Setting limits…This is probably one of the hardest things for a person to accomplish, whether for him/ herself, for the children, or for life in general.  Because it is so difficult, self-help books are for sale by the millions.  Yet, it remains a constant nagging problem in our society.  In fact, I just turned off the news this morning after hearing of a three-year-old child killed by a drunken driver who was running down people celebrating at Mardi Gras.  The driver certainly had not set limits for drinking.

            Just this past week, I watched an anguished couple grieving over the death of their two-year-old child who ran out of the house and into the path of a car.  The couple wanted to tell others to keep a close watch on their children to avoid such a tragedy in their lives.  It struck home with me because as a child, I was a sleep-walker.  My mother feared I would leave the house in the night.  How did she prevent that?  She locked the door high enough so I couldn’t reach it.  Problem solved.

            I am not surprised that children run into traffic, start up and drive cars, fire guns, and often wind up in the news.  Many people today are so busy with their own lives (I won’t go into my usual rant about parents holding and watching their cell phones rather than their children) that they fail to take preventative steps to protect their children.  These steps could be as easily done as making the child hold their hand.

               More and more children today are “kids without limits.”    It becomes harder to teach academics in schools when so much more time is necessary to teach students how to limit their inhibitions.  Do I have a magic pill or formula for fixing this problem?  No.  However, I have learned that this “affective” side of education is extremely important.  I try to include in my daily lesson plans some activities which afford time to practice “working within limits.”    I also make sure I don’t give in to emotional manipulation by students.  When students say, “But we were better than before, so can we have the reward, too?” I hold my ground.  If I want a poor behavior eliminated, I must be consistent and hold to the standard.  Yes, some parents do thank me for the changes they have seen in their child’s behavior.  So, I just continue helping students recognize and work within limits…winning one child at a time. 

            As for me, I continue to work on setting limits for my use of time.  I used to be able to multitask quite well.  Now, nature itself is teaching me to set limits.  It’s called “old age!”      

- Kay

Playing by the Rules

Playing by the rules…This is a saying that has many meanings, depending upon who is talking or what rules are being considered.  I certainly hear a lot of people using this phrase today.  My students insist upon this as a summation of their gripes during playground games.  Political parties throw wild accusations of this not being done by the opposition.  The citizens of our country claim the government is very unfair in seeing that everyone but the government plays by the rules.  The government, it seems, is exempt.

            It is important that we agree to a moral set of rules by which we all can receive guidance.  The absolutes in those rules, such as the Ten Commandments and The U. S. Constitution, keep us united and prevent anarchy. 

            The problem is that many people choose to change the rules to fit their own desires.  The rules keep changing so much that it appears no one is following “the rules.”  In our world, we deal with power struggles as people want to control the “rules of the game.”  Situational ethics brought on a frontal assault which has steadily weakened our understanding of “playing by the rules.”

            My personal attitude is that I will continue to teach my students about the two absolute rules: The Ten Commandments and the U.S. Constitution.  With these codes of expected behavior, I can lead students to measure up to the standards.  This process will allow all our citizens to measure our success in learning to “play by the rules.”    

-           Kay

Throughout life we are asked to abide by a series of rules. These rules will change with the context of the situation in which you find yourself. What doesn't change is the expectation that we should follow these rules.

I am of the illustrious Millennial generation that companies want to target and the media wants to understand. Members of my generation have taken it upon themselves to push the boundaries and bend the rules. We reject ideology that is not consistent with our beliefs, and when someone says we can't do something, we refuse to accept no as an answer.

This has changed the way we do business and conduct our lives. When we cannot find a job that fits our ambitions, we create a startup company that meets the needs we wish to fulfill. We are not lawbreakers, but we are not afraid to question the rules and think outside the box.

This innovative, ambitious approach is great for adults that are pursuing their dreams and creating their careers. However, it can be hard for parents when they are dealing with children that don't follow the rules. Children are growing up in a Millennial’s world, seeing artists, creators and innovators constantly pushing the boundaries of traditional career paths. It can be really exciting to see all of this amazing work and interesting stories of how these people found success. What is important to remind our children is that you have to learn the rules before you can break them. Much like in writing, you must first go through proper grammatical training before you can begin playing around with style and format. Once a child understands the rules, he is able to push the boundaries and realize his full potential. Teaching him the line between bending rules to pursue his dream and breaking the rules for the sake of breaking them will set your child up for future success.

-          Bria

Before I begin, I feel it only fair to tell you that my playing by the rules is dependent upon who makes the rules.  I follow rules completely, and I expect others to as well.  But rules… not so much.  The difference?  Rules are decided by those properly placed in authority and are intended for my benefit and the benefit of those around me.  Rules, on the other hand, are the set of parameters within which I must function to be considered “in” by the group of people in which I am associating. I occasionally follow those.  I stay within the parameters with hygiene and appropriate behavior and such.  Instead of the stock standard principal’s suit and low-heeled pumps, though, you’re more likely to find me in colored jeans and Chucks.  (That’s Converse… to date I have 76 pair.)

    I am not a real “joiner.”  I was never the sorority type, and I only join associations for the sake of students who want to compete.  If I don’t join, then I have one less set of rules by which to be bound, right?  And, one less group of people to make mad when I ignore their rules!  

    Nevertheless, I do abide by the rules of the “organizations” in which I am involved.  Those organizations include my family, my work, my city, state, and nation, and my religion.  All of these work more smoothly when its members follow the rules.

    As a principal, I am in charge of making and enforcing rules every day.  The one thing I have learned is that consistency is the key.  At the secondary level, we rarely have major discipline problems.  The stakes are just too high.  Those who disobey face extra-curricular restriction, suspension, or loss of privileges to travel with us for out-of-town events.  The students also understand the goal:  making them the most marketable to colleges and, later, to employers. 

   At the elementary level, though, the consequences are not quite as tough because of their ages, and I find myself disciplining a whole lot more than I would like.  I am in constant search of the consequence that they DO mind.  It’s like 50 First Dates, with students returning the next day with no memory of the consequences of yesterday!

    I am old enough to have been teaching during the days of paddling.  I had one principal who utilized spanking especially well.  It was a last resort, but when it came, it did hurt.  Consequently, no one got it twice.  Rarely were more than four kids spanked a year, and we had a great school of children who got to the business of learning because rules were followed.

    It’s a different day now, though, and spanking as a method of discipline in the schools does not work.  The negative press on spanking outweighs the seriousness of the disobedience, and all is lost.  So, I continue to search for the perfect discipline to ensure that teachers can teach and students can learn without the interruption of rule-breakers… if there is such a thing.

    It’s worth noting, however, that I am a rule follower in one area:  my rules.  I don’t take medication till it’s absolutely necessary, I don’t go to parties at which I am going to be asked to buy something, and I don’t let students sell products door-to-door to raise funds at school.  Even my wearing of Converse is somewhat a rule I am finding hard to break.  I began wearing them to have something to identify with the kids.  Hey, check out my Chucks!  They glow in the dark!  As my feet age, I find that the support is not so great, and I really should move to something more my age... but I have 76 pair!  And I bought them for a reason!  I need to recognize my rule for what it is:  a set of parameters imposed by me… and thereby, break-able by me.

-          Michelle

Finishing Strong

We’re in the final stretch, bases loaded, summer vacation is just around the corner. Just a few more tests, events and papers to be finished... time to coast right through to the end of the year, right? Wrong. This is go time.

It can be hard to stay motivated through the end of the year. Believe me, I understand. The end of this year will be the end of my last year in school ever. I can't wait to walk across that stage. For others, it might not be the impending vacation or end of the year. It might be excitement to start the next year. Maybe next year is their first year of high school or college. While it's great to be excited for the future, we need to remember to be present in the present.

We still have grades that count and assignments that will affect our GPA. We still have events and activities that matter and deserve our full, undivided attention. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in what lies ahead that we forget to focus on the important things that are going on around us. It’s great to start out strong, but we also have to finish strong.

If you are having trouble staying motivated and focused, there are techniques maintaining focus. One thing that I have done to keep my eye on the prize is to set smaller goals related to the rest of my time in school. If I know that staying focused will maintain my GPA, it is easier to get motivated. For others it might be setting specific performance goals going into end-of-the-year competitions. I also find that filling out my calendar with the rest of my obligations for the year has helped me put everything into perspective. Now, I can take control of my workload, understanding on what I need to get ahead, and what can wait.

It might be slow, it might be hard, but we are all going to make it through the end of this school year. We are going to work hard and at the end of it all, we have a great vacation ahead of us. Stay focused, stay motivated and finish strong.

-          Bria

      Finish strong could easily become my mantra as I am now only two months away from my 73rd birthday.  I have especially become aware of this thought since I have recently had shoulder surgery and am in my fifteenth week of physical rehabilitation, and on top of this I am in my second week of nursing a chronic case of laryngitis. 

            I look back at my life and realize that, eventually, we all pay for choices we make earlier in life.  For example, I wore three-inch high heels every day I taught for thirty years…and later in life, I had to have surgery done on both feet to correct the damage I wrought.  My husband and I enjoyed ballroom dancing, and now we are both wishing we could still “cut a rug” like we did in our youth.  Alas, those days seem far away.

            I took great pride in the fact that I only missed a week of teaching school for surgery in my early thirties, and after that, only about three or four days total over my fifty year teaching career.  So, I consider myself an exceptionally strong person.  Now, with age and the aftereffects of surgery, I find myself more aware of my vulnerability.  Now, it takes extra effort and preparation to be sure that I finish strong! 

            Often I told my students as they rehearsed music and/or plays, “You must really work on the beginning and the ending the hardest.”  My reasoning is that, if the beginning of a performance is not a strong one, people will be turned off and leave, or moan to themselves about having to endure a painful experience.  And, if the finish is very strong, people will go away remembering what they just experienced as a wonderful event!  The middle part may have flaws, but with a strong beginning and finish, most audiences are quite forgiving…and forgetful!

            We often look back and long for those exciting middle years of life.  I personally think a woman is at her height of beauty during her forties.  The children are usually in secondary school or college by then, and one is able to have fun and excitement with his/her spouse.  Yet, it is also during this time that many marriages fall apart and midlife crises appear.  The strong usually weather the storms, but many give in and throw in the towel during those turbulent times.  As I look back, I am thankful that my husband and I were able to survive that middle part of our fifty-two years together.  I compare it to our sailing days when our boat was leaning 15+ degrees in the wind, and I was fighting hard to hold in the sheets with the lines in my hands, and my husband guiding the rudder to smoother seas.  It was worth the effort when we pulled into dock with a safe and sound boat and crew.  Life is like that.

-          Kay

Traditionally in January and February of the academic year, private schools are already looking at the next academic year.  We are busy learning the intentions of our current students so that we can begin enrolling new students in March.  Parents are inquisitive about next year’s starting date so they can plan vacations, and 5th graders shadow in the middle school so they won’t be quite so terrified about what’s ahead.  All of this anticipation is exciting, but it can cause us to lose focus on the current academic year.

     And if there’s one distinctive characteristic of gifted people, it’s that we are great starters, but we tend to want to move on to the next adventure before the first is done.  It’s why I require two semesters of a 3.2 GPA or higher for admission into our honor society.  Some of my gifted will do the first semester each year and then blow it in the second.  I want them to see that they have to stay the course for the prize ahead.

     The inherent danger in planning for the future too soon is the lack of desire to continue if the future is not what we expected.  For instance, a student who learns in January that he will not be returning in the fall sometimes quits right then and there.  It is a form of protest because he doesn’t want to leave, but the family is moving… or they cannot afford to continue… or he has done something to lose the privilege of private school… or his parents just don’t care for our program.  Whatever the reason, he is miserable.  And you know the old adage about those in misery:  Misery loves company. 

      Yesterday (Feb. 10) it was 95°!  The song birds greeted me as I left my house, and I knew spring was on the way.  What?!  It’s February!  Spring fever will come even earlier than it usually does.  How does a teacher of gifted fight the constant barrage of events that threaten her students’ focus on the spring semester?  First, I must acknowledge it.  I, too, loved the warmth on my skin and the chance not to wear a coat.  Second, I need to remind my students of the goals/prizes ahead.  We have state competitions in several events, and we have huge end-of-the-year trips for those who maintain their 3.2 or higher GPAs.  Third, I help those not returning to see the value of finishing well with head held high, rather than slinking out in an embarrassed manner. 

     I must admit that I cheat a little, too.  I stack the spring semester with all of the most rewarding and exciting events.  Then I require the kids to maintain an acceptable GPA or face extra-curricular restriction, a punishment that forfeits all the “fun” stuff if the “necessary” stuff is not done well.  Consequently, I hear all the time, “Why did the year go so fast?  I don’t want it to be over!”  That’s more reward to this teacher/administrator than a two-week vacation!

      Parents, if your child has learned that you will eventually do the chore he started but didn’t finish, I need you to know that you are working directly against me.  It’s not the “thought that counts” here at school; it’s the product.  I know it’s easier to just do it rather than fight over it with your teenagers, and they know that, too.  That’s why they fight you.  Pretty smart, huh?  Finish the good work you began by helping your child know the value of a job well done.  Your future son or daughter-in-law will thank you!

-          Michelle

Jack-of-All-Trades

“Jack of all trades, and master of none.”  I have often used this quote to describe myself to my students.  I’m not sure of the origin of the phrase; however, I felt it described my abilities quite accurately.  I am a person who has always been able to accomplish many different things, although I can’t say that I “mastered” any of them.           

            It is this trait of mine that has often brought me success.  Perhaps I didn’t know better than to try something at which I might be less than perfect.  Anyway, I was voted most versatile by my fellow students in Junior College and felt humbled by their vote of confidence.  All I knew was that if someone asked me to do anything, I would accomplish it or die trying.  I’m still alive, so I survived!  People soon learned they could always count on me.  Looking back upon it, maybe I was fortunate that I didn’t fail!

            This versatility became very important to me as an educational administrator.  I learned to hire teachers and staff members who were also able to “wear many hats.”  Whenever student population fluctuated, or funding became critical, I had staff members who could easily be moved to fill a different position.  This gave staffing security to me, but also job security to the staff members.  Our school was also able to offer many different programs due to the abilities of these people.

            How did I become such a person?  Perhaps it was due to my father being on the road as a truck driver who was never home.  I undertook many tasks that he would have filled had he been home.  That surely contributed to my “can do” attitude.  As I have written before, being a gifted student placed in a program with wealthier students, I learned to improvise. 

            Another reason I have developed this trait is that I believe in the literal statement from Jesus Christ that “nothing is impossible with God.”  I also lived with the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Armed with such resources, how could I fail?  The promise was that if I fit my life into God’s plans for me (see Psalm 139), He would bless my every effort with success.  God has never failed me yet.

            I’ve often said that the human mind is capable of much more than we use.  Gifted people just use their brain differently.  It has been my joy over these fifty years to teach students how to develop their abilities with confidence.  It is people like me who can do many things well who can encourage those who will “master” the arts, etc. because they have the dedication to that specific calling.  So, I am happy to share talents and successes with others in the hope of igniting a “creative fire” within them which may give birth to another great composer, musician, artist, or scientist.  It’s exciting!

-          Kay

    If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times:  We gifted tend to be Jacks-of-all trades and masters of none.  I am usually trying to explain to students in the secondary why others might have beaten them at a competition OR I’m attempting to define “gifted” as those who learn equally well in all modalities and thus seem to have multiple strengths and talents.  Whether used to comfort or to encourage, the tendency remains somewhat of a truth for most gifted individuals.  In fact, I build my secondary program completely around this thought.  I tell the kids not to pigeonhole themselves with one great talent or skill.  Instead, they should make themselves more marketable by being able to do many things well.  To that end, I require that all of my secondary students participate in speech competitions and robotics or engineering fair (dependent upon age).  Then I ask them to also compete in vocal music, band, and math competitions while holding offices in student government and honor societies.   

    Now, as I sit on the precipice of integrating a sports program into our school, I find myself wondering just how many “trades” are too many.  The high school students and I have been trying out ideas that will allow students to compete across the board (if desired) without causing a permanent state of stress. 

    The trick is to get gifted kids to “try” something new.  Many won’t for fear of failure, but most, once they have, find they’re pretty good at it.  So I walk a tightrope between “pushing” and “allowing” students to be in multiple activities. 

   I will admit, though, that I don’t like losing any more than my students do.  Within hours of a defeat, I have a whole new strategy planned for winning, which begs the question:  Should I require less, but require that “less” be better? My own children stayed at Lawton Academy because they wanted to participate in multiple electives and that was not an option at their designated public school. 

    So, in our upcoming sports program, we will offer recreational team opportunities for those who would like to be able to play on an office or church team when they are adults, and we will offer competitive team opportunities for those who find they are really pretty good and want to advance their opportunities in that sport.  To free up some time for sports, we will loosen the reigns on the fine arts, “requiring” only one credit per semester but “allowing” more if desired. 

   Like a typical gifted person, I want to be the Jack AND the master!  I guess I shouldn’t expect less from my students. 

-          Michelle

At least once in her life, a gifted person will be labeled a “jack of all trades.” This basically means that we are pretty good at a lot of things. In school this is great because it means we are involved in a variety of extracurricular activities and competitions. These can all be great experiences for students, expanding their social circles and building their self confidence. Many of these activities also build important career skills for students. Aside from all those benefits, the child typically has a really good time doing extracurriculars.

However, there is a second half of the statement, “jack of all trades.” The second part of this sentence reads, “master of none.” This is the tricky part of the lifestyle. Because a jack of all trades is pretty good at a lot of different things, he does not typically have the time or desire to become a master of any particular skill. This has good and bad attributes because it gives your child a variety of experiences and skills in which he is proficient, but few that have been given the discipline and time it takes to become an expert.

One problem I ran into in school was the fact that the kids I was competing against were not jacks of all trades; they were masters of one - the one in which we were competing. This was discouraging because it was so hard to beat these competitors. There has to be a point where a gifted student comes to terms with the lifestyle of a jack of all trades. Once he understands that being involved in a lot of activities means he isn’t going to be able to win every competition, he can enjoy being able to experience so much.

The reality is, all of these activities will directly translate to marketable skills. These fun activities are broadening your child’s work range and experience. At the end of the day, it is a healthy and smart thing for a student to explore her interests in a safe environment because it helps her discover what she might want to do professionally.

-          Bria

Perfecting

So here we are at the end of January. Let’s check-in on those New Year’s resolutions. Did you quit smoking? Did you go to the gym every day? How about the January cleanse; did anyone stick to that? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a better person than I. More likely, we probably have all given up on our resolutions by this point of the year. I’m not trying to shame anyone. I just think that resolutions set us up to fail.

Perfecting is a process. We will spend our entire lives perfecting ourselves, but we will never reach perfection. That is something with which we must come to terms. Resolutions are good in a way because they cause us to identify what we would like to change about ourselves; however, resolutions are not sustainable because of the pressure to start off so fast and strong. By creating a plan that is more sustainable and incremental, we can continue the process of perfecting and reach attainable goals.

Time spent in school is a perfect example of a period of our lives spent perfecting. We spend years incrementally learning advanced concepts and theories, one step at a time. For example, we spend years perfecting mathematics. We start in kindergarten learning our numbers. Once we perfect this skill, we learn how to add them together or to subtract one from another. We spend years learning how to use numbers, learning equations and theories, and integrating these numbers into other aspects of our lives. Although we will never be perfect at math, we spend years perfecting that skill.

Similarly, we spend school years perfecting social behavior and people skills. We learn at a young age to play nice with others and to share. As we go throughout school, we learn about friendships and relationships and appropriate social interactions. These skills are carried out through our adult lives. Like math, we never perfect social interactions, but we spend our lives perfecting these skills.

When dealing with your children, it is important to remember that they are perfecting, not perfect. There will likely be things that frustrate you as they go through this process, but remember that they are learning and evolving as people. We as adults have not and will not ever reach perfection, so let’s make sure we don’t demand perfection from our children.

-          Bria

    The hardest objective of an English teacher is getting students to revise a piece of writing.  They’re well into high school before they realize that their first ideas are not necessarily their best.  I tell the kids that revising is a life skill.  We just call it perfecting when there’s no essay involved. 

     It’s exciting to me when a student learns the value of perfecting a skill or an event.  There’s not a kid alive who doesn’t believe the way to get better at a sport is by perfecting his skill set.  Students are equally willing to perfect singing or playing an instrument or drawing or such.  But when it comes to school work, often the first shot is the only shot. No one wants to perfect his handwriting or math skills or a foreign language. 

     So when I have a speech kids critiquing each other’s public speaking in an effort to perfect, I get excited.  When students ask for additional math problems so they can be sure they understand a concept before a test, I rejoice.  My greatest joy is when a student with a behavior issue seeks help to make a change.  Are these kids alive only in my dreams?  No, the gifted students at our school do this all the time. 

     I get a kick out of saying the following to our students:  Your teachers here are tools.  I, of course, follow it up with the rest of the idea: we’re tools for their use in reaching their goals.  Nothing makes me happier than to be used productively by a self-driven student to reach his/her goal.

     You can help your child in this area, Mom and Dad.  When your child half-does a chore, have him do it again, but better.  Teach your child that any work done and associated with his name should bring pride.  And don’t make excuses for why he doesn’t measure up.  Gifted kids love standards, mostly because it gives them something to beat.

      Sometimes parents travel with our students to an event, and some are shocked to see what their children can do when pushed to revise and create.  If you teach them that the revisions are to make them better and not just to exercise your authority over them, you might be surprised at what your child can create.

-          Michelle

Perfecting…. it is the act of making something perfect.  That, in a nutshell, sums up the definition of teaching!  We are always striving to perfect our lesson plans, to make concepts clearer for students, and to cover everything expected to be learned in a certain grade level in a limited space of time.

                Needless to say, we never reach perfection!  That would be next to impossible since we are teaching students to be prepared for a future which no one has ever seen before!  What a difficult task we have undertaken.  Yet, I love the challenge…and that’s why I teach.

                I’ve been in the educational field for five decades, so I’ve watched the proverbial pendulum swing back and forth a few times.  We visit and revisit teaching concepts and learn new research and theories about how students learn.  About the time we “adopt” one of these theories, new research comes out to show the flaws, and we find ourselves back to square one.  I’ve watched the jargon and “buzz” words come and go: paradigm shift, multiple intelligences, objective based learning, etc.  Guess what?  Much of education has changed very little over the years.  Oh yes, the delivery systems have gone through a big change with technological advances.  However, even with the latest technology, students who are not interested in the task or skill at hand manage to find other things on which to concentrate.  The results are the same: a bad grade. 

                If we are seeking to bring about the process of “perfecting” a skill or action, we need to know what the finished product should look like for comparison.  How else will we know if we have achieved the goal?  Thus, in our field we set up a rubric by which to judge the end product.  Statements like, “The student shall be able to…” become the comparison chart for evaluating the degree of perfecting we have accomplished.  Students and teachers can then set goals for accomplishing the next stage towards perfection of that skill. 

                In the educational field, this is an everyday process.  Life, however, is not so easy.  How can children learn to be kind, caring, and cultured if there isn’t a handy rubric for them to consult?  Children are quick to adopt “monkey see, monkey do” reasoning in their lives now.  But where are the “exemplary” monkeys they should be watching and mimicking?  Our latest election process has shown a great void exists in our country.

                My conclusion is this: the quality of being perfect is “completeness” so that nothing is wanting.  It is the highest state of excellence.  Jesus said, “Be ye perfect, even as your Father in Heaven in perfect.” (Matt. 5)  I am told that this statement in the original language means “becoming perfect.”  So, it is my task to make sure that each day I am a little better than I was the day before, although I cannot reach such perfection in this life.  Christ washed my sins and failures away with His death so that I may one day have eternal life with Him.  He is my rubric, my example.  As I follow His ways, seek His will for my life, He leads me and makes the path straight for me.  How blessed I am.

-          Kay

Different

It is interesting to talk about the topic of different the same weekend as the Presidential inauguration. This election period has done more to expose what is different about our nation than any other. Currently, we have a divided country. The media has played upon what is different about the two political parties, and it has driven a separation worse than we have seen in a long time. While it is easy to focus on what makes us different, we need to realize what makes us similar.

This weekend saw large numbers gather to watch President Trump sworn into office. at the same, three times as many people marched in protest. This number only represents the numbers marching in D.C. Across the nation and all around the world we saw people marching to protest a President who does not uphold their values.

Whatever side of the argument you are on, it is hard to argue against the fact the President Trump will be leading a divided nation. The news coverage of this weekend showed controversy after controversy. Tensions were high and the nation watched, some proud and some in fear. The next four years will likely be much of the same. This focus on the “different” is not going away anytime soon.  

In all of this division, we have to think about what this is communicating to our children. We must remember that children are watching the world as well. They likely see but do not understand what is going on. The one clear, resounding message that children can receive from this is that people who are different from them are bad. This works for both sides. One side sees crazy liberal feminists violently protesting the government. The other sees racist bigots taking over the country. Both of these portrayals are exaggerated and hateful. How do we explain this to our children? Moving forward, for the sake of our children, we need to remember what brings this nation together. In the discovery of the likeness, we can begin the healing process.

-          Bria

     Different is the label most often applied to a gifted student… both by others and by themselves.  An important distinction to be made here is the difference between different and disrespectful.   When your different steps all over another’s rights, it’s not okay.  But, if your different does not impede others’ progress, then what’s the problem with different?  Evidently plenty.

    This month’s inauguration has been a reminder that people do not like different.  I am not talking politics here, just tendencies.  Going back several years, the pattern has been that one party has control, and when the other party gains control, the outgoing party cries foul.  Everybody is “afraid” of what the new guy might do.  Then at re-election time, several voters find themselves voting for the incumbent (even if it’s across party lines) because, again, the new guy might change things.  He might be different.   

    If adults can be that fearful of different, why do we expect our children to just accept it as a way of life?  I have news for you… they don’t.  Students who are different get those differences pointed out to them daily.  So how can you raise your child to be unique (the encouraging word we use in place of different) and still fit in socially?  I think there are four key factors.

   First, make sure that the child is choosing the unique qualities.  If a child does not own what is different about him, he cannot defend it.  For example, if you think your daughter should wear business pantsuits to school so that she will take the “job” seriously, she is going to suffer ridicule.  Even the youngest of students will call her out on this wardrobe choice.  I have, however, had students at this school who have chosen to wear their business suits (which they wear for speech competitions) to school, and they have successfully defended their rights to dress professionally. 

   Second, give your child the tools to handle the occasional ribbing for being different.  The best comeback I’ve ever heard from a teen who was being ribbed about his virginity was, “I have something you’ll never have again.”  Boom!  The battle hymn of today’s youth is “let me be me.”  There isn’t a reason in the world (unless the difference is due to illegal activity or unhygienic practices) that your child shouldn’t have the necessary rhetoric ready to defend his choices.

   Third, make sure your child is allowing others to be different.  This is where many teens fail.  They want the right to be different themselves, but they are unwilling to let anyone else do the same.  I encourage students to be a “character collector.”  Let me explain.  There are so many different personalities out there.  I tell kids not to surround themselves with people who let others determine how they should dress or act or anything else. Instead, they should be on the lookout for those who think for themselves.  These are the interesting people. 

    Lastly, equip your child to be able to stop a different behavior at any time she would like.  This sounds easy, but I myself have trouble with this one.  For instance, I stop at Sonic every morning to get a Route 44 Diet Coke.  At one point, someone convicted me (briefly) to stop drinking Diet Coke.  All I was worried about were the waitresses who might think they did something wrong when I quit coming!  I have 76 pairs of Converse tennis shoes.  I started collecting them as a way to identify with students.  After all, I was the principal and I taught English.  I needed some way to still be “cool”!  When my teens began promoting “A Day without Shoes” to help our kids become aware of children all over the world who have no shoes, I became very convicted about my collection.  I don’t buy Converse shoes anymore, but I still wear them because the kids like to compare Chucks with me.  I struggle with stopping what I began.

    I know the world is on edge about the differences of our current president.  But, I also know that during my college years, a young singer by the name of Madonna was despised by every mother in America.  Yet, yesterday, I watched her address a nation of women’s rights protestors and be cheered enthusiastically.  What’s different?  She is.  We are. 

   I remain hopefully optimistic.  Different is neither good nor bad. It’s just… different.

-          Michelle

            Different…I am reminded of a poster which hung in my classrooms over the years.  It had one pair of footprints facing another set of three footprints.  The caption stated, “I like you.  You’re different!”

            I have found this word to be an apt description of me.  This blog caused me to really think over my life, and I conclude that I have been and am “different.”  We’ve always heard that gifted students march to a different drummer, but sometimes it may be the circumstances which place a person in that category of being different.  So it was with me.

            When I was placed in the Gifted Program in the fifth grade, I was taken from my neighborhood school and placed in a school attended by higher economic families.  When a child grows up in a poor home, usually he/she is not aware of how poor he/she is.  After all, neighbors are usually of the same social class.  However, when one is moved to another school in a higher social status, it becomes very evident that one is “different.”  One of my nightmarish memories was of a Halloween party at the new school.  All my classmates had commercial costumes they wore to school, while I wore a hand-made (poorly made I might add) fifth grader’s version of a bullfighter’s costume.  I chose this because I found the strips of cloth and the sequins in my mother’s scraps. I cringe every time I think of that day!

            My high school gifted class was in the richest school in the area.  Again, I found myself being different from my peers.  I refused to let my mother drive me to school on rainy days because I didn’t want anyone to see our old, rusted-out Ford.  When she did persist, I made her let me out a block away from the school. When I graduated and went on to get college degrees, I found myself being “different” from my extended family members.  I was the first in our family to do such a thing! 

            My life continued to be filled with times of being “different.”  This was obvious when I became a superintendent and was called to state department meetings.  The male superintendents always took the front seats (usually executive chairs) and left the back row for women.  However, I soon learned that my feminine side gained me help and kindness from the true gentlemen.  My husband said it sure didn’thurt in a “mostly male dominated career.”

            As an administrator, I was again “different.”  I went into education to teach children.  So, I chose to do my administrative work before and after school hours and during the late hours of night.  I taught a full day of classes in between.  I must admit that when I heard other administrators gripe about how busy they were attending Rotary Club, etc., I had no pity for them.

            If I summed up some of the absurdities of being “different,” I would mention that I liked opera and classical music while my family loved country music.  I enjoyed ballet while they enjoyed square dance.  And today, I love old fashioned communication…and I detest dependence upon technology.  So, I guess I will go to my grave being… “different!”

-          Kay

Waiting

Waiting for a Girl Like You, Waiting on a Woman, I Wil Wait, Waiting on the World to Change. These songs all have something in common besides the popularity they have seen across several genres of music. All of these songs revolve around waiting. I am in a period of my life where I am waiting for  a lot of things to happen. I’m waiting for my dog to stop being a puppy. I’m waiting to hear back about a new job. I’m waiting until closer to the end of my lease to start looking for new apartments. I’m waiting to graduate...146 days…

As a planner, this period of my life is incredibly frustrating. I want to be able to be proactive and take charge of the situation, but as of right now I have done everything I can do, and now I just need to wait. There are several periods of life where we are forced to wait. This is something that takes patience and acceptance. We have talked previously about the importance of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is a lot like that. Waiting is an annoying but necessary part of life.

There will always be something to wait on, but this also gives us something to look forward to. I remember waiting for my college acceptance letter. It felt like centuries waiting to hear back from my college. However, when I actually received the letter, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. If I didn’t have the period of waiting for the letter, it wouldn’t have been so great to finally receive it.

Waiting allows us time to prepare and to anticipate. This period of time is just as important. I applied for college in November of my senior year of high school. If I had received an acceptance letter immediately, I would have been mentally done with high school, and I wouldn’t have tried for the rest of the year. I think Billy Joel summed this idea up really well with his song Vienna. “Slow down you’re doing fine, you can’t be everything you want to be before your time…” As Joel alludes to, it is important to not get ahead of ourselves. Being productive but patient can help us realize that we are exactly where we need to be.

-          Bria

Waiting…. “is hard when you don’t know that for which you are waiting!”  This line from Christ in the Concrete City describes the feelings of the disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane as they waited while Jesus prayed.  I’m certain we’ve all experienced the same emotions in our lives.

            At this moment, I am more aware of this as my husband and I have received email after email concerning friends who are going through medical emergencies.  With instant messaging available, news travels fast among friends…but the outcomes must wait for the procedures to take place.  Those steps have not changed over the years.  And so, we wait.  At least I have learned to use that wait time in prayer for my friends. 

            Children do not like delayed gratification.  I have witnessed their frustration, anger, and manipulation being used to obtain what they desire immediately.  Some parents express equal frustration with the impatience of their children, while others express a deep feeling of guilt for not giving their children the satisfaction they desire.

            My own theory is that our lightning-fast technology has caused us to become impatient with the world around us.  Horns are honked the moment a traffic light changes because the car in front didn’t move off the line fast enough.  Some drivers refuse to wait in traffic lines and will take all kinds of risks to “beat the crowd.”  So it seems everyone is in a rush. 

            All this rushing seems strange since we have more time-saving devices than ever before in our history.  Yet, most people complain they “don’t have enough time in the day.”  I do the same thing until my husband reminds me, “You have the same twenty-four hours everyone has.”  What is happening to us?  Perhaps our brains have been reprogrammed by the advertising industry to squeeze as many things into a tiny time slot as is possible.

            I try to help our new crop of students to understand and endure delayed gratification through planned activities.  Yes, I even disappoint them from time to time by putting off an award they were looking forward to obtaining.  Oh, I keep my word about giving the reward, but my timing is dictated by their “timing,” as they work and play through the school day.  Impatience in lines, dealing with friends, getting supplies, etc. can cause a tremendous amount of “wait” time to be accrued. 

            I have watched the steady removal of wait times. Instead of waiting to drive at sixteen years of age, we have created battery driven small vehicles for kids as well as given them four wheelers to drive off-road.  Instead of waiting to apply makeup, girls are provided with makeup kits for nine or ten year olds.  And the beat goes on…

            Around the world, Christians are awaiting the promised return of Jesus.  I am one of those.  Yet, I realize I am here to live, act, and develop relationships with others while I have life.  And so, I wait when it is necessary, and I act when it is possible!      

-          Kay

  I’ve been told that over a person’s lifetime, he will spend almost five years waiting in lines and six months waiting at traffic lights.  Remember not being able to sleep as you waited for Christmas morning to come?  I keep waiting to mature enough not to care about having to wait, but...                

     Waiting is considered a soft skill – a “people” skill - as opposed to a hard skill (a person’s technical skills).  It isn’t often listed in the set of soft skills most desired by employers, yet it would be incredibly noticeable if one did not possess the ability to wait.  Picture the unskilled “wait-er” in line for the copier or handling the company’s stock options or waiting for the boss to finish an oft-told story. 

    You and I know the value of waiting.  A conflict slept on doesn’t seem quite as big the next morning.  Solutions to problems often come after a good night’s sleep.      Waiting is hard… for adults and kids alike.  In a world of very few delayed gratification opportunities, I do believe potential employees who have cultivated this soft skill will be in high demand.  It is our job as parents and teachers to help kids develop this skill.  “Wait time” was a popular concept when I first started teaching.  The idea was this:  when you ask a kid a question, give him time to think and answer… even if there are hands up all around the classroom.    At home, your child does not have competition for answering your question, nor does he have to raise his hand.  He still needs you to “wait” for an answer, not rush off to do it for him or, worse yet, never ask him any questions in the first place.

   First graders can’t wait to be fifth graders; fifth graders can’t wait for middle school; middle schoolers want to be high schoolers; and high schoolers wish they were adult already.  No one wants to wait.  So much learning takes place in the ”wait,” though.  We must teach our children not to wish away opportunities. 

    This past week, a little waiting might have gone a long way. Our governor declared a state of emergency in all 77 Oklahoma counties, and consequently superintendents around the state made the decision to close schools sixteen hours prior to the start of Friday’s school day instead of waiting to see how quickly the system would arrive.  Turns out, the system didn’t come to our area until the weekend, and schools in counties close to us closed for no reason.  My mother makes the decision about closures for our school, and much to the chagrin of a worried mother or two, she did not make her decision till two hours before school was slated to start.  Even then, her decision was not to close… based upon updated projections for arrival times. By then, however, we knew that us staying open when everyone else in the state was closed would bring a major backlash if the updated forecasts were wrong and the storm did indeed show up earlier.  In the end, we opted to be open for those who needed a place for their kids to stay safely while they worked that day.  Not the optimum, but it kept me from being ridden out of town on a rail if my secondary students were in school while the rest of the state was out!

     Mom and I sing next to each other in the church choir.  I had to chuckle when I saw the name of the piece we were singing today:  Waiting Here for You.  Talk about a recurring theme.  In the song, the composer encourages us to wait on a word from the Lord before making a move.  Amen.  My prayer so many times is, “Please, God, don’t let me run ahead of you!”  I don’t want to be that kid, standing at the car, trying desperately to remember what it was you wanted him to get out of the car, but knowing it will never come because as soon as you said, “Go to the car and…” he was gone! 

      I challenge you this week to look for opportunities to teach your child how to wait.  Future bosses will be appreciative!

-          Michelle

Opportunity

          Opportunity is something that “only knocks once”…or so we’ve been told throughout life.  However, I don’t look at opportunity as some stroke of luck that falls out of the sky upon me with its offer for success.  Perhaps my thinking is due to my study of the Bible over the years, but I believe in God’s plan for my life rather than coincidence or happenstance.

            The Bible teaches that if we love God and are seeking His guidance, He will “crown our every effort with success.”  It also teaches that God had a plan for my life before I was even born (Psalm 139).  Why do I believe these truths so strongly?  Let me share some examples with you.

            I was placed in the first Gifted program in St. Louis, Missouri, when I was in the fifth grade.  My parents had only 7th and 8th grade educations.  So, no thought of college ever entered our thinking.  Yet, I was prepared for college, and when my parents had no money or credit to help me go, a great uncle loaned me the money without my asking.  He had never helped anyone before…in fact he was quite stingy.

            I felt called to work with young people, but had no idea in what way.  During junior college, I found many new exciting experiences through the Baptist Student Union.  I was then voted most versatile.  I felt my only talent was my music and art, and both seemed mediocre to me.  Again, God surprised me when I fell in love with my husband to be, only to learn he served as a youth and music minister.  Thus, we began a 25 year career as a team working with youth.

            I received my first teaching job without ever having a course in education.  God provided the way.  He also provided me with a principal-ship and superintendency without the required previous training.  Our private school has also come about without the usual methods of establishment.

            I could add at least ten more unbelievable events in my life that would provide further evidence of God’s plan.  I laugh to myself because many fellow educators have been astounded at how my life path has played out.  As for me, I relax in the knowledge that God is in control and that “nothing is impossible with God.”

            One other aspect of opportunity comes to my mind.  I once led my school district to change the grading scale to 85% = an A.  During those years, I saw students who had never experienced a grade of “A” fight hard to maintain that “A” they received for the very first time in their lives.  After a reporting period or so, they would come to me and say,”Mrs. Johnson, I am now going to try for a ‘real A’ on my next report card.  And many of those students actually did raise their grade points successfully. 

            In the above case, I think I was able to give an opportunity to some who had never had it before…being an “A” student.  They liked the “feel” of it, and set new standards for themselves.  Maybe it just took someone to believe in them to make it happen.  In a way, that’s what God did for me…He believed in me and orchestrated the events and turns in my life so that I could reach my full potential in working with youth.

                                                                                                            Kay