Scheduling

Scheduling is easier to do than it is to actually carry it out.  Most people fall victim to over-scheduling themselves.  I am no exception!  My problem is that I am a person of my word.  That means if I say I will do something, I WILL do it!  As I explained in a previous blog about commitment, I may kill myself trying to fulfill a promise, but I committed to it, and I will DO it!

            I am trying to juggle classes at school this year.  We have gone to departmentalization in grades one through five.  That may seem easy; however, try to visualize moving five grades of students in the hall at the same time, from classroom to classroom on a weekly schedule where each day is a rotation of classes with a different teacher.  Needless to say, it requires our undivided attention…much like herding cattle!  We’re in the ninth week of this rotating ritual, and I do see some light at the end of the tunnel.  It does require consistency!

            Our biggest hurdle is to overcome the students’ habit of tuning adults out.  When told to move or do something, children usually say, “Okay…in a minute…”  When parents get busy or forget to check on the progress since the request was made, the children continue with their chosen activities and no action is taken.  Thus, we must change that usual reaction of children to one of prompt attention.  If we fail to be consistent, we will be in the same situation as parents often find themselves.

            I must admit that it would be easier to forget trying to schedule classes or activities, but I feel the children will suffer in the long run.  Learning to be on time and in the right place are skills that will make these students of today better citizens of tomorrow.           

-           Kay

Scheduling is one of the biggest pain points in my life right now. I have known about the deadline for this blog post since Saturday, and here I am again doing it at the last minute. I always tell myself that I am going to get ahead and give myself some breathing room, but I get overwhelmed in my own schedule and end up doing most things on the day of the deadline.

Working with events, I spend a good portion of my day scheduling events, classes, workshops and parties. I have been working with this company for six months and occasionally I still overbook myself to absurd amounts. When I am looking at something that is two months out, I tend to be unrealistic with how many events I can handle in one day. Then I get to the day of, and I want to kick the version of myself that determined that schedule.

I’m sure that I am not the only one with this problem. A lot of us tend to believe that we can take on the world. Whether you are scheduling your day, your month, or your five-year plan, remember to be realistic and manage your own expectations, as well as the expectations of other people in your life. Setting a realistic schedule and not overbooking yourself will help maintain your sanity and will set you up for more success than if you are scrambling to fit everything in. On the days that I am overbooked, I tend to get sloppy with small details and I let some things slip that I would normally have taken care of.

When I am responsible with my scheduling, and I give myself enough time to conquer everything.  I feel in control of my situation. It’s incredibly easy to over-commit ourselves. Remember to give yourself some breathing space. Not everything is as urgent as it might seem. Schedule down time and days off and activities that make you happy. It is great to schedule the important things in your life, but it is important to include rest time in your schedule as well. We are getting to the point of the year that many people experience seasonal depression. With this comes anxiety and a feeling of overwhelming stress, merited or otherwise. Get ahead of this feeling and create time to relax and recover. It is okay to take the time to put your well-being first. Keep up on your schedule, but between meetings and appointments, schedule yourself an hour to watch your favorite television show or to take a nap. This approach will make everything seem more manageable.

-       Bria

   If you’re like me, you schedule your free time because work consumes every waking moment! I won’t attempt to advise you on lightening your schedule because I can’t figure out how to lighten mine. Instead, I want to talk to you about your older child/teen’s schedule.

  There are often only two camps when it comes to children’s schedules. One camp says that kids need to be allowed to be kids, and as such, nothing beyond school should be scheduled for them. The other camp tries to give wings to every passing fancy, even if it prohibits being home before eight in the evening every night. I’d like to encourage you to set your tent up somewhere between these two camps.

  If your child is in school, he has a job. His job is to make himself as marketable for college as possible. If your child is doing that correctly, then he is involved in not only the academic day, but also extra-curricular activities that make his college resume look good. Add doing well in homework so as to attain the highest GPA possible, and your child has a pretty full schedule.

   Some kids have extra-curricular desires, however, that are not offered in school. That is when you should facilitate that desire. The danger comes when you facilitate every desire.

   One of the greatest things you can teach your older child/teen is how to keep a schedule. If your child is a teen, and you are still packing his afterschool activity bag, you are failing at this. It is not wrong...nay, even encouraged… for you to let your child face the music for forgetting the correct shoes for soccer or the music for piano lessons. It’s through these consequences that your child learns how to maintain a schedule and all that encompasses. It is also okay to say to your teen, “Put dinner with the family on your schedule at 6:00” or “Don’t schedule anything for that free Saturday next month; we’re having a family day.”

   I’m not going to insinuate that mentoring your child on scheduling will protect her from 70+ hour work weeks when she grows up.  But knowing how to schedule dates and family time and fun just could save her sanity!

-       Michelle

Busy Sunday! We will post on Tuesday.

Everything

“Everything,” is the grandest overused superlative of all time. We use the term as an inclusive way to speak generally about something without providing more specificity. I am a major offender of overuse of the word everything. When it’s a bad day, everything is wrong. When it’s a good day, everything is great. I overgeneralize and overanalyze and overuse “everything” when I don’t have the patience to be more specific about what I’m feeling.

This isn’t a problem that only affects me. My generation as a whole tends to speak in superlatives. Exaggeration has become so common that advertising agencies have begun coaching brands to communicate with Millennials using superlatives. Clickbait article titles are rampant. Companies pull us in by claiming to be the biggest, coolest, newest, hottest product in the world. We feed off of these superlatives because we feel validation from being associated with them. By wearing the coolest brands, we feel like that makes us just as cool. All of this feeds into the insecurity and need of approval that many of us face.

Beyond the affirmation aspect of the use of superlatives, we use words like “everything” to avoid exploring feelings and emotions that are more specific. When we are upset, it is just easier to answer the, “what’s wrong” question with, “everything.” This acts as a way to suppress our darker emotions and keep them bottled up inside us. Needless to say, this is an unhealthy way of dealing with our problems. Society has put us in a difficult position because it asks us to be able to do everything while simultaneously stigmatizing our methods of coping with these expectations. This is not a sustainable way to carry out our day-to-day lives. We cannot do everything; we just can’t. Pretending like we can do everything can make us look good for a short period of time, but no one can keep up that pace. Try to remember that you don’t have to be everything. Do you best, do what makes you happy, do not try to be everything.

-Bria

   I just gave the “your child can’t participate in everything” speech to the parent of yet another 6th grader trying to do it all, and it suddenly hit me: Why doesn’t someone talk to my mother! I can think of maybe four things at the school in which I don’t have some involvement, and I know my family members are in the same boat. My children are continuing the tradition in their jobs. All of us feel, though, that we must do this to offer quality service.

 So, I’m wondering if maybe I’m doing a disservice to my students by not allowing them to learn early to juggle multiple activities with little sleep. After all, I am training them to be good leaders, and good leaders lead from the front. That means they will be super-busy leaders. Why not let them experiment early and then teach them how to pick and choose and learn to say “no”?

  Saying “no” is an art. We who are super-busy are sometimes that way because we actually believe the maxim “If it is to be, it is up to me.” This makes us highly susceptible to false guilt.  Just this week, I was asked to take on two more huge responsibilities. I did not feel guilty saying “no” to one and redefining the nature of the other responsibility so that I could successfully participate. I considered both a personal victory in my life because I did not allow myself to be guilted into yet another commitment.

   Determining which activities are necessary to keep our job or grow our business or be considered an active member in our groupings is one of the hardest things we have to figure out, but it’s not impossible. Doing everything is impossible, but discerning in which we should participate and which we should not is not. Hard, yes... but not impossible!

-       Michelle

Everything…this is surely a very broad subject for this blog!  The first thought that comes to my mind when I say “everything” is a recollection of my own distorted thinking.  When I am having a very bad day, I will often find myself asking, “Why does everything have to happen to me?”  And usually, upon the very completion of the question, I hear my inner voice saying, “Really?  Have you counted your blessings lately?!”

            It isn’t until someone understands that terms like “everything” are “all encompassing” that the misuse of the word stops.  I doubt that any of us have ever had an experience that was truly made up of everything that could possibly come our way.  When I had a very bad automobile accident on my way to school one morning, I had a “life passing before my eyes” moment.  As I saw the car coming towards my passenger side window, I thought, “So this is how it happens.  I didn’t even get to tell my family I love them or good bye.”  Thankfully, a voice in my head said, “Press the pedal.”   I did, and was able to move enough that the approaching vehicle t-boned me at the rear seat window.  I did not lose my life that day, but I had a new respect for life.  I tell my students as often as I can that we all should live this day as if it were going to be our last.  Try to tell your family how much you love them.

            As I watch the survivor stories from the recent hurricanes and earthquakes, I recognize that everything with which we surround ourselves adds up to nothing when compared with the lives of people around us.  We live in such a paradox: storage buildings and sheds dot the landscapes to provide enough space for everything we call “ours.”  Yet, our homes are often larger than any living quarters of the past.  Perhaps we have believed the advertisements of the media and just cannot fathom being the only one in our neighborhood without the latest gadget!

            My prayer is that, like Paul in the Bible, I will be content in whatever state I find myself.  As I teach my young students, I will continue to remind them that we don’t have to have “everything” the world offers to be truly happy.     

-          Kay

Standards

    The third Saturday in September is always a rollercoaster day of emotions.  Every year on this day, I travel with some students to the BEST Robotics Kick-off while other students of mine stay in Lawton for all-region honor choir try-outs.  The day starts at 5:00 a.m. and ends with the posting of who made the choir just prior to 10:00 p.m.  Fill the in-between space with seven hours of round trip driving and the excitement of learning our game field for the season, and one has the recipe for high anxiety.  The finale of the evening is the most stressful, though.  I always call the ones who made the choir first.  It’s easy to deliver good news, and the families are always so happy.  But calling or texting the families of those who didn’t make it is so hard.  The standard for making the choir changes based upon those trying out.  They accept the top third or so.  The cut-off score changes from year-to-year.  Trying to explain to a disappointed student or parent that they did a good job – the standard was just higher than their score – is so difficult.

   It’s easy to spout about the standards we have, but I’ve noticed that we compromise our standards often in order to avoid the uncomfortable conversation in which we tell someone he’s not met the standard.     When we feel so strongly about our standards, why is it so hard to enforce them?  Maybe it’s because we’re afraid someone’s going to hold us to higher standards than we hold ourselves, and we’re hoping the mercy we show will be shown to us!

   Whatever the reason, one thing I know for sure:  we have to have standards.  I’ve had at least two children this week blame their brain for their bad behavior… like the brain is some possessing entity they cannot control!  They didn’t make that up on their own.  Someone has told them that their brains are not old enough to process right and wrong yet.  That someone was wrong.

   When we allow our children to believe that they are “the greatest” or “not responsible” or any of the other delusions of grandeur we parents sometimes place on our children, we are doing them a disservice.  This is precisely the reason I make my students compete.  They will never know how good they really are at something till they put their “stuff” out there against others like them.  The aforementioned robotics competition is a great way to show my secondary how to meet a standard.  They are going to spend six weeks making a robot and a game strategy, and documenting every second of the six weeks while simultaneously promoting STEM.  In the end, four teams out of twenty will have met the standard well enough to advance. 

     If your child wins, then he can declare himself “the greatest.” Fortunately, he doesn’t have to be the greatest to advance in life, but failure to set standards for our children now could result in their failure to meet the most important standard later:  being able to get a job. Comfortable or uncomfortable, standards are our friends!

-          Michelle

Standards factor into to a lot of segments of our life. Personally we have standards for how we present ourselves, what we should achieve and with whom we should associate ourselves. Professionally, standards and expectations are set for us regarding how we should behave, work, dress and interact with coworkers or customers. These are both necessary and subjective, depending on your situation. It healthy to have standards professionally and in your personal life that you strive to live up to.

Standards become an issue when we think about society’s standards for us. On a base level this can be okay. There are basic rules and laws that keep us safe and maintain peace and order. Beyond that we see a societal push for standards that seem unattainable to the common person. By far the biggest perpetrator is the media. As someone with an educational background in advertising, it's frustrating when people blindly blame the media for overarching problems without calling attention to specific issues and instances. To a lot of people, the media is conceptually a big brother conglomerate that dictates what we do and why. I personally believe that the media has become a safe target upon which we focus all of our grievance; however, there are elements of the media regarding shaping standards and ideals that I believe are harmful and disparaging.

In a broad sense, the media shapes and distributes the majority of our nationwide/global communication. It is the voice that tells us what is happening in the world. Aside from the traditional news media, there are social media, magazines, lifestyles blogs and gossip websites telling us what is cool, what is attractive, what we should look like. This is one component of the media that I find damaging.

All of these sources point to the same standards of beauty that are very specific and very hard to achieve, isolating those that do not fit in that box. Beyond that, it’s impossible to maintain these standards if you do choose to comply, because beauty ideals change and evolve. While we are still a culture that values fair skin and thin but curvy (in the right places), fashion and makeup beauty standards evolve drastically every few years. Using eyebrows as an example, in the late 90’s/early 2000’s thin eyebrows were in. Women tweezed and plucked their eyebrows until they were tiny lines on their foreheads. As we moved into the second half of the 2000’s, we saw bushy eyebrows come back. Now in the 2010’s, if you don't line a fill in your eyebrows, then they aren't good enough. The same analogy can be used for lipstick, eyeshadow and hair colors/styles.

One of the most alarming things I've seen lately is a number of articles saying that “breasts are out and it's all about the backside now.” While young women can learn to fill in their brows and change their hair if they feel they need to maintain society’s beauty standards, this is straight up body shaming. I read several articles discussing how no one cares about breasts anymore and now girls need to have large butts to get attention. Disregarding the blatant sexism of this article, it is a great example of how the media dictates standards of beauty that are impossible to emulate.

As we see more and more young people suffering from depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. It is important to remind them that the media’s standards of beauty should not dictate their self-worth. Body positivity is a very important concept to introduce to your child at a young age. In this day and age, there is no way to protect your child from these damaging messages. Beauty standards are constantly reinforced through advertising, television/movies, even the games your children are playing. Because you cannot keep them from taking in this media, you must arm them with positivity and self-worth so they will not internalize it. By instilling these values in your children, you will provide them the necessary skills to combat harmful standards throughout their life.

-          Bria

Standards …often the topic of conversations, but seldom the final destination of most.

I, for one, have always been a champion of standards-based curriculum and testing.  When I was young in my career, I was very miffed that my students worked hard to meet my school standards, but when they entered a neighboring district, those very standards hurt them.  Honor society was based upon a report card grade standard.  So, students who couldn’t even do the math for sixth grade level, but who were given a grade of “A” made the honor society.  My students who were working on advanced concepts in pre-algebra and pre-geometry and made a “B” were not able to be inducted into the society.

That situation caused me to lobby hard for compatible standards across the state for all schools.  That was several state superintendents ago, and I have seen standards change several times since we first adopted PASS skills.   Even those first attempts were less than we had envisioned.  Perhaps the biggest let down was how political the standards game became.

I still teach and plan curriculum for our private school based upon standards.  We are more likely to use the term benchmarks rather than “skills” since we view education as a continuous progress model.  No two students will ever be exactly alike in their educational needs.  Thus, it is noteworthy to celebrate benchmarks reached and to set new goals for attainment.

My greatest fears, however, are that standards will continue to be lowered in our nation’s schools.   In these current times, we seem more interested in making students feel good than we are in teaching them to put forth some grunt to reach a goal.  It is obvious from talking with many students that there isn’t a lot of “grunt” available these days.  Now, I will admit it still exists on the sports fields!

I learned in my Masters’ program that when a teacher has risk involved along with the students, the results are usually more positive.  Thus, music teachers and coaches had the best relationships with their students and usually had the most positive accomplishments.  Why?  Both had something to lose if it didn’t go well in performance.  So, to be equally successful in the standard classroom, teachers must risk something, too.  One cannot just “do” or “give” education to their students.  They must have a vested interest along with the students.  Articles I’ve read in recent years seem to extoll lessons learned from very stern teachers.  Perhaps the reason they were looked upon as very stern teachers, was that these teachers had standards which made students reach and accomplish great things.  So today, I take my hat off and salute all those teachers with vested interests in their students.   

-           Kay

Constant

Depending on the way you view it, constancy can be comforting or daunting. On the one hand, constancy is necessary and reassuring. It’s the morning routine, the familiar coworkers and family members you come home to after a long day at work. On the other hand, you could view your life as the same work… day in and day out.

There is something comforting about some things remaining constant in our lives. It’s nice to know that our loved ones will continue to love us and maintain the relationship we have built with them. Similarly, it’s nice to know that at the end of the day, we come home to a house with water and electricity. It’s nice to know that the things we enjoy about our lives have some level of constancy or permanency.

Constancy becomes an issue in regard to the negative aspects of our lives. Right now, I feel like I read at least one article a day that discusses the fact the Millennials are significantly poorer than their parents were when they were that age. I, like most people in my generation, am living that reality. I am working myself almost to death, often putting in 60 or 70-hour work weeks. I come early, stay late and often end up coming in on the weekend. Despite my hard work, I can barely afford my life. Right now, I am five days away from payday and I have basically nothing to my name. This cycle of being broke for the majority of the month is the constancy that I am dealing with right now. I have a routine of using my entire first paycheck for living expenses and then just holding on for two weeks until the second paycheck of the month, and then trying to prepare for the next broke period to the best of my ability.

I am not the only one in this position. Almost everyone I graduated with is in a similar situation. One of my coworkers and I often joke about the poor things we do to get by. One time, I had a breakfast event at work. The hosts over-ordered and ended up with an entire extra catering size tray of breakfast potatoes. They were traveling out of state and couldn’t take the leftovers with them. Typically, I leave leftovers out for the members that work out of our facilities. However, I had so few groceries that I ended up taking home the potatoes. I had eight eggs in my fridge and I had been to the grocery store the night before and picked up ½ a pound of salami from the deli for $2.35. That night I combined the ingredients and made hash that I ate for every meal for the next eight days.

I tell this story not seeking pity, but to acknowledge that constancy can also mean an overwhelming struggle. Right now, our country is being plagued with hurricanes and storms that are ruining people’s lives by breaking their constancy. Whenever something tragic happens in our country we rally together as a nation with donations and volunteer to get these people back on their feet, while there is no real, sustainable effort to help people whose lives are constantly difficult. This country is hard on low income families. It is expensive to exist in our society and for people who are barely getting by, there are not a lot of resources.

I’m going to break through this constancy, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and when I come out of this I am going to be better for having experienced it. The one thing I want to learn from this and share with you is to be aware. Don’t assume anyone can afford anything. Not even a cup of coffee. You never know someone else’s situation, so please remember to be sensitive to it.  The comforts that are constant for you or even for me are not a luxury that a lot of people experience. Never take anything for granted and never lose touch with the reality of the majority’s constancy.

-          Bria

Constant… that pretty well describes the meowing of my cat.  He never can be satisfied with the food we purchase for him…and he lets it be known from morning until night.  His meow sounds exactly like the words, “right now!”  So, I associate today’s subject word with nuisance.

                However, I am also aware at this very moment of the news broadcasts about hurricane Irma in the Florida Gulf coastal areas.  I’ve heard that winds are constant at 70 or more miles per hour.  When I think of some of the storm winds we have here in Oklahoma, I shudder at the thought.  Can you even imagine listening to the howling and the flying debris for hours on end during the slow-tracking hurricane?  People are probably very aware of the constant beating of their hearts in fear and panic.

                I also think about the constant stream of noise which seems to surround us every minute of our busy lives.  City traffic and noise settles to a low din, but it seems to always be there in the background.  The use of cell phones in public has added another dimension of noise to our lives, as people share some of their most personal thoughts loudly in restaurants, in aisles of the stores, and as they walk down the street.  I’ve had to retrain my mind to not suspect people who seem to be carrying on a conversation with themselves of being schizophrenics.  I have to remember the little hands-free device is often hidden behind their ears.

                Years ago, I would take my students for a walk in an adjacent field to a small grove of trees.  I assigned them to a partner with whom they could talk as we walked.  However, once we arrived at our destination, no talking was allowed.  We were to enjoy nature at its best…quiet and isolated from the noises of the city around us.  Each time we did this, I found one or two students who just could not be quiet for the thirty-minute period.  They had to make some kind of noise.  Perhaps they could not stand to be alone with their own thoughts.

                Today, I am aware of the need for noise exhibited by our students.  Many think they cannot study without music or a video of some kind playing while they attempt to study.  Even my first grade students seem not to be able to stand sitting still with nothing going on at the moment.  They will complain, “What are we going to do?  What’s next?  Why are we sitting here?”  Meanwhile, I am thinking to myself, “Why can’t first graders and their teacher take a nap?  It sounds good to me!”

                One of my favorite verses in the Bible is, “Be still and know that I am God.”  I have many fond memories of quiet times spent on a hillside boulder listening to nature around me.  I close my eyes and recall midnight walks under the stars at Windemere Baptist Assembly on Lake of the Ozarks.  And last of all, I remember the deafening quiet of the first big snow of the year in St. Louis during my childhood.  The blanket of snow deadened the usual constant noise of the city…and I would stand on our front porch and just listen to the quiet as huge flakes fell from the sky.    And these memories bring me constant joy and peace of mind.    Kay

Negative:  a constant drip.  Positive:  a constant source of revenue.  Common theme:  always there. 

    Having a large percentage of military, our student population at Lawton Academy does not have much that is constant.    Our desire to meet the needs of our students is definitely a constant, though. 

    The word “constant” often has a negative connotation in our society.  “Constant talking,” “Constant whining,” “Constant coughing.”  I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say, “You are constantly happy.”  Always happy, sure.  But the word constant seems to be reserved for a perturbed statement.

    When used as a noun, though, constant becomes quite positive.  The constants in my life?  God’s grace and guidance, my families’ love for me and mine for them, satisfaction with my job, my faith.  I’m salaried, so a constant paycheck is definitely a good thing!  I’ve lived in my house for ten years now, and I am constantly re-falling in love with it.

   There are so many constants we Americans take for granted.  Constant running water, twenty-four hour stores that constantly offer us purchasing opportunities, constant entertainment.  It’s only during an interruption in these “constants” (like the hurricanes we’ve been experiencing) that we realize how much we depend upon them in our lives. 

   As I sit on my favorite sofa, with its me-shaped impression made by me constantly sitting in the same place, my mind turns to those who have lost their constants over the last two weeks.  So many people have no constants anymore.  Every meal, night’s lodging, and next bath is subject to change and uncertainty. 

    I know you receive a constant barrage of solicitations for donations at the register this time of year, but I ask you to please reflect on the constants in your life, and consider giving to those who have lost them all.

                                                - Michelle

Cycles

Cycles, repeated patterns in life that give us structure and continuity, are certainly welcomed by me.  I teach my students to look for cycles in every area of their lives. After all, the human brain looks for patterns and will strive to make patterns out of seeming chaos.

            I have lived long enough to have witnessed many cycles come and go and return again.  I have even benefitted by keeping some of my more expensive clothing until the cycle of styles made them stylish once again.  It is possible to identify decades in the U.S. through the cycles of clothing, makeup, music and movies.  This certainly makes it easy to hold costume parties. 

            My chosen field of work is education, a profession which undergoes constant cycles of rebuilding and tearing apart accepted norms.  I have seen good come out of these cycles, and I have seen the proverbial baby thrown out with the bath water.  I have learned to accept each cycle with a grain of salt.  However, some of the cycles have developed into a worthwhile cause: all children can learn if you present the information to them at their level of understanding.

            Stages of learning as recognized by Piaget are types of cycles.  The progression from one level to the next may vary age-wise, but usually it will not vary in order or sequence.  Such cycles or stages give us assurance and a means to check our children’s growth.  I am thankful for these age-proven cycles which can serve as guide posts to me in helping children learn. 

            I also teach children about the water cycle, the rock cycle, and the carbon cycle.  As they see how these cycles progress and then repeat the process again, I remind them of the old adage, “What goes around comes around.”  I hope my students will accept the challenge to practice the Golden Rule, pay it forward, etc.  I believe the world would be a better place if we could recycle these traits of love and caring.     

-          Kay

Cycle

To move in or follow a regularly repeated sequence of events.

This wasn’t the first definition that came up when I searched “cycles.” It was actually the fourth. However, I believe that this definition makes the most sense in regards to how most of us interact with cycles.

As I've grown older, I have learned to respect those who are regimented. I admire people with the discipline to wake up every morning and workout before work. Similarly, anyone who regularly meal preps and brings a well-balanced, home-cooked meal to work for lunch each day is impressive. Anyone that has a chore list or morning routine has got it all figured out in my eyes.

Pinterest has become a tool for people like me to learn unnecessary organizational tips and crockpot recipes to seemingly appear as if we have it together. We all have our routines, some more strict than others, but I don't think we think of them as cycles.

Cycles dictate a large portion of lives. On a grand scheme we encounter weather cycles, and the seasons changing and bringing different temperatures and norms that dictate how we dress, act and play. On a more personal level, we have things like our work schedule that commands our time and how we balance our careers and our lives.

If we think about this in the context of the definition above, it can make our lives seem very repetitive. We wake up, we go to work, we come home, we go to sleep, and on and on into oblivion.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the routine of our day-to-day lives. It can get boring if you let it. We get stuck in our cycles that are important and necessary but can become bland quickly.

Take some time to switch it up this week. Do something you wouldn't normally do. It doesn't have to be expensive or outrageous, as long as it momentarily breaks your cycle. It's good to challenge yourself and break out of your comfort zone.

Cycles are easy and they keep our lives on track, but they can also keep us from adventure and new experiences. Enjoy cycles, but don't be bound by them. Doing new things keeps your mind sharp and your spirit young. Don't let your routines and cycles dictate your life; use them as a framework, but make sure to stretch that frame every now and then.

-          Bria

“Some things happen for a reason,
 Others just come with the season.”

-          Ana Claudia Antunes, The Tao of Physical and Spiritual

    Did you ever wonder how we come up with our topics for TriOpinion?  Sometimes we base our writing on events that occurred earlier in the week.  Sometimes we examine issues with which the parents of our gifted students are dealing.  This Labor Day weekend, the topic was hard-coming.  I mean, it could have been anniversaries.  JT and I finally had time to celebrate our 30th by traveling to Dallas to stay in the hotel in which we spent the first night of our honeymoon, and my son and his wife are celebrating their first anniversary.  Kay and Bria, however, were not celebrating anniversaries this weekend.  So…

  Cycles came because of the stream of football games on the satellite radio… and the promise of a cool front on Tuesday… and the fact that I always put my fall decorations up on Labor Day weekend. It still mostly seemed to be a topic I chose, but Kay and Bria agreed that they could write to that topic.  So, here goes…

   It’s stupid, I know, but one of the facts about heaven that I just can’t wrap my head around is the idea that time has no end.  The teaching profession is perfect for me:  there’s a definite beginning and ending, and there are three other little beginnings and endings at quarters.  Even Mondays and Fridays are beginnings and endings.  When something’s not going well, I just start over the next week… or the next quarter… or the next semester… or even the next year. I know that I will understand when I get there and will be so very happy to spend eternity in heaven, but for now, I am going to continue enjoying the cycles in my life on Earth!

   There’s a comfort in the familiar, isn’t there.  God was so smart to make seasons just about three months.  That’s about as long as the attention span for that season lasts.  Then we’re off to the next season in the cycle, welcoming it like an old friend.

   When I adjust the “binoculars of life” to panoramic, and survey decades at a time, I am always amazed about how often I’m in familiar territory.  Be it the topics of professional development or the “new ideas” for discipline methods, there are not really many ideas that haven’t just been re-cycled.  Because of this, we at Lawton Academy don’t jump on many “bandwagons.”  We tell the kids constantly, “Our school isn’t hard; we’re just teaching what schools used to teach and will someday come back to.” 

   A great example of this is the President’s Physical Fitness Test.  You remember, the test you did in PE in which you ran a mile, did a ton of sit-ups in one minute, and measured how flexible you were.  Believe it or not, we were still using the same test till around 2010, at which point, the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition decided to lessen the challenge and focus more on active lifestyles.  My kids made fun of how easy the standards were, and often we had to stop them from going on past the goal set for them.  Two-thirds of my student body easily passed this standard.  When the President’s Fitness Challenge also disappeared this last year, my kids and I decided to re-start the cycle ourselves. I pulled up the old fitness test standards, and I let the kids know that I had achieved the President’s Fitness Award both years I participated.  I had them examine the standards and asked if they thought they could do the same.  They let me know that they found the standards to actually be challenging and asked me to make them a copy.  So many asked that I ended up telling them I’d award a trophy for any who met the President’s Fitness Test standards by the end of the year, and a medal for those at the National Fitness level.  It has been great to see kids out training in pull-ups and running. 

    I guess my point to all of this is:  don’t get too excited about the “state” of things.  Children world-wide have years of not caring… and then years of immense caring… and so on and so on. Even in the life of one child, there are cycles.  Good ideas come… and go… and come again.  Some ideas swing more like a pendulum, but a circle is made eventually. 

-          Michelle

Acknowledgment

Hey, you look nice today. I think you are doing a great job, and I can really tell you are working hard. Way to go!

Acknowledgement. It feels nice, doesn't it? Whether it's your teacher telling you they were blown away with your term paper, or your significant other pointing out that you are having an exceptionally good hair day today, it's nice to be recognized.

Acknowledgement can come from a variety of sources, but we all have those people whose acknowledgement means the most to us.

When was the last time you acknowledged someone else? Either a family member, friend, significant other or even a peer? How often do we think about the importance of building others up? I love being acknowledged by those close to me, but sometimes a customer or a fellow employee acknowledging me will put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

We all know that it feels good to get recognized for doing a good job. Why don't we remember that we should make others feel good as well?

Self-esteem is an issue that can affect all areas of your life. It is so important to instill good self-esteem in our children and youth. Teaching them to value themselves and their own worth at a young age will set them up to value their self-worth as adults.

An adult with low self-esteem is dangerous because that person is more likely to let others push him around. These people will not recognize that they deserve better, and they will put up with less than ideal circumstances because they were not taught to believe that they deserve better. Adults with a healthy amount of self-esteem are ambitious and fight for what they deserve. These people see more success because they were taught that they could be successful and that their dreams were achievable.

It is our responsibility as adults to make sure children grow up with good self-esteem. We shouldn't give them undeserved praise because that's how you create a monster. However, a healthy amount of acknowledgement and praise can teach a child that it feels good to be successful.

Remember: if we as adults feel the need for acknowledgement from others, kids are feeling that need ten times as much. Establishing a relationship as a supporter of your child both financially and emotionally will create a positive example for him to pass on to his children.

Sometimes kids do stupid things. They will mess up and they will make choices that you don't approve of. But they will also do things that astound you. When you children are doing something positive, reward them with acknowledgment. It might not immediately make a difference in their lives, but the long-term effects will be positive.

Good work champ, I'm proud of you.

-          Bria

            Acknowledgement is the act of admitting or verifying the truth of something.   Wow!  We sure live in a time of drought in our country when it comes to this area of our lives.  It seems today that no one wants to admit responsibility, thus everyone is blaming someone or something else.  It reminds me of the old story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

            There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.  Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.  Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.  Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.  It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

            It seems no person in the spotlight of media coverage wants to take responsibility for anything anymore.  Yet, if we are willing to admit our mistakes or weaknesses, we might find a more rewarding experience and lifestyle awaits us.  Let me give you a perfect example or two from this past week.

            My husband was having trouble getting his chemistry students to understand the concepts he was teaching them these past four weeks of school.  He gave a test and no one passed it.  So, he addressed his students and asked them why they thought they failed the test.  After several reasons were given (many the usual ones), he told them those were not the reason they failed.  Then he acknowledged that he failed because he hadn’t figured out a way to get the concepts across to them.  They were shocked at this acknowledgement on his part.  Then, he began teaching them different ways until they seemed to be getting it.  When he gave another test to the class, the lowest score was an 80%.

            Mr. Johnson asked the students why they felt the test scores were better.  One of the girls responded, “You didn’t seem so intimidating.”  His acknowledgement of weakness brought courage to his students.  It was one of those “aha” experiences teachers never forget.

            The second example was an email I received early in the morning before I left for school.  It was from one of my former Hmong students who came to our school in the post-VietNam era.  He thanked me and my staff members of that time for taking the time to love and care for them and teach them as we did.  Our work with these students was a heart-melting experience.  These children were displaced by an awful war.  They had never been to school a day in their lives; instead, they ran from bombs, gunfire, and soldiers killing their family members.  They could only eat uncooked rice dropped from the US helicopters as they hid in the jungles. 

            My former student brought me up to date on these Hmong friends: many are doctors, lawyers, teachers and other professionals.  He is himself a lawyer and school board member in the Twin Cities area.  He acknowledged that our group of refugees far surpassed others they met in their moves to California, Wisconsin and Minnesota.  That acknowledgement validated my belief in the methods we are using at Lawton Academy more than ever.  I am so blessed to have been touched by their lives.

-          Kay

It’s the age-old philosophy question:  If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  Every parent and educator troubles over whether or not to acknowledge an issue or ignore it and move on as if it doesn’t exist.  I myself can think of instances where knowing a diagnosis helped me better work with the student, and instances of ignoring the deficit and reaching success.  This last weekend, the shoe was on the other foot, though.

   I’ve always known I was a little hyper.  I got spanked for talking too much in school, and no one wanted to sit on my pew in church because my bouncing leg made the whole pew shake. But, when parents mention that their child is ADHD, my standard answer is, “Well, maybe. Or maybe they’re just bored.  We’ll see.  I mean, I’m pretty hyper, and I’m not ADHD.”

   I don’t have any clinical diagnosis, but I came as close to the label this weekend as one can without an appointment.  When parents suspect ADHD in their kids, we usually tell them to try the caffeine test first. We tell them to give their child coffee or Mountain Dew or the such to see what kind of effect it has on him.  If he’s bouncing off the wall, he’s probably not ADHD.  If the caffeine calms him down, however, the parent should definitely get the child seen, as caffeine has an opposite effect on those with ADHD. 

  It was the day of the eclipse, and my students and I were rushing away from our viewing site in a mad dash back to Oklahoma so we could attend school the next day.  We were rushing for all of 16 miles.  Then we hit all the other viewers rushing back to their houses.  Two miles took us 45 minutes!  I made a gas stop, and decided I better grab a 5-Hour Energy to help me stay awake while driving the bus.  I’d never had one before, but I know many who swear by them.  Oh my goodness!  I almost fell asleep!  It knocked me on my tail.  I had to pull the bus over and walk around it a couple of times.  Then I just kept eating till it wore off, a process that took about thirty minutes total. 

  If I believe that the caffeine test is accurate, then I am most likely ADHD!  As I shared my story with people, I was dismayed to hear the shock that I didn’t already know I was ADHD.  Evidently, it was obvious to everyone else that I was AHDH. 

   But I couldn’t be ADHD because I was an honor roll student.  In fact, I made my first B in 11th grade.  A parent with similar symptoms shared with me that she was diagnosed, but her doctor said that she just didn’t have the deficit.  Oh, okay.  I’ll accept the label if there’s acknowledgment that I am high-functioning!  I also love that my Diet Coke can now be called “medicine!”

  So, the question now is:  if a child is ADHD but is never diagnosed or treated as ADHD, is there a deficit?

  I know it’s not as clear cut as that, but I do find it a very intriguing.  Does my hyperactivity have a different name since I don’t seem to have a deficit in attention?  One of my teachers says that I am like the circus guy who spins plates; I jump from activity to activity, always keeping the plates spinning, but not necessarily in any pattern.   If anything, my attention can stay on several things at the same time. In my job, this is an asset.  I can walk down a hall to do one thing and be tasked with six more things on the way.  I will usually do all six.

   Maybe a better question would be:  If a person is diagnosed with a disorder, is it really a disorder, or is it just a different way of interacting with one’s world? 

   The subject for the week is acknowledgment, though, so let me address that.  Acknowledging is not excusing.  It is good to give an issue a name, but it is wrong to let that acknowledgment dictate what a person can or cannot do.  I have had many students who, having been diagnosed with everything from ADHD to Asperger’s, graduate and become fantastic members of society.  In every case, parental support was the key factor.  Parents who had set a standard beyond what they were told their child could do, and then genuinely helped their children reach small goals toward that broader goal created strong young adults.   No, these adults don’t think and act just like everybody else does, and that alone is a plus for society as a whole.

-          Michelle

Overtime

     It’s throwing me off to be writing my piece on Saturday.  I usually mull over the topic all weekend, and then sit down Sunday after lunch to write my thoughts.  This Sunday, however, I will be driving a bus to Missouri.  Fifty-three of my students and parents and I will be traveling to view the total eclipse.  Gotta have all my homework done prior to driving and cooking and fellow shipping and “ooooo-ing” and “ahhhing.”

     It’s not foreign to me to spend the weekend at work.  One of our very first posts on this site dealt with then-President Obama’s decision to pay salaried workers overtime.  I was alarmed because the knee-jerk reaction by all employers of salaried workers was to immediately remove any opportunities for overtime.  Keys were taken up and time clocks put into place.  I couldn’t imagine how any extra-curricular activity could survive this ultimatum.  Thankfully, the decision-makers decided that lawyers, doctors, and teachers were exempt from this decree.  First time my profession was ever grouped with the likes of lawyers and doctors! 

    The truth is that a teacher doing his/her job correctly HAS to work overtime.  Time with the students is spent (are you ready for it?) teaching.  Planning and grading and conferences and meetings all have to take place outside of the teaching time. Sure, some get a planning period once a day.  One hour a day of planning period would only make my day end at 10:00 p.m. instead of 11:00.  I’m not complaining, though.  I get bored when things aren’t happening.  Any free time the government would require would just turn me into a subversive!

   My husband and I watched a very thought-provoking movie the other night.  It received a 17% rating – not something with which I’d usually waste my time – but it starred Emma Watson and Tom Hanks.  Those are not two names usually associated with failures.  It was called The Circle, and it was easy to see that it was satirizing Google or some other such large corporation.  Emma’s character was not required to join in on socialization opportunities offered by the corporation during her off hours, but her lack of participation seriously “worried” her supervisors.  I asked my Business Communications class the next day if our school was like this corporation.  They were quick to say “no.”  Playing the Devil’s Advocate, I asked if our solar eclipse trip did not, in fact, belong in the same category.  It led to a really good discussion, and by the end, the students had learned that bonding opportunities should be made available to employees, but not required, or strongly suggested, as was the case in the movie. 

   This is an age-old issue in any organization.  Early in our marriage, my husband would make me aware of “opportunities” for the spouses of soldiers to meet each other and fellowship.  When he became a battery commander, I learned that being the commander’s wife meant that I needed to provide funds for the young enlisted wife who didn’t have enough for diapers, a practice that ended almost as quickly as it started.  By my husband’s deployment to Desert Storm, we young wives had learned to reach out to each other for support because our husbands were in the same location – war.  This camaraderie was so successful that the military made it regulation.  They called it Family Readiness Groups.  Now what we had done naturally in a time of high-stress became mandatory for all the leadership wives.  I remember rushing home from work to quickly feed my husband and son, and then rushing to an FRG meeting… where we sat and talked about why more people didn’t come. (Frowny face emoji goes here…but I don’t have one on Word!)

    Overtime – whether it be for more work or to build camaraderie – HAS to be the decision of the employee… or student, if you will.  The student or employee who enjoys his work will volunteer extra time to it simply because he enjoys it.  That’s my life.  I absolutely love “building” this program.  The employee or student who cannot wait to leave work or school will be just as miserable in overtime… whether he is paid time-and-a-half or not (or in the student’s case:  gets extra credit or not).

   Okay.  Employee has to enjoy it.  Got it.  This is where all the “extra-curricular activities at work” idea originates with employers.  Those employers are forgetting one key factor:  enjoying work and enjoying your work mates are two different things.  I enjoy my students, my fellow teachers, and my parents during the work week.  When I work overtime, I don’t want to be with anyone or anything but my work.  I need that time to think… to produce… to catch-up and to ready myself for the week ahead.  Sure, I plan events like this solar eclipse trip, during which I will be spending 48 hours with the aforementioned.  I will have already spent fifteen hours of alone prep-time on Saturday, though.  I’m counting the trip as a super-long Monday, and as such, I think it will be a blast!  Some of my students and most of my parents are not going; the ones who are, want to be there, as do I.  We’ll have a great time together.  

   My points are these:  as parents, we have to understand that lessons and teams and civic organizations and church are all overtime to our students. The child who wants to be there will blossom and flourish. The child made to do these will make you as miserable as he is.  As employers, we need to know that the event we’re all going to together after work to promote camaraderie is not promoting camaraderie with those who don’t want to be there.  It’s stressing them… and quite possibly their wallet, as well.  As individuals, we have to stand up to those who would dictate our free-time activities.  It may not be listed in the “inalienable rights,” but it is just as precious to us.

Michelle