Meeting deadlines…. that’s a never-ending battle!  As I reflect upon my past week, enjoying fall break on the white shores of Alabama’s Gulf coast, I am reminded of the presence of reoccurring deadlines in my life.  It is much like the little Plover, a sea coast bird that runs back and forth along the beach catching and eating small morsels of food washed in with each wave of the sea.  He no sooner gets a bite or two of food until a new wave, often larger than the previous, comes barreling down upon him. 

In the Plover’s case, the constant running and dodging of the waves is a life-or-death situation.  Typically, it is not that life-threatening for us as we meet our deadlines.  Yet, we often act as if it were, making life miserable for everyone around us as the clock ticks down.  Being a gifted person myself, I recognize my tendency to put off something until the last possible minute it can be done to meet a deadline.  I have a strong sense of commitment, so I will accomplish the task, but Heaven help those who might be in my way as I give my all to finish before the deadline!

Why do we do this?  Perhaps it is because we hate to say no to requests for our time or input.  Perhaps it is because we have no sense of time management.  I do know that the stress it can cause is probably not worth it.  I have learned from my very wise husband that taking on too much can lead us to the false conclusion that “I just don’t have enough time!”  He reminds me that I have the same 24 hours per day that everyone has.  So, I am learning to take on fewer things and to truly concentrate on what are really the important things in my life.  My preacher reminds me that no one says upon his deathbed, “I wish I had spent more time working!” 

I have watched the federal government set deadlines over and over for us to meet. We do whatever it takes to meet the deadline…only to have the government take its own time in returning its acknowledgement of our status.  Perhaps this aggravating stance on its part is due to the fact that they can say, “When all else fails, change the rules!”  So, until I can control the rules of the playing field, I will have to learn to meet deadlines.  But I can save unnecessary wear and tear upon my life and that of others around me by setting priorities and starting the task earlier.  Now, I have to hurry and get this off to Michelle before our deadline!    

-            Kay

Sometimes it seems that my life is an endless string of deadlines! Deadlines to enter speech, vocal, band, and math competitions; deadlines to get report cards out…there’s always something pressing.  The two deadlines that stress me the most are the robotics engineering notebook and the yearbook due dates.  Both require a lot of work to be done at the very last days.  So many people are working on portions of each, and a small group of students and I put it all together for the two days before it’s due.  I must admit that I’m not an extremely patient person during those two events!  I am always happy with what we have produced, though. There’s such a great feeling upon completion – especially if the job was done well.

     Teaching is a great profession for me because I love “beginnings” and “endings.”  I can’t describe for you the excitement of a new academic year.  Even though I teach many of the same lessons, no two years are the same.  Each year has its own personality.  The year begins, and in a steady procession, one deadline after another comes and goes, each exciting in and of itself. 

     I cannot imagine a life without projects and deadlines.  I know that there are people out there who do a job day-in and day-out without ever experiencing any kind of deadline pressure, but for the life of me, I cannot imagine why they would choose a job like that.  During the summer time, when I’m only teaching summer camps and all contests are on hiatus, I get so bored in the evenings.  Teaching camp makes the days go quickly, but there are no deadlines on which to work during the evenings.  I just about go stir crazy!  Maybe it’s the adrenaline.  I don’t know.  I just know I love to be busy.

     Gifted people are by nature procrastinators.  If it were not for deadlines, many big ideas would never become reality.  As a parent, don’t protect your children from the pressure of a deadline.  In fact, go so far as to set some deadlines for them.  They deserve that great feeling of accomplishment when they meet that deadline.  Besides, the jobs worth having all have deadline assignments.  Look it as prep for their future lives!

-          Michelle

Reputation

As you may know, I’m currently pursuing my MA in public relations and advertising. In PR we talk about reputation management. This is a strategy that a brand uses to shape the way in which its public views it. This might consist of presenting a brand in a certain way on its social media networks. It could also include a certain manner in which that brand conducts itself publicly. Many major companies have an employee that works on reputation management for the brand. Obviously, reputation is incredibly important to brands, but it is also important for individuals.

Another thing we talk about in PR is your own personal brand. The idea is that we as people have our own brand. Everything we put out into the world and everything that we are as people represents our brand. Like major brands, we must also do reputation management. For me, I manage my brand by keeping my social media clean and my outward facing communication professional. I made a decision when I started my own social media profiles that my content would be clean and non-controversial. I do not post anything with negative or inflammatory language, religious/political concepts or themes, and even when I want to, I hold back from social media fights. This develops my brand as professional and inclusive. Because I don’t share opinions that would isolate anyone, I am able to keep a very neutral and positive appearance on social media.

I believe that reputation is one of the most important factors in the hiring process nowadays. Employers want to know that you can conduct yourself in a manner that is consistent with the company’s values. By managing your reputation and personal brand, you can use the same strategy brand’s use to shape people’s ideas of you as a person. This empowers us to take control of how potential employers view us. If we have the power to manage the way in which people perceive us, why wouldn’t we?

-          Bria

Reputations – businesses thrive or die by it.  The Proverbs teach that a good name is worth far more than riches.  They also teach that people tend to remember unpleasant things rather than the good things people have done with their lives.

When I started Lawton Academy of Arts & Sciences, I was relying upon my reputation to bring me students.  I had no financial backing, no government grants, and I wasn’t making any income other than my teacher’s retirement, which turned out to be far less than I expected.  Thank goodness my reputation did bring me eleven students, and thus began our academy seventeen or so years ago.

My students have always heard me teach them that a good community reputation is very important.  When they worked with me in establishing that, local businesses and places of interest welcomed us back.  I am happy to say that I have been proud of the standard my students achieved all these almost fifty years I have been teaching.  It certainly opened a lot of doors for us.

I am dismayed at the presidential campaigning right now. I wonder what impact this will have upon the thinking of our students.  Just Friday, one of my first graders was playing a game of skill with our class.  He had to try to roll a marble onto a small circle drawn on a mat.  When his marble made a sudden turn with a crease in the mat, he exclaimed, “Wow! That was a Donald Trump move!”  I dared not ask why the remark, but the whole class found it to be funny.  I wonder just how much these six-year-olds have heard on the news!

-          Kay

What a timely topic – in light of the current run for the White House.  If past reputations aren’t getting in the way there, I don’t know what is!  I have been in my chosen career for almost thirty years now, the last fourteen being at our private school.  I often think about what my reputation is.  I didn’t stay at the schools the first fifteen years long enough to gain much of a reputation because of the military.  I wouldn’t be concerned about those reputations anyway because I won’t live in those places again.  I do worry about my reputation at this school, though, because I will live here probably the rest of my life.  When I think back to the early years… man, I was so out of my league.  I had been teaching elementary and middle school for all of my career.  My first class at Lawton Academy was similar to a one-room classroom.  I had fifteen fifth through eighth graders.  It was fantastic.  Then I made a move to include high school at Lawton Academy. I had taught high schoolers in Sunday School and youth programs, but I did not really understand what was ahead.  I made many mistakes – mistakes that were necessary to me becoming what I am today – but mistakes nonetheless.  My son was in that first class of high schoolers.  I do a much better job now, and I sometimes wish I could have been better for him.  But then I stop myself from thinking like that.  He has pointed out to me several times that the first group of high schoolers we had were very smart kids rebelling against society’s definition of “school.”  It took that type of strong-minded opposition to forge a high school like ours…very similar to our Founding Fathers!  I pretty much just held on as they laid paths that my students enjoy to this day.  Oh sure, the ratio of student control to my control switched places gradually over the years, but I would say that at least 60% of what we do at LAAS was put in place by these early groups, and that 60% is a lot of what makes our school so appealing to youth. 

     Since then, our typical high school student is one we’ve pretty much raised in our program.  Now, that 60% that was originally put in place because of rebellion against the status quo expands my high schoolers’ visions about their future.  They see a much bigger picture than most kids their age.  I am very happy with what we built.

     I made a lot of parents very mad during that time.  I was letting kids explore and invent.  That’s always dangerous.  Kids made sketchy music and questionable art, and they exercised political opinions that often ran contrary to their parents’ beliefs (including my own child!).  It wasn’t just the “exploring” that made parents mad – don’t get me wrong.  I made a lot of rookie mistakes that I’d love to sweep under the carpet.  During that time, people either loved me or hated me.  Nobody was ambivalent!

    Fourteen years later, I still am embarrassed by some of those mistakes, but I am proud of what we’ve built.  We have turned out enough great students that our school’s reputation has become a really good one.  Our parents and I have a really good working relationship, and I think I have established the reputation of being “fair.”  That’s huge to me. 

    Recently my husband joined out faculty, and we have begun making a plan for our future with the school as part owners.  We don’t want the world.  We just want to make sure that the students who come through Lawton Academy of Arts & Sciences know that they can make a difference and that difference can be made beyond their hometown.  If I make it to old age with a reputation of being true to that goal, I’ll die a happy woman. 

-          Michelle

Consequences - Both Good and Bad

            Consequences…to many people, it is a four letter word!  In this day of “being my child’s best friend,” it is a concept that changes with the mood of the day!  I grew up in a time when consequences for breaking rules or showing misbehavior were always immediate and impressionable.  Therefore, I find it difficult to understand why parents don’t use consequences more in guiding their children’s growth.  I am a constant witness to the blackmail children use to persuade their parents’ behavior.  It seems the shoe is on the wrong foot.

            One of my previous students was so angry that his mother wouldn’t buy him a video game he wanted, that he marched out into the middle of our local WalMart parking lot and started crying and screaming at the top of his lungs.  He told all customers passing by that she was going to beat him when they left.  He pleaded with them to save him.  Consequently, someone called the police and the mother got a visit from the Department of Human Services.  This six-year-old thought it was funny that her mom got into trouble.  Perhaps it is the fear of being reported to the authorities that prevents parents from using more successful discipline methods. 

            If we look around us, nature is full of consequences which result from certain actions or conditions.  If plants aren’t watered, they die.  In the same way, if plants aren’t pruned, they become a massive array of unwanted growth…often preventing the growth of flowers or fruit, which was the original purpose for the plant.  So it seems to be with our children: leave them to their own desires and habits without any guidance, and the paths upon which they may travel could be disastrous!

            The other problem I’ve seen with consequences is the habit of many parents in reacting instead of thinking through a situation.  Thus, a child is restricted in a certain way for two weeks.  Then, it becomes a burden for the parent to constantly monitor the status of the punishment.  It takes thought to carry out a successful consequence, but the results are usually positive change.

            The last problem I see in this area is the failure of many in carrying out the consequence they promised the child.  Our “busy” lifestyle often causes a memory lapse…and the child simply outwaits the parent. Don’t say you’re going to do something if you have no intention of carrying it out.  As an administrator, I learned to think quickly on my feet.  To prevent such a memory lapse, I promised the child to be disciplined that it would be a “Woe be unto you!”  They always asked what that meant.  I smiled and said, “Just you wait and see!  It isn’t good!”  Then, I would go and consult all of my “how-to manuals” and find the best solution I could.  To this day, I’ve had former students mention my “Woe be unto you!” speeches.

-        Kay

Why does the word consequence always conjure thoughts of its connotations rather than its primary meaning?  Maybe because we usually only hear it from those in authority.  An ad agency marketing a product by saying, “Here are the consequences of your action” (buying their product) sounds ridiculous, even though what they do tell us – it’ll make your insert body part here look amazing – is actually telling us the consequence (or at least the one they know you want)!

            A little over a decade ago, I was amazed when the principal at the public elementary at which I taught banned any and all forms of punishment for undesirable behavior.  Instead, we were to build a “refocusing area” in our room.  When a child caused a disturbance, we were to send that child to this area where he could refocus attention on maps or puzzles or something of that nature to take his mind off of whatever got him upset in the first place.  “I can’t tell him what he’s doing is wrong?”  I remember being quite perplexed. 

I’ve been here at Lawton Academy ever since, and I thought this idea had gone by the wayside.  So, you can imagine my concern to find that it is alive and well in many day cares around town.  Consequence doesn’t have a negative connotation at these places… it’s not even considered.  Wow!  Is the kid supposed to innately know that he shouldn’t do a certain action?  How in the world does he “learn better”?   Increasingly, we are seeing tantrums to get one’s way in our youngest students. 

Equally distressing is the rally cry of the helicopter parent who informs the teacher that her child should not be held accountable for bad behavior because of insert stresser of the day here.  Stress shares the burden of only being used in its connotative form. 

So about now, you might be thinking I’ve baited and switched; this is really a piece about discipline.  I would like to see children receive discipline for bad behavior… it certainly makes my job easier.  In fact, when I see a parent disciplining a toddler in the midst of a tantrum, I thank them; conversely, when I see a parent give in, I mutter sarcastically, “Oh, her teachers are gonna love her!” (Usually only loud enough that I feel better but they can’t hear me, though!)

But what I really want to address is the inability of consequences to affect much change nowadays.  When I was a kid, we had a few standard assemblies every year:  don’t smoke, don’t take drugs, here’s what to expect when you get your period, and that embarrassing tablet that showed the plaque on your teeth.  Now the kids are bombarded with warning messages:  Stranger Danger, substance abuse, protect your body, internet safety, and the list goes on.  I find myself wondering if kids haven’t said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I get it.  It’s all dangerous.”  And then put their headphones back on to at least signal that they are ignoring us. 

In the same vein is the lack of effect of good consequences.  Ahh, for the good old days when a star sticker meant the world.  Let’s face it:  the reward for working hard in school is not incredibly tangible until we’re just about to leave. So teachers turn to small rewards that will motivate in the meantime.  Rewards, in and of themselves, are not a bad motivation. After all, we work harder for a bonus or an extra day off.  The problem is that nowadays everything is reward-driven.  The kids are earning badges on computer learning sites, trophies for participation in sports, and money for A’s on report cards.  I’ve had students look at my offer for a reward and say, “Ehh. That’s okay.”  If there was some inkling that the thought behind that judgmental nod was, “No thanks, Mrs. Smith.  I don’t do this for the rewards,” I wouldn’t be too concerned.  It’s more like a “Is that it? I’ll pass” statement. How is a teacher’s reward supposed to compete with an iPhone or a $60 set of headphones or the latest tablet and apps? 

When consequences become inconsequential, society reacts with a knee jerk.  The grade schooler who shoplifts gets prosecuted; the middle school practical joker who dials 911 and hangs up gets a $750 ticket.  It’ll be interesting twenty years down the road to evaluate the consequences of this reaction.

-        Michelle

Consequences are the forces that drive us to make the decisions we make every day. Although we typically categorize consequences as solely negative, consequences are the outcomes of our choices, both positive and negative. I believe that if we boil it down, all intelligent life forms are motivated by consequences. Initially, I would have said all humans are motivated by consequences, but being a pet owner and watching my dog make decisions based upon reward or punishment leads me to the understanding that anything with the ability to reason will use this ability to live according to consequences.

Starting at an early age, we train our children to react to consequences. If a child lashes out against another child, he receives a negative consequence of “time out” or losing a toy or experience. If the child behaves appropriately, he might receive candy or a toy as a reward. By instilling this idea at a young age, we train people to act based upon consequences.

Similarly, we train animals to respond to reward and punishment. Both children and animals can instinctively react to consequences. As the child grows up, this mindset is reinforced. If they do well in high school, they will be accepted into a good college, and if they get into a good college, they will land a great job, right? Right? Wrong, this is not guaranteed, and this is the problem. We raise our children with the idea that if they perform the right steps, they will receive the desired reward. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

It's dangerous to train our children to take steps towards a tangible reward. While obtaining rewards such as employment and success are important, they are not guaranteed results from good actions. So many people get to graduation thinking that if they just do the right steps, everything will work out, because that's what we’ve been told.

Rather than chasing success, we should chase a reward that will come from making the right choices for ourselves. If the consequences of our choices make us sad, we made the wrong choice. If our choices makes us happy, then we know we are doing right by ourselves. While employment and success might make some of us happy, others might find joy from other sources. Instead of waiting for consequences to happen to us, we have the ability to determine consequences that will please us, setting us apart from the way in which animals approach this issue. Being mindful of consequences pushes us to seek what makes us happy. If we live our lives seeking happiness, we will be successful because we will have achieved what is important to us.

                                                                      -  Bria

Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than giftedness of skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.”

-Charles R. Swindoll

I remember as a 7th grader reciting this pledge in front of my parents and peers as I was inducted into my school’s honor society. In the years after, I would read the pledge to new inductees as the President of Honor Society. At the time I remember these words falling over me as a serious commitment to improving my attitude towards life. Now, looking back on this pledge, I realize that I have long forgotten the pledge I took almost a decade ago.

As I reflect on this pledge now, I realize that what Chuck Swindoll is asking of people is very challenging. He is asking everyone to mindfully choose to have a good attitude going into each day. The problem is, very few of us have a high level of attitude awareness. Furthermore many people experience habitual bad attitudes caused by stress, low self-esteem, fear, anger, or many other causes. Regardless of these challenges, we know that attitude is incredibly important. Countless studies detail how attitude is a vital part of success. So how do we consciously decide to have a good attitude when all of these factors affect our ability to make this decision?

One way to start choosing to have a better attitude is to rid your life of negativity. All of the factors that influence habitual bad attitude are influenced by negativity. Reducing or eliminating these factors in your life can make room for positivity. Another way to create a positive attitude is to start your day right. I don’t know about you,  but my day typically starts with a whirlwind. I’m rushing to get ready, the dog is freaking out because I’m leaving, the train runs with delays and, no matter how early I leave, I always feel like I’m running behind. This is how I start my day, and it sets the mood for for the rest of the day. Days that start with a warm drink and a calm dog are much better and typically those days stay positive. Starting out your day with something that makes you happy can help your mood throughout the whole day. Lastly, practice self care to improve your attitude. Self care can reduce stress and improve your attitude. These practices might include exercise, napping, going to the spa, or anything else that makes you happy and improves your mental/physical well being.

An article published in the Huffington Post in August talks about the importance of attitude for success. One of the points that is made in the article is that attitude is infectious. If you are able to maintain a positive attitude, those around will be positively affected. It also says that people with good attitudes can maximize their performance at work leading to an experience of a higher level of success. Overall, there is proof that a good attitude will positively affect a person’s productivity and success. To achieve this success, we must be mindful of our attitudes and be strategic about maintaining a positive attitude. Going back to the quote that began this post, Chuck Swindoll says we are in charge of our attitudes. This does not necessarily mean that we can choose to have a good attitude, but we can choose to make changes to our lives that will give us a better attitude.

-        Bria

It’s a subtle difference, but one worth noting.  I’ve always been taught that attitude is the way you think and feel about someone or something, and that feeling affects your behavior.  The definition that comes up when I Google it, however, is:  a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.  Settled.  Wow.  That’s final.  Guess we better make sure the chosen attitude is a good one!

Being a teacher, I deal with attitudes daily.  There’s the attitude of those coming to work – faculty and students.  There’s the attitude of parents toward the teachers, and vice versa.  There’s the attitude of students.  As principal, I’m fixing attitudes throughout the day.  My own children have taught me to adopt new attitudes toward numerous facets of life.

I looked up synonyms of attitude, and here’s what I found:  view, viewpoint, outlook, perspective, stance, standpoint, position, inclination, temper, orientation, approach, reaction. The first eleven synonyms all have to do with the way we see something… our unique interpretation of what we see.  The last one, however, deals with the actions we attach to what we see.  The idea that an attitude is settled is mind-boggling to me.  The implication is either that we compromised (settled for) or that we’ve put the issue to bed… gotten comfortable in our easy chair… become set in our ways.  The ways of the world change by the moment.  Who can become settled?

I warn my high school students not to include absolutes in their writing.  “College professors hate absolutes,” I stress (which, ironically, is an absolute statement!).  If an attitude is a settled way of thinking or feeling, is that not the establishment of an absolute in one’s life?

I work with a great group of secondary students.  They accomplish more than I ever even knew was possible when I was their age.  I am constantly amazed at their “can-do” attitudes.  They will be the movers and shakers of the next generation of the work force.  That being said, I never cease to be surprised when I hear one mention the positive attitude he/she “puts on” for school.  I am equally surprised to find out that the positive attitude comes “off” when he/she leaves this environment. 

I have been called an “eternal optimist.”  The truth is that I will always find the way in which God is working in my life… even if things are bad.  I wholeheartedly believe He is in control of my life (an absolute I happily welcome).  If I have developed a wrong attitude, He convicts me to fix it. How can I transfer this confidence to my students without proselytizing?  My only choice is by example.

Our high school honor society uses Charles Swindoll’s poem “Attitude” as our pledge.  It ends with this:

 We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

In the end, it is up to each of us to choose our attitudes.  All I ask is that you don’t just “settle.”

-        Michelle

     Attitude is everything…or so I’ve heard it said.  I certainly agree that one’s attitude flavors events positively or negatively – much like salt flavors food.  The media has played a significant role in shaping the general attitudes of Americans.  In fact, the different decades of offspring now have names describing their attitudes.  During my late teens, we had the flower children; today, we have the “me” generation.

     My church has taught me to see the difference between “joy” and “happiness,” quoting scriptures that teach that joy is lasting in spite of circumstances, while happiness depends upon the current happenings.  I do know that as I age, I find more joy in my life as I spend more time concerned with relationships rather than pursuing things.

    I remember training teachers in workshops and telling them that little children don’t come to school wanting to fail.  Yet, during my career I’ve met many students who seem to be bent on following such a self-destructive path.  Why?  The answer to that question is certainly elusive.  Perhaps it is that they have no self-control. 

    My husband, Jim, who is trained in clinical hypnosis, recently coined a new phrase: “digital hypnosis” to describe the tech experience in which today’s children indulge themselves.  Everything is fast-paced, short-term experiencing- without much transfer into long term memory.  (At least that’s “my” understanding of what Jim means.)

    The human brain can remember seven (plus or minus two) bits of information.  Thus, we group bits of information for easy transfer into long term memory.  For example, we do this to phone numbers, social security numbers, etc.  Technology is on a “J” curve – expanding experiences at exponential rates.  Thus, children say that they’ve experienced many things (by way of technology), but they haven’t really experienced the event with all of their senses. Yes, I am aware of current research which is seeking to provide these sensual experiences along with the audio and visual experience.  Perhaps the number of video excursions available to our children is one reason so many say they are now “bored” and have nothing to do.

    My attitude, as a WWII baby, has been to drag my feet on technology breakthroughs.  I have seventeen-year-old computers which still work fine for me. (I do have a Mac Book, too!)  But I must change my attitude in order to be “relevant” to my students who bring a new world into my first grade classroom.  This fact was driven home last week when I sought to show my students a science video about rocks and minerals.  As the video began, one student spoke out to the others who were in agreement: “Oh, this is computer-generated animation with voice-over in some places.”  As for me, I just wanted to introduce them to the rock cycle in nature!

-        Kay

Boundaries

I guess the first thing I should do is give you my definition of boundaries so that my blog will make sense.  When I speak of boundaries in my life, I am referring to the lines I “try not to cross.”  These are all self-imposed and all relate to better health – physically and mentally – in my opinion.  For instance, with the exception of an occasional school event, I do not work on Friday evenings.  As soon as I am done at school, I walk out without any homework.  My evening will most likely involve a movie, whether at the theater or at home.  I also give myself a break on my Weight Watchers plan.  On Friday evenings, there is no such thing as points.

My parents taught me at a very young age that there is no “land of done.”  Work that is there today will still be there tomorrow.  That sounds like procrastination, but you have to understand that my family members work 80-hour weeks almost every week.  We wear many hats, and there will always be something else that needs doing.  It is for that reason that I made boundaries.  Otherwise, I would be consumed by work. 

The pendulum of education enlightenment is beginning to sway back toward the benefit of giving kids more frequent breaks.  Eagle Mountain Elementary in Fort Worth, Texas, recently made the news because they have begun offering four fifteen-minute recesses a day with their kindergarten and first graders.  Yay!  I once taught in a school in Texas in which no one but PK and K got even one recess under the guise that there was too much to teach to offer breaks. What?! I am happy to report that the kids at Lawton Academy have received three recesses a day in elementary and two in secondary since our inception sixteen years ago.  We see the value of instructing kids in social settings… especially gifted kids who don’t always see the benefit to being nice and playing fair.

I see changes happening in business as well.  The Internet is full of stories of four-day work weeks actually raising productivity.  I think these companies have set some really good boundaries for their employees, and consequently they have happier employees. 

So, how do we transfer this practice into working with or parenting gifted kids?

For the gifted person, boundaries must be chosen, not dictated.  When potential students tour my school, I point out all the fun things we do that are documented with pictures in one hall in the school.  I don’t want them leaving thinking only that the school is hard.  “We work hard, yes.  But we play hard, too!”  Then I quickly point out that the “playing hard” is only available to those who “work hard.” 

It’s important to note that gifted folk are kings and queens of procrastination… for no other reason than that we can be successful when just winging it most of the time.  Letting gifted kids set boundaries for themselves is a dangerous proposal.  Some set the bar way too low so they don’t have to give much effort.  Others, burdened with perfectionism or just such a competitive nature that they must be the best in everything, make the bar unreachable.  The trick is to set a range from within which the gifted child may set his/her boundaries.  For instance, acknowledge the need for a break after school and let your child choose during which hour-and-a-half that evening, he/she will do homework.  Have consequences ready for failure to stick to that plan. If the child knows the consequences beforehand, and she feels she will not be able to meet the boundary parameters, she can renegotiate.  If, instead, she simply fails to honor the agreement, she has chosen the consequences and has no one to blame but herself. 

Allowing a child to experience this kind of decision-making process under your guidance can create an adult who knows how to budget time and benefit from taking those much-needed breaks. 

-        Michelle

          Boundaries…to some it’s a four letter word.  To most people, it has negative connotations.  Yet, if we really think about it in depth, we realize boundaries are necessary to an orderly life.  I like the set of T-shirts that I’ve seen which explain it this way: “I’m the oldest – I make the rules; I’m the middle – I’m the reason we had rules; I’m the youngest – the rules don’t apply to me; and I’m the only child – what are rules?”

            It seems in today’s educational world that researchers are discovering that we often take rules or boundaries to the extreme level.  I cannot, for the life of me, figure out who decided that one recess period per school day was all children needed, or that secondary students needed no recess time at all.  The same teachers who enforce those rules also gripe if they don’t get planning time or a break in their day.

            We still allow three recess periods for elementary children, and breaks for all secondary students.  I love watching the secondary students walk around our school circular drive (one-sixth of a mile) talking with their friends.  I learn a lot about application of concepts taught in class as I watch the elementary children play.  When I started Lawton Academy, I brought the car-shaped frame of my grandson’s outgrown bed to the school.  Over these seventeen years, I’ve watched it serve as a plane, a race track, a stagecoach, and a dangerous canyon, the rim of which children walked with great care.

            Now, I see that researchers are recommending activity before the school day begins.  It seems it helps students focus better in class.  That’s an observation I made long ago.  We call it flooding the brain with blood…ready to take on the day!  I also hated watching students at neighboring schools have to sit quietly in the gym and wait for the morning bell to ring.  Some schools even forbade children from arriving on the grounds earlier than 10 minutes before the bell.  All this may seem trivial to others, but I remember reading the writings of an abused child who said, “I wanted to get to school early.  It was the only place I felt safe.” 

            Yes, I get frustrated with parents who set no boundaries for their children - especially in Wal-Mart! But, let’s not be reactionary in the field of education by setting too many boundaries.  A few, sensible rules necessary for safety, are all that should be needed.  The more rules one has, the more time is spent enforcing and making judgments as to their severity.

            One other aspect of this boundary concept comes to my mind.  We must set some boundaries for ourselves in order to find time for refreshing our spirit.  If I try to fix every little problem when it comes my way, I will not have time to fix the truly urgent matters.  Or, I will be too tired to try to fix them.  There is a reason God said for us to work six days and rest on the seventh.  Although I have not been able to always set aside a complete day for rest, I am getting better at giving myself some rest time before the new week of school begins.  I think I am much better for it.    

                                             - Kay

To say that I am overcommitted would be an understatement. I come from a long line of people that take on way more than a normal workload. Right now I work full time, I am taking more classes than a full time graduate student, I volunteer, I'm in a relationship, I'm raising a puppy, I'm in a 12-week training course with that puppy, and I’m trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. This has been a huge challenge for me, and the only thing keeping me sane is my google calendar that is synced with my to do list.

I've never been good at setting boundaries. I'm a “yes man,” never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings or step on anyone’s toes. This is a huge problem that I am dealing with, but I'm not alone. Many adults find it challenging to say the word that comes so easily to toddlers. When you think of young children, the most prominent word in their vocabulary is “no.” What happens between childhood and adulthood that makes that word a dirty word? Most of the time if I absolutely have to say no to someone, instead of saying no, I come up with a ridiculous excuse.

I recently read a study that said that people can thank Millennials for their loss of vacation time. There is an increasing pressure to perform at a higher standard and this pressure is making people over commit, giving up their vacation time to appear driven. No one wins in this situation. There is a popular commercial for Twix running right now that showcases the left Twix and right Twix competition. In the ad, left Twix’s factory workers are working late into the night because they see that the factory workers at right Twix’s factory are still working. Eventually we find out that the right Twix workers are doing the same thing and they are stuck in a cycle of trying to outwork the other factory.

This behavior is unhealthy, but it is becoming the new normal. People feel like they need to work 70 hour work weeks to stay ahead. Vacations are necessary and it is important to take breaks. Last year, more than 55% of Americans did not take all of their available vacation days. The problem with this is that Americans already receive less vacation time than other countries, so Americans are working way more than necessary. I don’t want my life to look like this. I want to be successful without having to work my life away, but unfortunately that doesn’t seem like an option. Boundaries between work life and personal life have blurred, and people now take their work life home with them. Americans need to reevaluate their relationship with breaks. Once we change our attitude towards taking breaks and setting boundaries, we can begin to become less stressed as a nation.

-          Bria

Legacy

Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451, described the idea of legacy by saying,

Everyone must leave behind something when he dies, my grandfather said.      A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes     made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.

I think the way Ray Bradbury discussed the topic of legacy is so profound and beautiful. But it is also flawed. This definition suggests that, to leave a legacy, one must create a tangible difference to which people can look to see that person’s spirit after he is gone. While creation can be one form of legacy, I believe the concept of legacy goes beyond what can be seen to include values and principles passed down from generation to generation.

In today’s world I believe there is a lot of pressure to do something that will make you memorable. Everyone is looking for the change he can make that will cause future generations to remember his name. A lot of the times people believe that there has to be a physical thing that people can view or touch or experience, when legacies could also be conceptual. These legacies could be more concrete like a theory or law, or more abstract like a feeling or a set of values.

Last week, we lost my great-grandmother. This was the second great-grandmother that I was able to know well during my lifetime. Both women left a legacy behind that continues to influence the way in which I conduct myself. This is what I want for my life. While I would love to leave behind a tangible representation of my existence, it is more important to me to leave a legacy of love and kindness. I want people to be inspired by my life and to continue my legacy of giving back to the nonprofit community and trying to better the world. I want people to think that I was a good person. Because, as we know, legacies are not always a positive thing. If I can do my part to leave this world at least slightly better than I found it, I will think that my life was very successful.

So what steps can I take to ensure a legacy of good deeds and love for all mankind? Well, first I need to make sure that that is how I am living my life currently.  A legacy does not come from the way in which you conduct yourself in your final moments; it is built of a lifetime. I also must make sure that I am spreading this message to those with whom I come in contact because I will not be here after I die to share my legacy. Lastly, I must continuously learn and grow in the area in which I work. Working with nonprofits, you either remain continuously inspired by the good work around you, or you become numb to the hardships that still exist in this world. Every day I have to make a choice to choose hope and to believe that things can be better. All of this will help me establish the kind of legacy I want to leave behind.

-        Bria

    Legacy...will it matter that I have lived?  What an awesome question.  My mother passed away last week at 98 years of age.  According to the funeral sermon, she left a legacy of always calling people’s attention to religion.  She did so by introducing herself to everyone: “Hello.  I am Frances Owens and I am a Baptist!”  No matter how one received it, the statement did cause a person to wonder why that was so important to mention.

    We laughed at the memories shared by family about “Frannie” over the years.  It caused me to realize how I am a product of the times in which I have lived.  My legacy for others will be a  product of the times through which I lived.  Let me give you some examples.

    I was born in the 40’s and learned how to live with food and gas rationing for the war effort.  To this day, I hate to waste anything.  I will fix and repair rather than throw away.  I fume inside when salesmen tell me to “just throw away your year old camera because it costs more to fix than replace.”  My students and I use pencils and crayons to the bitter last inch hoping to save trees if nothing else!

    From the 50s I learned about the comfort of home and the safe viewing of Howdy Doody and friends.  To this day I teach students the seasons of the year as per Princess Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring, the daughter of Chief Thunder Thud  of the show.

    The 60s brought me into the reality of war, peace demonstrations, and the Jesus movement.  It was the Jesus movement that led me to working with young people in a life-changing way.  It was the space race that taught me to emphasize a love for science and exploration with my students.

    The 70s and 80s taught me to develop a good sense of style and taste...and to “not be the first to adopt a fad, nor the last to give it up!”  I learned that governments are not perfect, but are the products of the morals of the people holding the offices.  Thus, I teach students to watch, listen, and learn from the world events around them.  I teach them to measure things according to a reliable standard...and to not just be reactionary to that which displeases them.

    The 90s brought the pain of war into my life again.  I watched my son-in-law say goodbye to his wife and baby son the night he boarded a plane for the Gulf war. I was in disbelief as I heard the news of the invasion of Kuwait by Iraq...and now I was watching my son-in-law go into battle for the people of Kuwait.  Today, I am teaching four young students from Kuwait whose parents are here in training.

We were in a state of shock from the attack on the Twin Towers; a sight I watched on live TV with my young students asking me “Why is this happening?”  My school days began from  that moment on with prayer for our country and our young soldiers.  

Now, in 2016, I am faced with division in our country...politically, ethically, economically, and religiously. I am still teaching students every day.  Now, I ask myself before each day of class, “Will it matter that Kay F. Johnson lived?  I certainly hope so!!

·        Kay

In a span of eight days, my oldest child got married and the last of the fourth generation of my family passed away.  At the funeral as I learned new details of my 98-year-old grandmother’s life  (like the fact that she was a drill press operator for much of her adult life), I couldn’t help but think of how her life influenced mine.  What she accomplished lives on because it influenced her progeny – a group to which I happily belong!

     Examining her legacy, I am forced to examine the legacy I am leaving my children.  I do odd things for the sake of memory.  For instance, I have worn Obsession perfume all of my adult life.  Why?  Because I read a book once in which the protagonist would go into the local five-and-dime to smell one of the detergents that reminded her of the way her deceased mother always had smelled.  I decided then and there that there would be one fragrance that would remind my children of me should I die.  But memories are not legacy.  Legacy is technically money or property that is passed on when I die.  Sorry, kids.  My legacy there probably will only be debt! 

     For those who wax poetic, though, legacy has come to mean the “ground” we gain during our life time… the possibilities we make happen that make future possibilities an option for our kids.  So, what is my legacy for my kids?  Well, I would definitely have to say it is education. 

     I have taught only one person to read, and that was my daughter while homeschooling.  Coolest process ever!  I was homeschooling because my son needed an option to a standardized test-heavy schooling.  Later, both kids were able to go to the school my family owns, and both very heavily influenced how I developed the secondary program.  Because I took risks, neither was forced to choose one area of concentration for electives, but instead could explore all.  Justin’s art, music, and technology interests definitely led to choosing The School of the Art Institute in Chicago for college and eventually to his job as a maker.  Bria’s time spent as CEO of the robotics team and specifically being a member of the marketing team led directly to her choice of majoring in public relations. 

    I think we have to stop and consider what we’re leaving for our children.  Will your kids see that you opened doors for them, or have you been a major roadblock?  I hope my kids see possibility.

   My son and my new daughter-in-law return from their honeymoon today.  I am so excited to watch the blending of two families' legacies in this one couple.  The doors are open, Kids.  Happy legacy building!

-        Michelle

Launching

“Launching” is a pretty broad topic!  It immediately sets my mind to remembering many experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant.  Probably the most pertinent ones to this blog would be the student beginning their first year of school.  I especially recall one who insisted on crying and crawling under a classroom table until his mother, who was watching in horror from the hallway, burst into the room to rescue him.  This little scene played out again and again each day until I convinced the mother to just leave and trust us to do best by the child.  He survived!

Most often, these same children, who act a complete tragedy scene before school each day, begin laughing and joining their friends as soon as the parent is out of sight.  I’ve watched this scene repeated every year of my long career.  Those of us who have been around for many years recognize this as just part of the first “launch,” and not truly “separation anxiety” every time.  By labeling it as if it is abnormal, parents who “rescue” are actually causing their kids to have no reason to launch.  I especially see this scene with older parents.  It would be interesting to see a study done on differences in parenting styles based upon the age of the parents.

Conversely, a real tragedy I see today is the “launching” of students who are not prepared for life.  I know of a young man suffering with autism who was recently thrown out of his home because he turned 17, even though he hadn’t completed school yet.  He was living in a field near our church.  Thank goodness our youth minister came to his aide.

My life experiences have been greatly affected because I dared to believe that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” as stated in the Bible.  There are many promises therein that have guided me and led me to a life of success.  One of these promises is “Trust God and lean not unto your own understanding, and He will crown your every effort with success.”  Some people may not consider this possible.  I’ll just share a few examples with you as proof.

I had no finances for college… until the day before I was to enter.  Suddenly funds were provided by a relative who never gave a cent to anyone.  I began a teaching career without one course in education.  (I took courses at night while I taught during the days.)  I became an administrator (principal and superintendent) long before the certifications came.  I was elected state president of the Oklahoma Association for Gifted, Creative and Talented the very year I joined the association!  That presidency allowed me to work with the legislature in getting our law providing GT education passed.  And finally, I was able to establish a private GT school without any government help or funding eighteen years ago, and now daily I get to address the unique needs of gifted children.  My most fun proof, however:  I successfully coached a city champs basketball team of girls two years running, winning coach of the year one of those, without ever having played a game of basketball in my life. I always tell kids that you can do anything if you can read!

Yes, I was launching in many directions.  My father was always on the road as a truck driver, and my mother pretty much let me “fix” things in his place.  Maybe that was one reason I was willing to take so many risks in my life.  “With God, all things are possible.”  I guess my point is that kids will launch, one way or another.  Parents can help make that launch smooth or fight it tooth-and-nail, but kids will launch… eventually.

-        Kay

I often feel like I’m on an “opposing team” when it comes to parents of high schoolers.  All the while they are desperately clinging to their soon-to-be-adult teen, I am pushing the teen out of the nest!   We’ve had nine senior classes at Lawton Academy, and I have made a study of what causes students to successfully “launch” into adult life and what keeps them from launching.

The first factor for success seems to be the presence of a goal.  When I gain a student whose parents brought him to our school to better his chances of reaching that goal, I know success is ahead.  I am very cautious when parents include “protection from the influences in public education” or “more structured environment” as reasons to send their kids here.  Not always, but often those parents are more interested in control than opportunity.

The trick to goal-setting leading to successful launching lies in who’s doing the goal-setting.  If a parent makes available a wide range of opportunities, discusses strengths and the job possibilities for those strengths, and gives the teen a vision of the future (say by visiting college campuses while on a family vacation, for instance), he is going to create a goal-oriented teen.

A second equally-important factor is empowerment.  If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard, “It’s just easier to do it myself.” Who said parenting was supposed to be easy?!  An empowered teen can do his own laundry, order online, and maintain a checking account.  Doing these things while still under parental supervision allows correction while the teen will still listen.  The parent who does everything for the teen, to include constantly rescuing, is crippling the teen and, often, insuring that he will never leave the nest (which, I’m sad to say, has at times actually been the parental goal).

It is the parents’ responsibility to teach their teen how to budget, how to maintain service on a car, how to deal with the financial aid office at his college, how to balance an internship with classes and social clubs.  We may have to listen to some spirited “venting” as they learn the ropes of bureaucracy, but they will have learned them nonetheless.

The next factor I see in successful launchers is confidence.  In a world of teens who feel entitled, I am amazed at how many feel like they don’t have much to offer the world.  I think I’ve narrowed much of the blame to the Internet.  I think they look at teens on the Internet who are doing phenomenal acts at a pre-college age, and they can’t see how they can compete with that.  I have to constantly remind students that these are a handful of teens out of millions.  There’s plenty of room for more phenomenal teens! 

Confidence comes at an early age.  The confident child has a parent who is her champion… her advocate.  Yes, teens make boneheaded moves sometimes, but nothing destroys confidence like the feeling that the teen is always wrong.  Ironically, that teen will launch; she’ll just never come back home once she’s “escaped.”

The final factor necessary for a successful launch is purpose… a reason why.  I make it a point to tell students why they’re doing a particular lesson.  I wanted to know why when I was a teen.  I quit reading books for my own pleasure in eighth grade.  It was my form of protest because my teachers were making me read books for their classes.  I was going to “show them,” and I, in fact, did not pick up another book to read for pleasure until my second year of teaching!  The joke was on me, as God made me a literature teacher!  Do I require that kids read books?  You bet!  But I tell them why.  I tell them of increased vocabulary and expanding experiences and such.  When kids see that the end goal is in their best interest, they tend to work to achieve it. 

Beyond purpose of tasks, an overall purpose for existence is required.  Students of faith tend to launch more successfully.  Those students have a source of strength, of wisdom, of comfort, of protection, and of direction beyond their parents.  For instance, as a Christian, I know that God is directing my life and from Jeremiah 29:11, I know that He has a plan for me, a plan to prosper and not to harm me, but to give me a hope.  I literally cannot get discouraged because I believe that wherever I am, I am right where He wants me!

At 50, I find myself on the other side of “empty nest syndrome.”  I can tell you that I struggled for a little bit.  It’s amazing how much time you have on your hands when you’re not constantly attentive to your kids’ needs!  It didn’t take long, though, to embrace my new role with my adult children.  How exciting it has been to watch them gain employment, rent new apartments, embrace charitable opportunities, and find love.  We’ve begun the next chapter, and it’s just as much fun as the previous one!

-        Michelle

Go with me on a journey back to the year 2006. It was a simpler time: Hannah Montana had just premiered on Disney Channel, Pluto lost its planetary status, and skinny jeans were the newest trend. That same year Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker co-starred in a movie that’s title would later inspire the name of a syndrome plaguing America’s young adults. The movie was called Failure to Launch, and it featured a 30-something McConaughey still living at home with his parents. Eventually, his parents hire Sarah Jessica Parker to help get their son to move out.

The tagline of this movie was, “To leave the nest, some men just need a little push.” At the time, this romantic comedy shook up the character troupe of the creepy adult son living in his parent’s basement by having the son be seemingly normal and desirable.  The reason this movie was funny was because the idea was so abnormal. Now, a decade later, young adults are taking a page out of McConaughey’s book and living with their parents long after they reach adulthood.

According to a study from May of this year, for the first time in 130 years, more young adults (18-34) are living with their parents than with a partner. 32% of Americans between the ages 18-34 are still living at home with their parents. The study also found that men are more likely to be living at home than women. So basically, it seems that boys in this country went to see this movie with their parents in 2006, and when they grew up, they decided that McConaughey had the right idea.

All of this has resulted in articles in the Huffington Post entitled, “Failure to Launch Syndrome: What You Need to Know to Help Your Dependent Adult Child.” Articles like this talk about how to make the transition easier for your child, but really it just sounds like a lot of enabling to me. I never had the idea that it was an option for me to live at home forever. If your child thinks he can live at home into his 30’s, it’s because you allowed this to be an option. Yes, that sounds harsh, but someone has to take the blame for this problem. There isn’t an increased desire to live at home; there is an increase in parents allowing this type of behavior. If children have had a comfortable life at home, why would they ever want to move out?

Being independent is hard and uncomfortable and sometimes you have to decide if it is more important to buy bread or soap. Who would choose that life if they could stay at home and have everything paid for? There has to come a time when the parent pushes the child out of the nest. For some, this transition comes when the child leaves for college. But now students are living at home to save money, which is fine. For some people that makes the most sense. The problem occurs when parents don’t draw the line with their children. At some point the parents have to say enough is enough and stop crippling their children. Yes, it will be hard on the child initially to move out, but the longer it is delayed, the harder time the child will have adjusting to adult life. Parents think that they are helping their child by allowing him to live with them, but the best thing they can do for their child is to force him to start his independent life.

-        Bria