Depression

        It’s the third grading quarter, and like clockwork, I will see grades dip and student stress rise.  Students will get in trouble and become sad and overwhelmed. Inevitably, the subject of depression will come up.

        Depression is a common mood disorder that causes severe symptoms, affecting how one feels, thinks, and handles daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. It is serious. To be actually diagnosed with depression, one must display symptoms for at least two weeks.  While I have seen student sadness increase after Christmas break, more often it’s due to the loss of privileges after poor performance than it is actual depression.

     Some students do experience depression, though, and it is incredibly disturbing.  The most obvious sign is increased sleeping.  I’m not talking about a nap or two extra; I’m talking “coming-home-from-school-and-going-to-sleep-until-the-next-day” sleeping… repeatedly… day after day.  If you see this, get your child help immediately.  

     Slightly less worrisome but still very serious is seasonal depression. Seasonal depression has been described as a lingering melancholy, and it can disrupt a student’s normal behavior.  There are some home remedies, like special light therapy boxes that produce pseudo – sun, that can help with some seasonal depression symptoms, but it is best to talk with a doctor.

     There is a difference, however, in being sad and being depressed.  I’m not sure when the idea that kids were not ever supposed to be sad became popular.  From the moment we leave the little toddlers at home while we go to work, we can expect that there will be some sadness!  I’m with the philosophers who hold that we cannot know happy unless we know sad.  I even fondly think back to watching old movies after high school days so that I could get a good cry out and enjoy the rest of my evening!  Your teen needs to know that it’s okay to be sad.  Everyone has days when we miss someone or we’re disappointed with our performance or someone has hurt our feelings.  We come to a clearer understanding of ourselves on the other side of these circumstances.

      If your child or teen is experiencing prolonged sadness accompanied by physical changes, don’t wait.  Untreated depression can lead to low self-worth and possibly even a hopelessness that could lead to suicide.  There is help; you just have to be aware of the signs.  

-       Michelle

This is a topic that I have dreaded because it is way too close to home. The reason I am willing to talk about this is because I know that I am not the only one dealing with this issue, and I want to be able to offer up my coping mechanisms in the hopes that it may help someone else.

Symptoms:

• Trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Fatigue
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and helplessness
• Pessimism and hopelessness
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or sleeping too much
• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Loss of interest in things once pleasurable
• Overeating, or appetite loss
• Aches, pains, headaches, or cramps that won't go away
• Digestive problems that don't get better, even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts (webmd.com)

If you haven’t figured it out by now, this week we are talking about depression. We’ve all heard the facts about how widespread depression has become, specifically in America. I’m also willing to bet that, knowing or unbeknownst to you, each person reading this either has/had depression or is close to someone who has. Depression is experienced for a variety of reasons at varying levels of severity. What scares me about depression is that it’s unpredictable. I can be having the best week of my life and still feel an empty sort of helplessness about my own existence.

I have been dealing with my depression for several years now. Specifically, I suffer from seasonal affect disorder. Because I have chosen to live in a place where six months out of the year are cold and dark, I have affects (before, after and during) of depression affecting me for the majority of the year. This can leave me feeling an overwhelming sense of dread that is almost impossible to shake. Short of quitting my job and staying in bed all day, I have had to find many ways of coping with these feelings.

My most important piece of advice for dealing with depression is to learn to separate yourself from the illness. It is incredibly easy to spiral during instances of extreme depression. The emotions can overtake a person and leave him feeling terrible about himself. Being able to consciously acknowledge that you might feel terrible and damaged but you aren’t actually terrible and damaged is a really important skill to learn. If you can see that you are feeling the way that you are because of a chemical imbalance in your brain and not because you are inherently bad or a failure, it makes it a little easier to keep moving forward.

Beyond that, you need to identify things that make you feel happy, productive and positive, and pursue those things. This might be physical activity, a hobby, or even a pet. Surrounding yourself with things that make you truly happy will not solve your depression, but it will serve as reminders and evidence of good things in your life.

    Lastly, don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Sharing your feelings with a friend or loved one is great, but if you are able to see a therapist for help, you might see a lot more progress. Whoever that person is, it is so important to tell other people about what you are experiencing. During episodes of severe depression, this person can keep you grounded in reality and prevent you from spiraling thoughts that could lead to negative actions. Whether it be a physical human or an online chat/support group, you need someone else to share these experiences with you.

    If you or a loved one are dealing with depression, please take it seriously. Don’t write your teenager off as “angsty” before considering the adverse effects of untreated depression. This is an illness that affects more people than you would think. Ask you children and loved ones if they are experiencing depression and support them if they believe that they are.

    For those of you that are facing depression, please know that you are loved. You are a valuable member of society and your life matters. I urge you to seek help and identify coping mechanisms to deal with your depression in a healthy way. I know there are days that it feels absolutely impossible to get out of bed, but please keep waking up each morning and moving forward. The world would be less bright without you in it. You are valued and important and capable of achieving greatness. If you are feeling helpless, please reach out for help. Here is a list of resources that can and will help in these moments. Be safe, stay strong. You are not alone.

National Alliance on Mental Illness 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6264)

Anxiety and Depression Association of America 1-240-485-1001

National Suicide Prevention Hotline  1-800-273-82557

Depression appears to be running rampant in our society today…regardless of age.  I personally feel that many people are incorrectly labeling “boredom” as depression.  I remember my husband speaking of depression as diagnosable if the same symptoms occur every day for a minimum of at least two weeks straight.  That is when action should be taken.

            In my graduate studies, I learned that the greater the population gets and the larger the city grows, etc., the more people feel isolated and alone.  You would think the opposite is true.     

I know I prefer city surroundings as opposed to being a hermit in the wilderness.  Yet, I remember that my family didn’t know the names of all the neighbors on our street where I spent my life until I was eighteen years old.  I rode the same public bus to school every day with many of the same people, but we never spoke or risked getting acquainted.  It just wasn’t normal to talk to strangers.

            Perhaps the reason so many feel alone today and thus have feelings of depression is that, not only can they not relate with strangers on the street, but they may also feel isolated from their own families.  I, at least, had family members with which to talk, play, argue, and interact with in my home.  As I look at many families today, I see the members of the family each engaged with someone or something on their cell phones, etc.  They are just coexisting with the people around them.

            Family conversations and interactions are the “nurture” part of the old question: “Is a person shaped by nature or nurture?”  Although such interactions may only be a few minutes at a time, they are the vehicle for passing along core values, beliefs, dreams and aspirations among family members.  Through these moments of sharing, children learn they are worthy individuals. 

            The gifted children I teach have learned long ago that “I’m bored!” usually gets parents to move.  However, smart parents counter with “We are not here to entertain you.  Use your imagination and find something to do!”    It helps if parents have made provision for some hands-on games or puzzles or projects around the house.  I don’t think you’ll hear “I’m bored” if they are given tasks to do whenever that phrase appears on their lips.  It doesn’t take rocket science to quickly figure out that being bored is the opening for a parent to task the child.  Eventually, the word will not enter the child’s mind!

- Kay                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Uniformity

      This last Thursday evening, the school phones, my email, and my texts blew up with well-meaning alerts that the city school district was to close its doors on Friday due to the high number of flu cases. Very quickly three smaller districts joined the club. The reason given was that they were going to disinfect the buildings. I'm pretty sure the reason had more to do with money lost due to absences. The first day back, anyway, kids in every classroom will cough, sneeze, and touch enough to require disinfection again.  We gave parents permission to keep their children home with an excused absence.

    So little of our school submits to uniformity. We go to great lengths to keep the government’s hands out of our procedures. It’s threatening to some who find comfort in “the way things are supposed to be.” As we look at ways to keep this school going beyond our family’s involvement, I cringe a little at the thought of making some procedures uniform.  It’s absolutely necessary, though, if we want the school to continue the way it is.

   As I write that, it strikes me as funny. No two years at Lawton Academy are completely the same! We are always changing and evolving our program. Can evolution be uniform?

   Gifted kids tend to dislike uniformity. That’s why you have such a hard time getting a truly gifted kid to take lessons. He/She wants to dabble on his/her own, not be made to practice thirty minutes a day and perform in public. This fact has frustrated many a parent. Here’s the trick. You encourage your child’s interest, but you make the condition that he/she MUST compete if you are going to invest all that money and time. If they fail the first time, do not let them quit. Tell them you will get them lessons so they can do better at the next competition. Your gifted child will use those lessons to conquer the next time. Be warned, though: once conquering, they are likely to quit and move on to something else. The lesson learned is so much more important than the skill. Remember that your gifted kid is a jack-of-all-trades and master of none. The goal is being good at a variety of things. This meets that goal.

    Oh, and one last note on uniformity:  I have never met a gifted kid who approves of a school uniform.  Me neither, Kids!  I support your right to be unique!

                                                            Michelle

In regards to uniformity, I feel like the opinion of popular culture is constantly changing. For so long we told everyone that there is one way to be beautiful or successful or cool, but now we as a society are embracing what makes an individual different. But what if you aren’t different? What if you don’t have any identifier that is uniquely yours? Are you still special?

I feel like so many people spend their lives trying to find what makes them unique or different. It seems like some people are just born with these characteristics. Maybe it’s a really interesting hobby or unique hair type or a strong identification with a specific culture or religion. Some people just have that one thing that defines their personality and identifies them as  unique people.

Then there are people like me: white bread, middle class, vaguely European with no one heritage large enough to claim. I’m just a young woman living in a city with a dog, working in the field of communications. It doesn’t get any more white bread than that. For a long time I struggled with the fact that I wasn’t as unique as some of my other friends. This desire pushed me to try out a lot of different styles and personalities.

For a while I just decided to be weird. When other girls were shopping at Abercrombie, I was shopping at Hot Topic. I liked Batman and the Joker and Broadway musicals. I got really into drama and robotics and I wanted to be an individual...until I got too weird and then all I wanted was Taylor Swift and American Eagle jeans. I want to be edgy, weird and a little dangerous. But I also wanted to be prim, proper and traditionally beautiful.

College is a time where exploration of one’s identity is encouraged. But upon entering the workforce, even in an open work environment like mine, there are certain expectations of uniformity that are imposed upon everyone. Beyond that, social media perpetuates certain ideals, standards and rituals that encourage us all to strive for one uniform way of life.

For young people, the concept of uniformity is challenging because there are some voices that are telling them that they need to be like everyone else to fit in, while other voices tell them they need to be unique and stand out. This will always be a difficult path to navigate, but the one thing to remember is that most importantly you need to be the version of yourself that makes you happy. If you are happy being unique and standing out that’s great, but it’s also great if you like doing things that others do as well. At the end of the day the most important thing is your own happiness.

                                                      - Bria

Uniformity is often seen as a negative thing in our society, especially in the views of teenagers.  Most young people flee from uniformity as if it were a plague; however, in their rush to escape, those same teens find themselves in a new uniformity with other teens like them.  It seems there is no escape.

                I don’t see it as such a negative thing.  If it weren’t for Whitney making parts interchangeable by making them uniform in size, shape, etc., we would still be assembling machines one machine at a time.  And thank goodness for Henry Ford’s assembly line which greatly cut the amount of time assembling a machine.

                Our problems seem to stem from bureaucratic laws demanding uniformity in all states when a new law is passed.  My husband always says, “Common sense is not issued with the new bureaucratic regulations.”  Uniformity without common sense may be one of our biggest problems in the world today.

                I saw the problems of teaching all students in a uniform pattern early in my career.  It just isn’t possible.  I always liked the illustration one of my professors gave to us.  “In science class you mix yellow paint with blue paint at the front of the classroom where everyone can see it.  True or false…the students will all see green paint.”  The answer is false because Johnny may have been staring out the window, Julie was looking for her pencil, and Fred was asleep.  Every situation in life, every experience a person has is tainted with trappings.  Past experiences, emotions, beliefs, etc. color one’s experience of the moment.  A good teacher finds ways to reach each student’s learning needs; often through trial and error.  But a good teacher always tries.

                I expect uniformity in handwriting from my first grade students.  I don’t fail them if their letters aren’t exactly the way I make them, or the way the book makes them.  I do, however, expect the child to develop a uniform handwriting script which can be read by others.  What purpose would there be to record our thoughts if no one else could read what we have recorded?  If I expect consistency and uniformity in their writing in first grade, the teacher of higher grades will not have to repeat the process.  Motor memory will kick into play.  The same can be said about memorizing the addition and multiplication facts.  If a child really learns them when h/she is young, they will remain for life.

                There do come times when it is necessary for someone to “step out of the box” or to be a “challenger” to uniformity which is harmful or stagnating.  Almost all innovations come with an uneasy feeling about letting go of “how things are.”  The people who take on this challenge are the true pioneers of our history.  Oh yes, there are many people who just challenge and choose not to conform with the norm.  However, the true pioneers usually have a better plan ready.  Gifted children will cry and challenge every chance they are given to do it “my way.”  However, asking them for their replacement plan may cause them to stop and ponder the situation before jumping in with both feet.  

                I also like what the Exploravision science competition requires of students.  They must state the positive and the negative effects their innovation could bring.  It does give one reason to pause and consider.     

-          Kay

Fault

I have always been someone who has a heightened sense of justice. This causes me to take fault very seriously when something goes wrong. I know I am not the only one who deals with this. It might be all of the “law and order-esque” crime shows or growing up learning to follow the rules and do what is right. Above all, I think I believe so strongly in understanding fault because nowadays so few people do.

We are a culture that tells our young people that nothing is their fault. We over-diagnose and pass the blame and don’t make our kids and young adults own up to their problems. We tell our kids that it’s not their fault that no one wants to play with them, when the real problem is the child is mean and doesn’t share his toys. We tell our youth that it’s not their fault when they don’t win trophies, when we know they didn’t practice nearly as hard as their competition. We tell our young adults that it’s not their fault they don’t have a job, when we know they could have done a lot more while they were school to network and break into their industry. All of these excuses give our young people a complex that makes them believe nothing is their fault.

The problem with this occurrence is that employers are not going to be equally excusing of these people’s problems. After being told that nothing is their fault, the first time these young people get called out on an issue they will not know how to handle the situation in a mature manner. This can lead to lying or shifting the blame, which will not impress an employer.

It’s important to teach your children how to accept blame when it is legitimate, and deal with issues maturely. Nothing is worse than an adult that refuses to work on their own issues or even own up to them. Having this skill will help your children become a better person. By acknowledging their faults, they can begin to work out the issues they have in their lives in a safe environment with the support of their families. Teach your children that bad choices don’t make them a bad person, but they will be held accountable for the choices.

-       Bria

Fault is a word that makes its way into our home conversations almost weekly.  Let me explain why.  My husband had a private mental health practice for over thirty years after having been a child welfare worker for the state for many years.  When good therapy is done with clients, sooner or later during the client/therapist relationship, blame is placed upon the therapist.  It is natural for people to want to place blame on someone else before actually conceding self-blame.  One evening long ago, I was in an adjacent office to where my husband was meeting late with a couple.  The loud outburst of anger thrust upon my husband gave me chills.  After the appointment, I asked Jim how he was able to stand the barrage of angry words.  “Oh, that was nothing,” he calmly answered.  “In fact, that was a very good and successful therapy session!”

            I do not know how my husband withstood such ordeals for over thirty years.  I admire him very much.  We are constantly approached by former clients who want to thank him for how he helped them in the past.  That’s the good side.  Now, on the bad side of this situation: I have to choose my words carefully when we have a discussion because he always counters with, “I knew it was going to be my fault!”  Now honestly, I had no such thoughts.  Blame or fault finding was not the purpose or intent of my words.  Yet, his response is often the same.  So, we joke now: “This WAS his fault…he stopped breathing and died!” are words I will have engraved upon his tombstone!

            I try to help students see that being honest is very important…especially when they are caught in the wrong.  Instead of owning the situation, the first words out of a guilty child’s mouth is either, “He did it too,” or “It was his fault.”  It seems to be nearly impossible to accept blame and admit fault.  The classic example would be God’s confrontation of Adam for eating the forbidden fruit.  What did Adam answer?  “It was the woman you gave to me who gave it to me to eat.”  And Eve, of course, said, “It was the serpent who deceived me!”  There is the first case of playing the blame game.

            What I want to help students see is that I really don’t care that much about who is at fault in a situation.  I care about only two things: realize that a situation which causes a break in our right relationship has occurred; and, it is very important that truth is told so future trust may be maintained.  My own children grew up with that old adage used by parents over time, “It takes two to make a quarrel.  So, you are both guilty!”

            Today, I am bewildered as are most Americans, with the fault-finding and blame game being carried out by our Congress which has resulted in the shutdown of our government.  Our military families at Ft. Sill and those connected with government jobs are caught in chaos.  Duty assignments are being left hanging in mid-air since no one can make a decision while the government is shutdown.  I ask what kind of example is this for adults and leadership to set for our children?  Shame on them all!

            On another level, as a rock and mineral collector and science teacher, the word “fault” brings to my mind the cracks in the earth’s surface which can be the source of earthquakes.  Since Oklahoma now leads the nation in the number of recorded earthquakes due to fracking, I am acutely aware of this word “fault.”  I have seen the devastation left after a quake.  It is not a pretty sight.  Often, lives are ruined.  Now, if we could just remember this picture of an actual earthquake, maybe we could make a juxtaposition and remind ourselves that trying to place fault or blame can be hazardous to our mental health.  It would be helpful for us all to try to work together to fix a problem rather than spend wasted time trying to fix blame.  With that last thought, I am reminded that God allowed Jesus to suffer on the cross in my place to forgive my wrongs.  He did not need to try to call out my “fault.”  Just seeing the perfect life given in love for me causes my own heart to condemn me enough.   

-       Kay

My daughter convinced me that I would love the show “This is Us,” so I binge-watched the first two seasons over a week of evenings. And she was right: I love it. I think the thing I most appreciate is the fact that fault is not easily assigned. The show follows triplets and their parents, showing the adult kids now alongside incidents from their childhood that influenced that behavior. I like that blame is not placed squarely on the shoulders of the parents.

      The kids of that show did not grow up in a tech-heavy society like our kids are. The increase in technology has tripled the number of influences on our children. YouTube bloggers are selling themselves as “just like us.” But they are not just like us. They are making tons of money off of us watching them, all the while showing us all the new things they’ve bought with that money.  Our kids are looking at this and questioning why, if they’re just “like me,” don’t I have all this stuff?

    This month I’m conducting conferences with all of the families in our school.  The easiest conferences in the secondary are the ones in which the student has a goal for college and a profession.  These kids recognize that school and teachers can help them get there, and they focus their energy on that goal.  My heart breaks in the conferences of students just “doing” school.  The conference is spent trying to figure out the fault… the cause.    There are literally a hundred possible causes!  A new one has come to my attention this week, and I’m really struggling with what to do.  I’m finding that some of my middle schoolers are perfectly happy to live life vicariously through the internet.  I cannot wrap my head around that, but I am going to keep seeking answers.  

     My advice to you as parents is to be very aware of what your children are watching.  We’ve done so much to help our children avoid unsuitable sites, but the sites stealing our children’s drive are as innocuous as watching a video game being played by a YouTube gamer all the way to the end.  I doubt we’ll ever be able to assign any fault to the internet specifically for this, but I do think we need to be aware and vigilant.

-       Michelle

Deadlines

     Okay, I spoil the families at my school a little.  Sometimes deadlines aren’t really deadlines.  You see, I know that gifted procrastinate… and, if I teach gifted kids, they came from gifted parents.  So, I always assume a few will procrastinate.  Often the second time they will think about a deadline is when I write “This is the last day to __________.”  Then there will be a panic and a phone call and a plea.  I’ve just learned that it is easier to give myself a day or two beyond my “last day” call to get all the orders or money or permission slips in. 

    Recently we’ve been participating in some activities that have no leeway with deadlines.  Friday night’s wrestling weigh-in is a must for Saturday’s wrestling. T-shirt orders done online close down at precisely the same minute they were started some weeks later.  No exceptions. 

     Missing a deadline isn’t all bad, though.  It causes changes in our habits.  I have always been a defender of procrastination.  If it takes three hours to perform a task, what does it matter if I utilize the first three hours or the last, as long as I get it done in time.  That last part is the kicker.  Done in time.  I am not a defender of late.  Ask any of my students:  I punish for late.  I do not accept late work; I cannot stand to go to meetings where we wait for the people who are late before we start (why am I being penalized for being on time?); and I leave students behind who do not show up on time for field trips.  More than once, parents have driven out to the highway to try to catch the bus that left their child behind.  Am I just that cruel?  Maybe.  Naw.  I have been known to wait when the situations are beyond control.  I have to be even more patient now because, for the first time in thirty years, I was the one who forgot the field trip this last week.  I’ve just learned that, given the chance to be late or turn something in late, at least of third of my students will do so.  If I want to spend my days running down late assignments, then I will accept late.  But I don’t.  So I won’t. 

     Missing something is not the end of the world, but it sure is disappointing.  It’s important that we prepare our children for that disappointment… because it’s going to happen.  Your children need some deadlines so that they can practice:  homework done by 9:00, room clean by dinner time, in the car and ready to go by 7:30.  Tying a loss to the deadline can help children realize why they shouldn’t miss deadlines.   Protecting your child from the consequences of not meeting deadlines isn’t really protecting them at all.

-          Michelle 

            Deadlines seem to be made to be broken anymore.  It seems that people in general react to them by missing them altogether or by meeting them only after placing everyone within firing range of their stressful panic to meet them in the nick of time!  Either way, it usually induces negative feelings.

            For a generation of people who have every convenience to make our workloads lighter, we seem to be more hampered than people of the past when it comes to using time efficiently.  Maybe that’s a natural progression since everything electronic seems to operate at lightning speeds.  So, why worry that something might not meet a deadline?  The problem, however, is not technology, but the human factor!  We are not a button push sequence of actions.  Every action we may take has countless ties to emotions, memories, experiences both good and bad.  Perhaps that is the variable which causes people to miss deadlines.  Then again, with so many choices given to us by way of the internet, we may excuse missing a deadline, thinking there will always be something else that offers us a second chance.

            I think the idea of hard-line deadlines went out the window for me when the military officer husband of one of my teachers was informed that he had to give his men a 24-hour warning that a “surprise inspection” was going to be made.  Just what was the surprise about that?  This was the start of the newer, more understanding military.  It did and does give me reason to pause and question the point of it all.

            Just a couple of days ago, Hawaii suffered a scare by receiving a warning of an incoming ballistic missile threat.  Residents were told it was not a test, but the real deal.  It took hours for the error to be corrected.  The conclusion of the matter was: our government entities were not sufficiently prepared to meet such an emergency situation.

            As a child in public school during the 1950s, I rehearsed over and over the required bomb threat drills.  None of us had trouble knowing exactly where to go, what to do, and how to do it!  We had it drilled into our heads that time was of the essence.  We knew that in such an event, there was a deadline to escape certain death.  None of us questioned that fact.

            Maybe we need to fix the failure to meet deadlines in our society by actually saying “No,” when people plead with us to excuse them.  If we hold a solid line, sooner or later they will get the message that there is no grace period.  Sure, they will call us names, they will strike out in anger, but they will learn that a deadline means business.  Will it work?

            I give you this example which has been true at Lawton Academy for about eighteen years now.  Mrs. Smith, Mr. Johnson and I leave for a field trip exactly when we say we will.  We have left one or two behind…but only once.  They usually learn the lesson the first time.  We also set a hard line on returning students to school when we say we will return.  Only an extreme emergency ever prevents us meeting that deadline.  And, in such an event, we contact parents immediately and tell them the new deadline.

Guess what…it works!   Kay

Deadlines are something that we will always have to deal with. The younger you can learn to work within deadlines, the better off you will be in life. One of the best things students can learn during their time in school is how to successfully meet deadlines. Homework is great practice for deadlines you will face in your career. If your child is having problems meeting their deadlines in school, you need to take it seriously. They are establishing habits that are going to last a lifetime.

By helping your child understand the importance of meeting deadlines early on, they will not only do well in school, but in life. Whether it be in their personal life, or their work life, deadlines will always dictate their actions. If your child cannot manage the deadlines he is facing in his school life, he will have a much harder time facing deadlines in higher education and his career.

If your children are not meeting deadlines, you need to enact punishments to make the behavior uncomfortable. There are a few exceptions, including when you’re children are overworked and overwhelmed with their workload, or if you child has some reason that they are unable to meet their deadlines. In these cases, seek help to provide your children the resources to be successful. Aside from these exceptions, it is really important for you to push your children to meet their deadlines.

When your children are in college or the workforce, you cannot help them or remind them to keep up with their work. You need to make sure they leave your house equipped with the skills they will need to be successful in life. Set them up to be successful in life by instilling a hard work ethic and good time management skills. This will allow them to go far.

-          Bria

Stop

My son did not pass his driving test the first time. His evaluator said that he did everything perfectly...except he never fully stopped at stop signs. Upon returning to the privacy of our car, he said, “I did exactly what you do, Mom,” to which I replied, “Not on a driving test or in front of a policeman!”

      As I reflect, I find myself wondering how often in life we roll on through without ever coming to a complete stop. I don’t have any problem stopping an activity cold turkey if it’s not working or is contrary to my beliefs. It’s the activities and beliefs I bought into wholeheartedly and now wish to quit that I hesitate to stop.  I slow down, but then I cruise on through, and soon find myself right back up to speed.

      As parents, “stop” and “no” are probably our most frequently-used words.  “Stop” means no discussion, no slowly ending the action.  Just quit. Now.  If we think back to our own childhood, though, how easy was it for us to just stop?  We’re in the middle of a really important fight over who gets to put his/her elbow on the armrest, and Dad says to “stop.”  Who gets the armrest?  How can we figure it out now?  We were tapping our pencil to the beat of our favorite song (in our heads), and we had just gotten to the good part when Mom said, “Stop!”  What, now?  Right at the good part?

     I joke, but admit it:  it was hard not to go ahead and push that arm one more time, or air-tap the last of the song because… c’mon!

     In this month of resolutions, I’d like to challenge you to use your own struggles with “stopping” as a reminder how difficult it is for your kids to just “stop.”  Don’t get me wrong:  there are activities and actions they do need to just stop.  I’m just reminding you that they might need some help with some strategies for stopping.  “Stop spreading your backpack contents all over the house because you’re making us late while you load up” could become “Let’s make a homework drop spot so that your backpack is all loaded up and ready to go before you go to bed.”  “Stop whining” could become “I hear that you’re unhappy.  Let’s sit down and discuss what’s really wrong right after dinner tonight.”  

     And remember, the best way to stop one activity is to put a different activity in its place.  I’ll try to remember that as I’m resolving to have a less sleep-deprived, more exercised, fewer-caloried year!  Happy New Year!

-       Michelle

            Stopping is a very appropriate word for me today.  I have been suffering with a case of food poisoning or the flu.  My body chose to react to the culprit by having my husband stop our car at least four times during our four-hour trip to allow me to regurgitate along the side of the highway.  Never in my life have I been so sick!  The illness continued when I arrived home and reached my bathroom.

            I spent an hour just cleaning the room, rugs, etc.  Not a pleasant subject, but it made me stop to think about the students I have had to clean up after their accidents.  It is easy to ask why they didn’t make it to the bathroom, but as I found out, it is not always possible.

            So today, I have stopped to thank God for the following things which I am guilty of taking for granted.  Bless all the nurses who dedicate themselves to helping the sick, including cleaning up after them.  I thank God for running water, toilets, and bathtubs which let us wash away the unthinkable.  I imagined a mother in a third world country who had to walk far distances to get water to clean.  We are so fortunate in our great country. 

            My trip started with us being stopped for almost 45 minutes while a wreck was being handled on the turnpike.  I was overwhelmed with sadness when we saw one vehicle was completely burned beyond recognition.  The medical examiner’s car and a hearse were called  to the scene to try to gain identification of the burned victim. 

            All the drivers on the road were agitated at the delay caused by the accident.  However, almost everyone became somber when we realized that a life had just stopped.  Once again, it causes one to realize that each day of life is a gift which we should use wisely.  Yes, I’ve been stopped this weekend.

I shall be more understanding when called upon to clean up the many messes children can bring to a school campus.  I will live each day with a new attitude of thankfulness for the luxuries we take for granted…running water and indoor plumbing!  

-       Kay

Stopping. Right now, I can't even think about stopping. Everyone knows that coming back to work after a vacation can be overwhelming, but coming back to work after the New Year can really make you busy. Aside from the catching up you need to do with emails and busy work, there is an added pressure of entering a new financial year. With this comes budgeting, fundraising/selling, etc. In my industry, there was a dry spell for events during December and now January is back in full speed. It's exciting because I'm bringing in revenue and scheduling a lot of exciting events, but at the same time, I'm looking at my calendar, thinking I have no time. 

Someone asked me what my resolution was this year. I told them that I want to plan ahead so I have enough time to make good choices. That sounds kind of confusing, but what I know about myself is that I am so busy that I don't have time to make the best choices for myself. During my busy seasons, if I neglect to plan ahead, I am always running late and always ordering food because I didn't meal prep. I am making a conscience effort to use the time that I have before I go to bed or on my day off to make my meals for the week, pick out my clothes and get my calendar together. When I successfully do this pre-planning, I am able to focus on the important things happening in my life, eat healthy and dress well.

Getting organized and planning ahead are incredibly important and necessary goals when you have a life in which the work never stops. Identify things in your life that can contribute to your success when you go through periods of your life in which you have no time. What I know about myself is that when I’m busy, if I have to stop and think about what to eat/wear/spend money/etc., I’m always going to make the easiest decision, which is almost never the best decision. If I don’t meal prep, I will get busy and get fast food, and I know this about myself, so I am able to work on it. When you have a life that doesn’t stop, you have to be on top of it. Identifying ways to set yourself up for a good day will help maintain your energy and willpower when you don’t have time to stop.

-       Bria

Since the next two Sundays are Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, the authors of TriOpinion will take two weeks off.  We'll be back Jan. 6.    We did write today, though.  Just look below!  Happy Holidays!

Serious

“Are you serious?!”  Really. Are you?  I mean, what determines “seriousness”?  Sometimes I am seriously having fun when a person in authority tells me to “get serious.”  Two practices a week is not considered “serious” practice for a youth sport anymore.  If I get into “serious” trouble, is that worse than just trouble?

            I think the term serious is defined by the user.  If we do something seriously, we are saying we will devote more attention to that activity or event than usual.  We will seek success… which begs the question:  Don’t we want success in all we do?

            I don’t think we actually do.  For instance, if I get serious about losing weight, then the next six months of my life are going to be miserable. I will lose the weight. Draw no wrong conclusions: when I’m serious, I’m successful. But at what cost? All I think about all day long is what I can eat that won’t cost me too many points and how I miss sweets and carbs.  I dream about food, and I go to bed hungry but out of points.  I look and feel better, but then comes a time when I cannot devote all my thinking to what goes in my mouth.  Yes, I gain weight, but I am much more content… fulfilled even.  Maybe that’s the origin of the phrase “fat and happy.’  And I am… till I’m not. Cue the “seriousness”!

            It’s important that we as parents teach our kids to take their endeavors seriously, but we also have to encourage them to not bank their whole futures on one activity.  Every parent hopes to win the “full-ride scholarship” lottery, but we cannot let that be our focus.  I would encourage you to sit down with your children at the beginning of each school year and help them choose three to four activities to which they can commit while still being able to complete studies and household obligations well, as well as have time for social activities.  We have all of our lives to be serious.  In childhood, we should be able to experience as many activities as possible before settling down on the things we will take most seriously as adults.

-          Michelle

            Serious thinking comes very easily to me.  I enjoy a great joke, laugh, pun, or prank anytime!  However, as a teacher, I always seem prone to follow each with a serious sidebar.  I feel an awesome sense of responsibility for these little first graders since Jesus gave a strong admonition to teachers: “If anyone harms the least of these little ones, it would be better for him to drown with a millstone tied around his neck.”  My serious teaching moments are not as awesome as Aesop’s fables, but they are given with all the love and guidance I can muster.  I want my students to grow up with common sense and a positive self-concept.

            To keep us all on track, I have the pictures of two former students on the upper left corner of my board where students and I can see them daily.  These students both died at the age of seventeen.  One was always the disruptive student, hyper as all get out, and in everybody’s face.  Unfortunately, he was knifed by a rival football player from another school at a party outside the city limits.  He bled out before his friends could reach the hospital with him. 

            The other student was the son of one of my teachers.  He had a learning disability, so school was rather difficult for him.  However, he was a sweet young man.  Again, an unfortunate situation killed him: he had his first real job delivering lumber along with another young man who was driving the truck too fast and lost control, killing my former student when the truck smashed into a tree.

            My serious teaching to my students of today: both boys did overcome severe problems.  The first student became a Christian, a popular football hero, and was a friend to others.  In fact, he was defending a young girl from his attacker at the time of his death.  The second student also became a Christian and was a wonderful friend to others.  He was doing well in high school before he died.

            The serious note: both boys were among the many students who have sat in my classes and learned that life is a gift from God.  None of us know how long our lives will last, or where the road of life is about to take us.  However, the wisdom teachings found in Proverbs in the Bible can help us have a good legacy to leave behind.  I want it to matter that each child passes through my classroom knowing that each day matters, because we may never pass this way again.  None of us will ever again be assembled together in the exact same way living the exact same experience again.  Enjoy and make the most of each moment!   

                                                                                            Kay

“Why so serious?”

The famous word uttered by the psychotic clown mastermind, The Joker, in many iterations of the classic Batman story. In many different versions of the story, The Joker recounts stories of how he got his scar that forces him into a constant smile. In some variations it’s from his abusive father; in others he does it to himself to comfort his wife after her face is mangled by mobsters. But in every story, there is the common irony of a permanent smile scarred onto the face of a deranged and depressed man.

The Joker is terrible, yet relatable in a sad way. The Joker lives in Gotham, a dark, corrupt town with a huge divide between the rich and poor. If you have been keeping up with the news this year, America is starting to feel more and more like Gotham, becoming increasingly corrupt, starting at the top with our current government.

With continuous allegations of sexual assault and harassment, increasingly tense international relationships, and a toxic government, the American people are having to become more and more serious during a time that should be merry and bright.

It’s hard to remain positive amongst a news cycle that is no less than brutal this year. The only way to cope is to remember the good things that are happening in the world. Look up some cute dog videos, remember that Betty White is still alive and watch a Christmas Story on repeat. These problems in our world aren’t going away, but do yourself a favor and take a break from all of the negative. I wish you a holiday season of fun and joy with your family. Turn off your news notifications to your phone, don’t check social media and take a break from the serious to enjoy the season.

Bria

Esteemable Acts

Esteemable acts are experiences which give a person an increased sense of self-esteem.  I am often doing such activities in my first grade classroom.  In fact, just this past Friday, I was able to raise the self-esteem of our second graders who were in my first grade last year.

            During their first year with me, I taught them games which required critical thinking skills.  That class was full of good thinkers.  We’ve added some new students who include a few who have some learning difficulties.  The game we were playing required the students to balance various sizes of wire.

pieces on a wire stand which is leaning about 45 degrees.  The object is to hang the pieces which range in sizes from three inches to about ten inches from each other without making any pieces(s) fall down.  As it got more and more difficult, students began to dread the inevitable…one of the students with a handicap was about to have another turn.  Rather than let them fail in front of their teammates, I gave them careful instructions and encouragement as they moved their piece onto the dangling wire sculptures.  Sure enough, I was able to coach them to success.  Their teammates cheered for them and they puffed up their proud chests for all to see.  They were successful in doing a task at which they failed previously.  Now, that class holds the championship because they arranged every single piece in the game without a mishap.  Other classes must now meet their challenge.

            We require all students to take art and music in our school.  At the first grade level, this is a wonderful esteem builder.  Once I prove to children that they can do wonderful art, their esteem is so positive that we always get wonderful art creations every year.  Not only do they learn to really observe things closely, but they become aware of a wonderful world filled with patterns and masterpieces.  I love the look on their faces when people comment positively on their art works.  Music, like art, requires practice and technique.  However, once a technique is learned, new advanced creations can be developed. 

            My own self-esteem was lifted forever when I learned that Jesus Christ died for me.  That message has guided my life and activities for over sixty years. I learned that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Without that esteemable act, I might have lived a life of frustration and self-pity.  Instead, I have lived an abundant life with wonderful relationships.  No, it wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter.  I had to recognize my weakness and flaws, and then ask for God’s guidance. 

            My students experience challenge and perhaps failure…until we join together in one of these esteemable acts.  Then, I am able to guide and coach them to success.  After their confidence is built up, new risks and challenges are faced with new resolve and positive self-esteem.      

Kay