran’s day. This was celebrated and recognized in different ways. Back home, it meant a day off school/work for my family. For me, it meant after work I got to go shopping and get discounts with my military ID. Some places hosted events, ceremonies and parades, but this Veteran’s Day seemed to go somewhat unnoticed this year.

Last year on Veteran’s Day, I joined my volunteer group at a courthouse in the suburbs to serve breakfast to veterans and collect war stories and memories for an NPR piece. In previous years I have attended ceremonies and parades celebrating our nation’s veterans. This year was just another day. Even the typical outpouring of love and support in the form of Facebook posts was much leaner this year.

I say all of this not to say that we as a country have forgotten our heroes, but to say that we have focused on so much about what is tearing us apart that we have forgotten what brings us together. This week we elected a President that wants to “make America great again,” but we can’t forget to recognize the men and women that have made sacrifices that have already made this country great. As we move forward as a divided nation, we must remember those who have fought for our right to be a nation. Rather than being upset about our government, be happy that we live in a free nation, that has a lot of problems, but has brave men and women defending our right to have these problems.

-        Bria

Fall

Fall is my favorite season of the year.  I get a sensation of a clean washing of the atmosphere as the first cool, damp, dew-filled mornings of fall awaken all my senses.  The glorious colors of the forest foliage almost make my eyes throb.  It is a time of crisp sounds such as the breaking of leaves, and the scurrying steps of squirrels rushing to hide their store of nuts.  My lungs seem to breathe more deeply than at other times of the year.  Thus, I begin each day of fall thinking, “It’s a great day to be alive!”

My memories of driving to Colorado and New Mexico just to view the golden colors of the Aspen leaves are embedded deeply in my mind.  The joyful delight of our children playing with our dog in huge piles of fallen leaves out in the Wichita Mountains comes to my mind every time we drive out through this beautiful area of our state.  I remember bon fires with young people who were part of our youth groups; a memory stirs when the smell of smoke drifts out of chimneys on cool fall mornings.

When I reached my 50th birthday, I felt that I was beginning the autumn of my life.  I had a new sense of confidence since I had weathered the storms of life through a half-century.  I also began to notice that women seem to be at their most beautiful stage of life.  An excellent example of this would be how much more beautiful Sophia Loren became at this stage of her life.  It is akin to the glorious coloring of the trees in fall.  Now that I am in my seventies, I begin to be aware of the coming season of winter.  I find my steps a little more carefully taken. I am more cognizant of the need to “slow down and smell the roses.”  Just this morning in my Sunday School lesson, I read one of my favorite quotes: “ I expect to pass through this world but once.  Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now.  Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” – Stephen Grellet

What more could I say?       

-        Kay

Fall has always been a special time for my family. Long before the pumpkin spice latte, I would wake up to the smell of pumpkin bread baking in the kitchen. I would walk out of my bedroom to an array of orange, yellow, red and brown transforming our home into seasonal space that rivaled Hobby Lobby’s fall decor.  To this day, I won’t officially transition into Fall until the first time I make pumpkin bread. Although I have moved away from home, I still look forward to going home for the holidays and being greeted by decorative leafs, pumpkins and the smell of a cinnamon broom.

As an adult, I have been able to build on these traditions. I love making my own applesauce from apples purchased from a farmer’s market or picked from an orchard. Halloween is also one of my favorite parts of the season. I always make sure to go all out with my costume and decorate my house with bats, skulls and pumpkins. My absolute favorite part of the season is Thanksgiving. Whenever I describe my family’s Thanksgiving to my friends, I tell them that it is a production. We start cooking the day before and make way more food than we could ever dream of eating. Everything is perfect, down to the leaf plates and the copious amount of dessert.

Every family has traditions, but most of my favorite family traditions involve Fall. This is one of the reasons why I love this season so much. I believe that it is really important to establish family traditions. Traditions contribute to a family’s identity and provide comfort and lasting memories. Traditions can also bring a family together in a really special and meaningful way. As I grow older and begin to create my own traditions, I will cherish the traditions of my childhood and the happy memories they have created for me.

-        Bria

      The topic this week was chosen because it’s a light topic, and all three of us are in the middle of very heavy work loads.  Mom (Kay) is recovering from shoulder surgery… by continuing to do all of the requirements of her job as full-time teacher and superintendent and lunch lady.  Bria is nearing finals in her three masters-level courses -  which means lots of projects coming due – while working full time.  And I am in the time of year when every Saturday is spent with students at some kind of competition. 

    Besides, who doesn’t love fall?  At the first sign of cool weather, the sweatshirts and sweaters begin appearing, everything we eat and drink is flavored “pumpkin spice,” and curling up on the sofa to read a good book or watch a football game is Sunday standard behavior.  For a season that precedes winter’s “death,” autumn sure is beloved.

    What is our fascination?  Is it the warm, earthy colors of fall?  Is it the traditional baked goods? Tailgating?  Leggings with boots?  Just what makes us love this time of year so much?

    Before this season was called “fall” or “autumn,” it was called “harvest” because it was the time between August and November during which farmers harvested their crops to make it through the long winter.  Maybe that’s the reason we like it so much.  Maybe we’re “harvesting.”  I offer:  Bria is approaching finals, the culmination of a semester’s work, packaged up and ready for evaluation.  My students have spent hours and hours preparing for competitions, and now – in fall – they will “harvest” that work and see if it is sufficient for success.  I could apply the harvesting analogy to Mom’s shoulder injury, but I’d probably get in trouble… so I won’t go there! 

     While we dread the prep work for that harvest, there is something fulfilling about actually doing the harvesting.  It’s like a last final push and a big “how did I do?” before a well-deserved winter’s break.  Happy harvesting to you and yours! 

-        Michelle

Choosing Kindness

No, I didn’t pick this topic because the candidates for President are predominantly NOT choosing kindness!  My inspiration was our school’s robotics team.  Lawton Academy has participated in BEST Robotics, Inc. competition at the Heartland BEST hub in Alva, Oklahoma, for eleven years now.  We actually began competing at a different hub twelve years ago, but within a year we moved to Northwestern Oklahoma University (even though it was farther away) because the university faculty in charge of the competition was so very kind and helpful.   

BEST Robotics competitions are different than many of the robotics competitions out there today.  For most of them, the kids pay a fee for a robotics kit, and they build a robot with that kit, tweaking parts for strategy.  In BEST, the kids are given a piece of plywood,  a sheet of metal, some PVC, screws, four motors, six servos, and a VEX “brain” to program. (There’s a bit more, but these are the main components.)  The kids have six weeks to figure out how to turn all this into a robot that can perform a set of given tasks in three minutes.  There are no instructions; participants are encouraged to enlist the help of engineers in the area.  Because of the steep learning curve, many teams fail the first year and don’t try again. 

My team was contacted by an OKC team and asked some questions.  Then they were contacted via Twitter by another middle school team.  They helped both.  On competition day, the kids helped both of those teams and a third new team with complications with their robots between rounds.  It was great to see!  First of all, how many competitions do you see in which competitors help each other to do better?  Second, how many teens do you see take the initiative on their own to help others on opposing teams? 

By the middle of the day, Heartland BEST staff were finding me to tell me what a wonderful kid one of our team in particular was because of his help.  They wanted to meet his parents and thank them as well!  Good sportsmanship has always been one of our main goals.  It was nice to see the kids rewarded so heavily for their kindness.  (By the way, we won 2nd place and are moving on to Regionals!)

Because I coach a variety of electives, I get to attend a variety of professional meetings for coaches of those electives.  MathCounts, vocal music, robotics, band, and speech are the primary electives.  It is interesting to me to see how differently the organizations function.  My favorites are the robotics and speech.  Everything about BEST Robotics encourages working together to promote engineering, science, and technology – not the team itself.  My students have become friends with kids from all over Oklahoma.  Speech competitions are like family reunions.  We meet at one team’s school, where we perform our speech pieces in front of other teams’ coaches and get feed back on how we’re doing and what we can improve.  All participating are encouraging every one around them to do well.  The coaches actually begin to feel as if they are team mentoring the entire body of speech students.  Consequently, when we get together for large speech meetings, the only consternation is in making decisions that don’t equally benefit small and large schools.  It’s a very friendly atmosphere because the powers that be chose to incorporate kindness into the process.  In turn, the kids choose kindness more often than not.

In a world that posts derogatory comments by the millions daily, we could learn some lessons from the people who structured BEST Robotics and the Oklahoma high schools’ speech programs.  To get “kind kids,” we have to cultivate kindness.  The students participating in these two activities are the same kids posting the derogatory comments.  They just know not to do it when in these competitions.  Does that not, then, mean that WE as a society are responsible for the abundance of negativity?  Isn’t their willingness to be kind when asked to be proof enough that they just need the right conditions? Hmmm.

                                                               - Michelle

Showing kindness is becoming a lost art in our society.  Watching parents at sporting events, along with the present election coverage on TV and radio, has almost convinced me that our society no longer knows how to be kind.  Have we actually become a modern day Sparta where offspring who were seen as weak were killed? 

I was in college during the 60s when protests and questioning one’s upbringing were in full swing.  Yet, I don’t recollect the ongoing meanessI see happening all around me today.  This is not my age painting my perspective…it is fact as reported daily in the news, on the internet, and in our schools and places of business.  I do remember noting throughout the past decades that TV increased the uses of put downs to the point that I haven’t watched a weekly comedy since the Reba show was popular.  It appears from the ads I see that, according to TV, all families have dysfunctional parents and very smart wise-cracking children.  American men seem to be portrayed as intellectual dwarfs!

There have always been class clowns in school.  Today, however, anyone who seeks a moment of attention from his peers seems to choose a put down or a cut-low as his mode of operation.  I do enjoy and am thankful for the one or two students who choose a kind word for others.  They are few and far between.  So, I make it my aim to acknowledge that whenever it occurs.

My husband and I were in a Subway getting a sandwich when we noticed a father with two teenage sons ordering.  Both young men were polite, spoke kindly, and treated their father with respect.  We were so impressed that we bought their meals for them.  They told us it wasn’t necessary; our compliments were enough.  But my husband insisted, saying it is necessary.  Perhaps if more people complimented acts of kindness they see happening around them, the idea will spread.  My elementary students are looking for SCAMO… Showing Caring Among Myself and Others.  We tell them no one wants to celebrate a SCAM.  That’s true whether it is self-indulgence or cheating someone else.         

-        Kay

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

                                                                                  -Aesop

2016 has been a rough year for everyone. Between the countless acts of gun violence, police brutality, natural disasters and this awful election, this year has been very grim. People groups have been tearing each other down and our country is divided. Tragedy is becoming more regular, making people numb to terrible happenings. The new year is right around the corner, and many will look to the new year to bring with it hope that has been missing. With just 63 days left of this year, there is still time to turn things around.

At the beginning of each new year we make resolutions. Often times these resolutions are things that will better us as people. Some want to drop a bad habit while others want to drop a few pounds. Most of the time these resolutions are superficial and are not seen through to the next year. We don't often think about making a resolution to make the world a better place. We could choose to be kind to others. After a terrible year full of hardship and hate towards others, a resolution of kindness is exactly what we need.

The quote I included above shows us the first step to fixing the hardships that 2016 brought us. While grand gestures and major movements are important, the little, everyday acts of kindness are important as well. As we approach the year end giving season, it is important to think about your part in making the world a better place. There are many organizations in the nonprofit community that can use our help to make a difference. Getting involved with a nonprofit is a great way to make a direct and immediate impact in your community.

The Tuesday after Thanksgiving is Giving Tuesday. This is an incredibly important day for nonprofits. It was created in response to the consumerism encouraged by Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales. Giving Tuesday asks people to take a portion of the money they intended to spend at these sales and donate it to a charity of their choice. Giving Tuesday is a great way to give back, but donating money is not the only way we can make a difference. Volunteering is another important way to help nonprofits. Anything you can do to give back and put kindness into the world is incredibly important.

All of our individual acts of kindness matter because together, they make a huge impact. If everyone commits to choosing to be kind to his fellow person and to put good into the world, we can make 2017 much better than 2016.

                                                                                - Bria

The Pressure of Deadlines

Deadlines are something with which we are all very familiar. Everyone is always working under a deadline. Although we have an understanding of the term, it meant something very different at its origin. The term deadline dates back to the Civil War. The first recorded use of the word was found associated with prison camps at Andersonville, GA. The deadline was an invisible, or sometimes marked, line that the prisoners could not cross. Guards were instructed to shoot any prisoners that crossed this line, meaning that anyone to cross the line would be dead.

Over the years, this definition has evolved to mean the latest possible time that something can be completed. While the definition is softer, sometimes the implications can feel similar to the original context. We live in a society driven by deadlines, and missing a deadline can have serious consequences. This is why it is important to be realistic with our workload capabilities.

While it seems like a good idea to try to take on as much as possible, it's better to do less -  better and on time. Overcommitting can lead to missed deadlines. Being realistic about how much you can get done is important because it allows you to turn out more consistent and high quality work.

At the same time, arbitrary deadlines can mean that tasks will not get accomplished in a timely manner. Deadlines are important because they keep us on track; they just need to be managed correctly. When we approach deadlines correctly, they can be used as tools to manage productivity.

                        - Bria