Deadlines are something that we will always have to deal with. The younger you can learn to work within deadlines, the better off you will be in life. One of the best things students can learn during their time in school is how to successfully meet deadlines. Homework is great practice for deadlines you will face in your career. If your child is having problems meeting their deadlines in school, you need to take it seriously. They are establishing habits that are going to last a lifetime.

By helping your child understand the importance of meeting deadlines early on, they will not only do well in school, but in life. Whether it be in their personal life, or their work life, deadlines will always dictate their actions. If your child cannot manage the deadlines he is facing in his school life, he will have a much harder time facing deadlines in higher education and his career.

If your children are not meeting deadlines, you need to enact punishments to make the behavior uncomfortable. There are a few exceptions, including when you’re children are overworked and overwhelmed with their workload, or if you child has some reason that they are unable to meet their deadlines. In these cases, seek help to provide your children the resources to be successful. Aside from these exceptions, it is really important for you to push your children to meet their deadlines.

When your children are in college or the workforce, you cannot help them or remind them to keep up with their work. You need to make sure they leave your house equipped with the skills they will need to be successful in life. Set them up to be successful in life by instilling a hard work ethic and good time management skills. This will allow them to go far.

-          Bria

Stop

My son did not pass his driving test the first time. His evaluator said that he did everything perfectly...except he never fully stopped at stop signs. Upon returning to the privacy of our car, he said, “I did exactly what you do, Mom,” to which I replied, “Not on a driving test or in front of a policeman!”

      As I reflect, I find myself wondering how often in life we roll on through without ever coming to a complete stop. I don’t have any problem stopping an activity cold turkey if it’s not working or is contrary to my beliefs. It’s the activities and beliefs I bought into wholeheartedly and now wish to quit that I hesitate to stop.  I slow down, but then I cruise on through, and soon find myself right back up to speed.

      As parents, “stop” and “no” are probably our most frequently-used words.  “Stop” means no discussion, no slowly ending the action.  Just quit. Now.  If we think back to our own childhood, though, how easy was it for us to just stop?  We’re in the middle of a really important fight over who gets to put his/her elbow on the armrest, and Dad says to “stop.”  Who gets the armrest?  How can we figure it out now?  We were tapping our pencil to the beat of our favorite song (in our heads), and we had just gotten to the good part when Mom said, “Stop!”  What, now?  Right at the good part?

     I joke, but admit it:  it was hard not to go ahead and push that arm one more time, or air-tap the last of the song because… c’mon!

     In this month of resolutions, I’d like to challenge you to use your own struggles with “stopping” as a reminder how difficult it is for your kids to just “stop.”  Don’t get me wrong:  there are activities and actions they do need to just stop.  I’m just reminding you that they might need some help with some strategies for stopping.  “Stop spreading your backpack contents all over the house because you’re making us late while you load up” could become “Let’s make a homework drop spot so that your backpack is all loaded up and ready to go before you go to bed.”  “Stop whining” could become “I hear that you’re unhappy.  Let’s sit down and discuss what’s really wrong right after dinner tonight.”  

     And remember, the best way to stop one activity is to put a different activity in its place.  I’ll try to remember that as I’m resolving to have a less sleep-deprived, more exercised, fewer-caloried year!  Happy New Year!

-       Michelle

            Stopping is a very appropriate word for me today.  I have been suffering with a case of food poisoning or the flu.  My body chose to react to the culprit by having my husband stop our car at least four times during our four-hour trip to allow me to regurgitate along the side of the highway.  Never in my life have I been so sick!  The illness continued when I arrived home and reached my bathroom.

            I spent an hour just cleaning the room, rugs, etc.  Not a pleasant subject, but it made me stop to think about the students I have had to clean up after their accidents.  It is easy to ask why they didn’t make it to the bathroom, but as I found out, it is not always possible.

            So today, I have stopped to thank God for the following things which I am guilty of taking for granted.  Bless all the nurses who dedicate themselves to helping the sick, including cleaning up after them.  I thank God for running water, toilets, and bathtubs which let us wash away the unthinkable.  I imagined a mother in a third world country who had to walk far distances to get water to clean.  We are so fortunate in our great country. 

            My trip started with us being stopped for almost 45 minutes while a wreck was being handled on the turnpike.  I was overwhelmed with sadness when we saw one vehicle was completely burned beyond recognition.  The medical examiner’s car and a hearse were called  to the scene to try to gain identification of the burned victim. 

            All the drivers on the road were agitated at the delay caused by the accident.  However, almost everyone became somber when we realized that a life had just stopped.  Once again, it causes one to realize that each day of life is a gift which we should use wisely.  Yes, I’ve been stopped this weekend.

I shall be more understanding when called upon to clean up the many messes children can bring to a school campus.  I will live each day with a new attitude of thankfulness for the luxuries we take for granted…running water and indoor plumbing!  

-       Kay

Stopping. Right now, I can't even think about stopping. Everyone knows that coming back to work after a vacation can be overwhelming, but coming back to work after the New Year can really make you busy. Aside from the catching up you need to do with emails and busy work, there is an added pressure of entering a new financial year. With this comes budgeting, fundraising/selling, etc. In my industry, there was a dry spell for events during December and now January is back in full speed. It's exciting because I'm bringing in revenue and scheduling a lot of exciting events, but at the same time, I'm looking at my calendar, thinking I have no time. 

Someone asked me what my resolution was this year. I told them that I want to plan ahead so I have enough time to make good choices. That sounds kind of confusing, but what I know about myself is that I am so busy that I don't have time to make the best choices for myself. During my busy seasons, if I neglect to plan ahead, I am always running late and always ordering food because I didn't meal prep. I am making a conscience effort to use the time that I have before I go to bed or on my day off to make my meals for the week, pick out my clothes and get my calendar together. When I successfully do this pre-planning, I am able to focus on the important things happening in my life, eat healthy and dress well.

Getting organized and planning ahead are incredibly important and necessary goals when you have a life in which the work never stops. Identify things in your life that can contribute to your success when you go through periods of your life in which you have no time. What I know about myself is that when I’m busy, if I have to stop and think about what to eat/wear/spend money/etc., I’m always going to make the easiest decision, which is almost never the best decision. If I don’t meal prep, I will get busy and get fast food, and I know this about myself, so I am able to work on it. When you have a life that doesn’t stop, you have to be on top of it. Identifying ways to set yourself up for a good day will help maintain your energy and willpower when you don’t have time to stop.

-       Bria

Since the next two Sundays are Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, the authors of TriOpinion will take two weeks off.  We'll be back Jan. 6.    We did write today, though.  Just look below!  Happy Holidays!

Serious

“Are you serious?!”  Really. Are you?  I mean, what determines “seriousness”?  Sometimes I am seriously having fun when a person in authority tells me to “get serious.”  Two practices a week is not considered “serious” practice for a youth sport anymore.  If I get into “serious” trouble, is that worse than just trouble?

            I think the term serious is defined by the user.  If we do something seriously, we are saying we will devote more attention to that activity or event than usual.  We will seek success… which begs the question:  Don’t we want success in all we do?

            I don’t think we actually do.  For instance, if I get serious about losing weight, then the next six months of my life are going to be miserable. I will lose the weight. Draw no wrong conclusions: when I’m serious, I’m successful. But at what cost? All I think about all day long is what I can eat that won’t cost me too many points and how I miss sweets and carbs.  I dream about food, and I go to bed hungry but out of points.  I look and feel better, but then comes a time when I cannot devote all my thinking to what goes in my mouth.  Yes, I gain weight, but I am much more content… fulfilled even.  Maybe that’s the origin of the phrase “fat and happy.’  And I am… till I’m not. Cue the “seriousness”!

            It’s important that we as parents teach our kids to take their endeavors seriously, but we also have to encourage them to not bank their whole futures on one activity.  Every parent hopes to win the “full-ride scholarship” lottery, but we cannot let that be our focus.  I would encourage you to sit down with your children at the beginning of each school year and help them choose three to four activities to which they can commit while still being able to complete studies and household obligations well, as well as have time for social activities.  We have all of our lives to be serious.  In childhood, we should be able to experience as many activities as possible before settling down on the things we will take most seriously as adults.

-          Michelle

            Serious thinking comes very easily to me.  I enjoy a great joke, laugh, pun, or prank anytime!  However, as a teacher, I always seem prone to follow each with a serious sidebar.  I feel an awesome sense of responsibility for these little first graders since Jesus gave a strong admonition to teachers: “If anyone harms the least of these little ones, it would be better for him to drown with a millstone tied around his neck.”  My serious teaching moments are not as awesome as Aesop’s fables, but they are given with all the love and guidance I can muster.  I want my students to grow up with common sense and a positive self-concept.

            To keep us all on track, I have the pictures of two former students on the upper left corner of my board where students and I can see them daily.  These students both died at the age of seventeen.  One was always the disruptive student, hyper as all get out, and in everybody’s face.  Unfortunately, he was knifed by a rival football player from another school at a party outside the city limits.  He bled out before his friends could reach the hospital with him. 

            The other student was the son of one of my teachers.  He had a learning disability, so school was rather difficult for him.  However, he was a sweet young man.  Again, an unfortunate situation killed him: he had his first real job delivering lumber along with another young man who was driving the truck too fast and lost control, killing my former student when the truck smashed into a tree.

            My serious teaching to my students of today: both boys did overcome severe problems.  The first student became a Christian, a popular football hero, and was a friend to others.  In fact, he was defending a young girl from his attacker at the time of his death.  The second student also became a Christian and was a wonderful friend to others.  He was doing well in high school before he died.

            The serious note: both boys were among the many students who have sat in my classes and learned that life is a gift from God.  None of us know how long our lives will last, or where the road of life is about to take us.  However, the wisdom teachings found in Proverbs in the Bible can help us have a good legacy to leave behind.  I want it to matter that each child passes through my classroom knowing that each day matters, because we may never pass this way again.  None of us will ever again be assembled together in the exact same way living the exact same experience again.  Enjoy and make the most of each moment!   

                                                                                            Kay

“Why so serious?”

The famous word uttered by the psychotic clown mastermind, The Joker, in many iterations of the classic Batman story. In many different versions of the story, The Joker recounts stories of how he got his scar that forces him into a constant smile. In some variations it’s from his abusive father; in others he does it to himself to comfort his wife after her face is mangled by mobsters. But in every story, there is the common irony of a permanent smile scarred onto the face of a deranged and depressed man.

The Joker is terrible, yet relatable in a sad way. The Joker lives in Gotham, a dark, corrupt town with a huge divide between the rich and poor. If you have been keeping up with the news this year, America is starting to feel more and more like Gotham, becoming increasingly corrupt, starting at the top with our current government.

With continuous allegations of sexual assault and harassment, increasingly tense international relationships, and a toxic government, the American people are having to become more and more serious during a time that should be merry and bright.

It’s hard to remain positive amongst a news cycle that is no less than brutal this year. The only way to cope is to remember the good things that are happening in the world. Look up some cute dog videos, remember that Betty White is still alive and watch a Christmas Story on repeat. These problems in our world aren’t going away, but do yourself a favor and take a break from all of the negative. I wish you a holiday season of fun and joy with your family. Turn off your news notifications to your phone, don’t check social media and take a break from the serious to enjoy the season.

Bria

Esteemable Acts

Esteemable acts are experiences which give a person an increased sense of self-esteem.  I am often doing such activities in my first grade classroom.  In fact, just this past Friday, I was able to raise the self-esteem of our second graders who were in my first grade last year.

            During their first year with me, I taught them games which required critical thinking skills.  That class was full of good thinkers.  We’ve added some new students who include a few who have some learning difficulties.  The game we were playing required the students to balance various sizes of wire.

pieces on a wire stand which is leaning about 45 degrees.  The object is to hang the pieces which range in sizes from three inches to about ten inches from each other without making any pieces(s) fall down.  As it got more and more difficult, students began to dread the inevitable…one of the students with a handicap was about to have another turn.  Rather than let them fail in front of their teammates, I gave them careful instructions and encouragement as they moved their piece onto the dangling wire sculptures.  Sure enough, I was able to coach them to success.  Their teammates cheered for them and they puffed up their proud chests for all to see.  They were successful in doing a task at which they failed previously.  Now, that class holds the championship because they arranged every single piece in the game without a mishap.  Other classes must now meet their challenge.

            We require all students to take art and music in our school.  At the first grade level, this is a wonderful esteem builder.  Once I prove to children that they can do wonderful art, their esteem is so positive that we always get wonderful art creations every year.  Not only do they learn to really observe things closely, but they become aware of a wonderful world filled with patterns and masterpieces.  I love the look on their faces when people comment positively on their art works.  Music, like art, requires practice and technique.  However, once a technique is learned, new advanced creations can be developed. 

            My own self-esteem was lifted forever when I learned that Jesus Christ died for me.  That message has guided my life and activities for over sixty years. I learned that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Without that esteemable act, I might have lived a life of frustration and self-pity.  Instead, I have lived an abundant life with wonderful relationships.  No, it wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter.  I had to recognize my weakness and flaws, and then ask for God’s guidance. 

            My students experience challenge and perhaps failure…until we join together in one of these esteemable acts.  Then, I am able to guide and coach them to success.  After their confidence is built up, new risks and challenges are faced with new resolve and positive self-esteem.      

Kay

Esteemable acts is an incredibly interesting idea because so often we talk about how self-esteem issues plague our youth, but we don’t talk about how to build esteem in young people. It’s important to help our students build confidence and self-esteem through earned accomplishments. Looking back on high school, the proudest moments I had all revolve around extracurriculars and competitions.

Although competitions can be intimidating, they can help your child build confidence through accomplishing something difficult and tangible through hard work and talent. They won’t always win, but when they finally do it will feel like such an accomplishment.

Another thing I did in high school that helped build self-esteem was get involved with nonprofits. Being able to help others and give back to your community is a great way to build confidence and self-esteem. Charity can teach children a lot about their own circumstances and remind them to be thankful for all that they have. Beyond that, giving back can make your child feel proud and confident.

Investing in things that make your child happy can help build esteem as well. Validate their passions by investing time, money and effort into helping them grow in these activities. If your children show an affinity for music, help them grow by paying for lessons and attending their performances. Your support in their interests validates their dreams and will make them feel good about what they are doing with their lives.

We spend so much time worrying about low self-esteems in our children. Rather than acting retroactively, let’s be proactive about creating esteemable acts in our children’s lives. Getting ahead of this issue will allow our youth to grow up confident and happy with themselves.

Investing in things that make your child happy can help build esteem as well. Validate their passions by investing time, money and effort into helping them grow in these activities. If your child shows an affinity for music, help them grow by paying for lessons and attending their performances. Your support in their interests validates their dreams and will make them feel good about what they are doing with their lives.

We spend so much time worrying about low self-esteems in our children. Rather than acting retroactively, let’s be proactive about creating esteemable acts in our children’s lives. Getting ahead of this issue will allow our youth to grow up confident and happy with themselves.

-       Bria

  I have to admit, before yesterday I had not ever heard the term “esteemable act.” I was on a marathon driving stint to return robotics items from competition some four hours away, when an interview caught my attention. The interviewee used the term, and the proverbial “aha” light illuminated above my head! His point was that we have to do esteemable acts to gain self-esteem. That will preach.

     Are you allowing… nay, encouraging, your child to do esteemable acts? Or, are you one of growing population of parents who reward your child for expected behavior? Not sure? Let’s find out.

   You’re about to go into a department store with your children. You:

A.            Tell your children that, if they are good, you will get them a (fill in the blank) as you’re leaving.

B.            Tell your children you expect them to behave so the whole family can have fun.

C.           Watch your kids misbehave and yell at and threaten them.

    It’s report card time. Your kids made good grades because:

A.            You have offered money or prizes for good grades.

B.            You have made it clear that you believe they can do well if they apply themselves. You believe it so much that you invested in a private school.

C.           No matter what you seem to do, your kids don’t care about making good grades.

     If you chose C on either of these questions, it’s time for you to check out a book on parenting. Answer B Choosers, you are teaching your kids to do something esteemable. Therefore, your child is building self-esteem. Answer A-Choosers, while rewarding your kids for hard work is fine (everyone likes a bonus), teaching them to work FOR the reward (as opposed to “because it’s the right thing to do) is akin to training a seal with sardines. “Getting” is not an esteemable act, whether it be the trophy everyone gets or the candy reward at the end of good behavior.

    We’ve simply got to offer our kids chances to build esteem. That means they must know what is expected and choose to meet those expectations. If you’ve done a good job, you’ll be surprised how many times your kids actually surpass your expectations! I see this daily at school, so I know it works! Happy holidays!

-       Michelle

Endurance

I’ve never had a more appropriate time to talk to you about endurance. Right now, I’m sitting at day three of a weekend hackathon. Although I am not hosting the event, I’m the point person for the whole weekend, which means while the organizing team takes shifts and naps, I’m here 7:00 a.m. - midnight making sure everything goes well.

Exhausted does not even begin to describe how I feel. I have done similar events that I have hosted weekend long, but there is something about working this hard on someone else’s event that can really feel like an endurance test.

There are many parts of my work and my life that are endurance tests. I spent several hours at the DMV last month getting my new Illinois license and registering my car. As I looked around at all of the other unimpressed faces, I thought about how the DMV is one gigantic shared endurance test that affects every driver in the country. For some reason that was oddly comforting to me to have the realization that everyone crammed into that tiny waiting room was having this experience together.

What my team at work does is rewarding, but overall it is an endurance test. I say that not in the same connotation as the DMV, but the amount of time, money and effort we put into this organization tests our endurance and pushes our limits constantly. Being in the startup world is a challenge in of itself, let alone trying to create a place for like-minded entrepreneurs to grow and thrive. We hosted an interesting meeting last month that was a meetup for organizers of co-working spaces. I sat in on a great deal of that meeting and was comforted to know that other people are having similar challenges. All of us work long hours and take little pay and get way too emotionally invested in our organization. This can be said of most people that own or manage a business.

In our life we will face tests of our endurance. In those moments, think of the other people that face similar challenges. You are not alone in whatever challenge you face. Someone else has stood where you stand and has made it through to the other side. Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone and seek out others whose endurance you admire to advise you and keep you grounded.

-       Bria

Done! I think that’s one of my favorite words in the English language. There’s just something so satisfying about finishing a huge project or event… to know you endured and “finished the race.” I write this on the heels of robotics season - ten weeks of late nights and intense deadlines.  Every year I entertain the idea of making it my last year in robotics competitions.  Then I remember how much my own kids gained from the experience, and I realize I need to make sure others’ kids get the same opportunity.  It’s a true endurance test, though, and it ends with me driving a bus load of kids home for five hours!

  Are you teaching your kids endurance? If you are, thank you so much! So often, I have to convince parents to make their children stick it out.  As soon as the going gets rough, so many parents want to throw in the towel.  So many that I had to make a school-wide policy regarding quitting.  If a child quits, he/she cannot come back to that activity for a year-and-a-half.  I added a 100-point credit score loss to the secondary kids because several had no problem with not coming back.  

  Coaches and directors and teachers have plans made and money invested based upon the numbers at the beginning of the event.  When you allow your child to quit, you not only lessen the team’s/organization’s chances of being competitive, you waste the leader’s time and money.  And most importantly, you weaken the marketability of your child.  People might accidentally hire a quitter, but they don’t keep them.

  If you are the parent of a gifted kid, your child is twice as likely to try to quit.  Gifted kids hate failing.  Sometimes quitting is a better option than learning that you aren’t that good and facing possible ridicule.  The ironic thing is that most gifted are good at a lot of things.  We use the phrase “jack of all trades, master of none” when describing gifted.  Chances are that your child will actually be pretty good at whatever he’s in.  The slight chance that he might not be, though, is overwhelming.  This is easily fixed within your household:  set up a culture in which it is safe to fail.  Coddling and yelling are equally unwelcome; just a good old-fashioned evaluation of the effort given and a valid processing of whether another attempt is worth it or not is all that is needed to ease their fear of failure.  

   I think probably one of the most useful ideas that has come out of robotics competition is the engineering design process.  I love that there is no end.  Every idea and prototype can be tweaked.  New beginnings work off of old ideas, and the more you consider alternatives, the better your product.  If we applied this process to all we teach our children, rather than the memorize, regurgitate and forget method so often used, imagine what our kids could do!  

  I wish you and yours enduring love this holiday season!

-        Michelle

Endurance, today’s topic, is the power to withstand stress or hardship.  Yet, when I hear or see the word, I almost always picture a runner in a race such as the Olympics.  In fact, when I think about it, I almost never use this word in any other way.  That really is strange when I think about the actual definition of the word.

            The reason I am surprised is that endurance is really a big part of my life.  Each year of teaching brings another group of students and parents into my life with different expectations, standards and discipline ideas.  I always find it interesting and a challenge trying to get all our differences to mesh as we seek to educate the child.  Thus, school often becomes an endurance test.  Can we all survive the ten months of school without a major upset?!  Usually, we all do survive, and the child meets the standards set before us.  We celebrate with awards and promotion to the next level of learning.

            However, once in a while, we get a certain student who puts teachers through a stressful endurance test.  Most often, these students have mastered the art of manipulation and are carefully pitting parent against teacher, etc.  It takes a great deal of courage, inner strength, and determination to endure such a relationship.  I have been through several of these situations during my career.  Even though success may have been the outcome, the energy required to endure the task ultimately takes a toll on the person…I speak from experience.  Perhaps the reason for this is that an investment is being made by the teacher in the life of that student.

            I think one reason for struggles and problems in many of our nation’s schools is that teachers are living an endurance test.  School board members and administrators often distance themselves from the stress and hardships of the classroom.  I know for a fact that many college professors teach their students about educating without having the actual classroom experience themselves.  Thus, teachers enter classrooms without adequate preparation in classroom management.  This is like throwing the person in a hungry lions’ den.  Students find safety in numbers as well as partners in their manipulations.

            As I have stated before, I learned simultaneously in the classroom and the college lab.  I could understand the needs of my classroom and ask the professors for on-the-job help and suggestions.  It certainly made me a better teacher.  I took that experience and made myself teach in the classroom as well as administrate.  I put myself on the firing line, so to speak.  I made mistakes, faced seemingly impossible goals, and took the hits as well as the praises from parents and students.  I did not hide out in the office.

            Just this past Friday, I saw once again why endurance is necessary and in the long run, why it is also a blessing.  As my students and I compared their work of the day with some from the beginning of the school year, we were amazed at the levels of accomplishment!  Wow! Yes, some had a little more to accomplish than others, but everyone was better than when he/she started the year.  So, one mountain has been scaled, and now we move on to the next summit!  Thanks to a Thanksgiving break, I think I am ready for the pre-holiday chaos that teachers know too well!  That’s endurance.    

-       Kay

Appreciation

            Appreciation is what I feel during this Thanksgiving season.  It only takes one day of giving thanks to make me aware of the countless blessings I have received.  In the spirit of giving thanks, I sat down and read my prayer journal from the years of 2007 through 2010.  I was amazed at how many of my prayers were answered with added blessings I hadn’t even petitioned God about. 

            Throughout those prayerful writings I recorded my gratitude for my son-in-law’s safe return from one military deployment after another.  I recorded evidence of God’s promise to those who are trusting in Him: “All things work together for good to those who love God and are fitting into His plans.”  Some of the most challenging experiences of my career occurred during that time period, but God wove a tapestry of blessings out of them all.

            I realized how quickly time passes by us all.  Those years seem like a few months ago.  Now, I am more determined than ever to spend precious moments with my loved ones…family and friends.  I am committed to making an extra effort in relationship and memory-building activities.  This calls for more effort on my part to use my “working time” more efficiently.  As I’ve heard many times from my pastor, no one ever said when at death’s door, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” 

            This past week as our family spent celebrating Thanksgiving in two cabins deep in the woods of the Ozarks, I had plenty of reflection time.  I had time to review the life of my cousin’s husband who passed away the previous week, and to be thankful for the lessons his well-lived life taught others.  I had time to breathe fresh air, watch for wildlife, listen to the wind in the pine trees, and enjoy the display of stars in a pitch-black night free of the encroachment of city night lights.  The final evening bonfire which included roasting marshmallows stirred memories of long forgotten “simpler times.”

            I am especially feeling appreciation for my daughter’s ability to help our busy family make the time to enjoy these special times.  I see in our grandchildren that same spirit of “family” being groomed and nurtured for introduction to their offspring in the future.  And, I pause…bow my head…and say, “Thank you God for all these blessings!  Thank you for letting me be born in the United States where I am free to have such wonderful experiences.”        

-       Kay

This is the time of year that we reflect on what we are thankful for. Beyond what we are thankful for, it is important to acknowledge what we appreciate. I’m thankful for my job, my education, my apartment and my car, but more than anything, I appreciate my family who gave me all of these things.

My parents are the most supportive people in my life. They never let anything limit my dreams. This value has carried me far in life and taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to. I have done a lot in my short life already. I look at the people around me that have not been given the same opportunities as me, and all I can do is realize that I have been incredibly blessed.

My family is the greatest family in the world. We have our problems and sometimes we fight, but at the end of the day, we support each other. My parents are endlessly giving and forgiving. Whatever I do in my life, they support me 110%. They have given me so much, and continue to give even when it means they will have less. I will forever be indebted to them for everything they have done for me.

Think of these people in your lives. Maybe for you, it isn’t your parents. Maybe it’s a significant other or a best friend. Take the time to tell these people that you love them and appreciate them and remember to never take them for granted. Mom and Dad, thank you for always having my back and pushing me to follow my dreams. I love and appreciate you both so much.

-       Bria

I’m not sure the appreciation I feel for the last week was exactly what our forefathers intended, but I am so very thankful for the week I just spent with family.  We gathered in the backwoods of a Missouri resort and enjoyed good food, fellowship, and absolutely no phone or internet service!  To play on last week’s theme, “unplugging” was sheer delight!

   As we enter the time of year that students seem to be least appreciative, I want to take the time to encourage you to teach your children appreciation.  I love to hear a young mother admonish a toddler to say “thank you” before the child can even speak.  It is amazing to me the number of teens and young adults who do not thank me for holding a door for them or giving them the right-of-way.  I worry that I am going to get decked or shot for my reaction when they don’t show appreciation. (I usually say something loudly like, “Oh thank you, kind lady” or “You’re welcome, Ingrate.”)

   More disturbing than the absence of everyday manners, though, is the lack of appreciation so many students have for the things their parents buy them.  I know, you and I were kids once, and we drug the toes of our shoes and put holes in our pants knees and disassembled some of our toys.  I see much more disturbing instances nowadays.  I have had multiple students lose or break very expensive phones.  Two days later, they have new ones!  What’s disturbing is not that kids lose or break phones; it’s that they have very expensive phones… at as early an age as seven.  

    Kids have bragged to me that they have a TV, a computer, and a gaming system in their rooms.  I have been known to reply, “Wow!  If your parents put a refrigerator and a microwave in there, they’d never have to see you!”

    Parents, your children will take stuff as long as you will give it.  That stuff is no replacement for time with them, though.  There will come a day when those things you buy don’t impress anymore.  

    While teaching your children to appreciate what you provide for them, please don’t forget to appreciate the role you’ve been given as parent.  My kids are 27 and 22, and they are still two of my favorite people in the world.  I appreciate getting to talk to them and spend time with them and watch them grow and know that I am loved by them as much as I love them.  

   Happy “appreciation” season!

-       Michelle

Unplugging

“Unplugging” is certainly a timely topic today.  In fact, I’ve used that term several times this past week.  When I found two boys in a conflict which didn’t seem to be finding resolution, I joined them to share some very good advice my husband gave me to use.  I explained that the student who was “needling” the other boy was exercising great control over his victim.  He found himself energized as tears ran down the cheeks of the victim.  I then told him that he was being like a leech that sucks and drains the life blood of its victim.  He didn’t like the comparison.

            To the victim in the situation, I explained that he had let the tormenter wire his forehead with invisible antenna through which he could control the emotions of his victim.  I said it was possible to just reach up and “unplug” the wire.  Once that act was completed, the tormenter was powerless to bother him as before.  He could then just walk away.  This incident was like many I have observed and mediated in the past…the victim walked away and was fine…once he unplugged the antenna.

            I grew up in a time when these situations were handled by repeating a verse my parents gave me: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names and faces can’t hurt me.”  Yes, I realize that since my childhood things are different now.  Parents are very protective of their children’s emotional state of mind.  However, I don’t see today’s children able to handle these situations as easily as my generation did.  In fact, by protecting them from negative words, opinions, etc., we seem to have made them much weaker emotionally.

            The second way I have been impacted by the term unplugged is in the practice of people to extend the life of their loved ones by hooking them to machines for the last weeks of their physical life.  I’ve just returned from the funeral of my cousin’s husband.  He had been such a vibrant and active man all of his life.  He has been in a dementia unit with a rare form of Alzheimer’s for over a year. In a way, his death was a relief.  To see him hospital-bound was hard for family.  But I am proud that he was allowed to die without the mechanized life-saving measures many people insist upon with their loved ones.  As my husband points out, it not only takes away the dignity of the individual, but it runs family finances into near ruin.  Instead, the last moments of this life were spent with his family, and he looked up toward Heaven, reached out and smiled before he laid down his head and went home to God.  He was at peace.  A few years ago, my aunt had grown tired of the tubes, etc. and asked the family to sing “Amazing Grace” for her; for my brother-in-law to recite the 23rd Psalm; and then for the doctor to unplug her from the life-support machines.  She died gracefully and peacefully.

            At this moment, I am looking at a stack of papers that need grading.  However, I am going to unplug myself from school-mode and enter Thanksgiving mode.  I am going to enjoy the one thing that makes life worthwhile…my family and our relationships with one another.  

-       Kay

“Unplugging” is something that is going to become increasingly difficult to do as we become a more connected world. The place I work gives me the opportunity to see and experience cutting edge connected devices. IoT, connected homes and smart assistants are becoming more and more common and the future will see even more of this type of technology.

In many ways this innovative technology brings with it a lot of exciting capabilities. The problem with the increase in smart devices is that it is much harder to unplug. Unplugging from time to time is important for our mental health, personal relationships and ability to take a break. For me, I see unplugging in two categories: unplugging as a social/gaming addict, and unplugging as a workaholic. In general, you can apply these categories to different age groups, but there are exceptions.

For kids, and younger people it is easy to become obsessed with technology whether it be gaming, social media or binge-watching television on streaming services. Between your phone, your tablet and your laptop (assuming most kids have at least two out of three), it is hard to put the technology away. Even when we manage to set the phone down, notifications pull us back in.

There is a similar issue with people who cannot leave their work at work. Many of us have our work emails connected to our personal phones and computers. This means that even after we leave the office, we will still receive email notifications to our phones. This makes it incredibly difficult to unplug because we can get pulled right back into work with just one email notification.

Both of these examples are incredibly common and contribute to a lot of larger issues in our lives. It’s important to find ways to unplug and invest in your personal relationships in the real world. This is the time of year where we come together and celebrate with our family. Take the time this holiday season to unplug and invest time with your family face to face.

-       Bria

 This last Wednesday evening, AT&T lost coverage of about a third of the country, including the Oklahoma and Illinois areas. Bria and I tried repeatedly to call each other, texting back and forth our frustrations with dropped calls. Since I was passing an AT&T store on my way to choir, I texted that I would stop to see if there was a problem with our account. The place was swarming with people with the same idea. About that time, Bria sent the outage map, and I shared the info with all who would listen.

    I eventually figured out a back door (turn airplane mode on for thirty seconds and then off to make calls), and Bria and I were able to successfully share the worries and triumphs of the day!

    You’d think we didn’t talk every day. If we were that disturbed by the breakdown of our communication channels, I can just imagine what those who urgently needed phone communication must have felt.

     This week my family will willingly unplug ourselves (somewhat) from technology by traveling to an isolated resort in the Ozark hills for Thanksgiving. I’m actually looking forward to the unplugging… mostly because I’m authoring what’s “unplugged.”

     Therein lies my thought for this week. “Plugging in” implies a choice on our parts.  When I was a kid, we did things just for the pure joy of it.  Kids today have pressure even in the activities they enjoy.  

    Wanna play soccer?  You need to be on a traveling team and give up all your evenings and weekends.  I mean, don’t you want to be a professional athlete?  Then you gotta work!

    Heck, kids even have pressure on their video games.  Until recently, I’ve been playing Candy Crush fairly anonymously.  Somehow my phone linked Candy Crush to my husband’s Facebook account.  Now I know how I have done at each level compared to all of our friends who play.  Talk about pressure.  If I know, then I’m sure they know, right?!  

.    As our children become increasingly “plugged in” to real life, it is important that you teach your child how to “unplug.” Daily your child should have at least thirty minutes of activity that is in no way dependent upon technology or a deadline or practice. Everybody needs something they do just for the joy of doing.  Even just sitting down and talking would be great. I think that’s why Bria and I were so desperate to talk. Even though we have to do it via technology due to distance, our “hashing out the day” is our unplugging activity.

     Here’s hoping you have a Thanksgiving full of unplugged activities… on your terms, of course!!

                                                         Michelle