Opportunity only knocks once.  We’ve all heard this admonition, and I would agree that some opportunities do only come around as a limited, one-time offer.  But we were never told that only one opportunity would knock.  Opportunities beat on our proverbial doors literally every day.  It is up to us to figure out which ones are advantageous and which we should let pass by. 

I have been called an eternal optimist.  That’s fair.  From a secular viewpoint, it would seem that way.  (From my Christian viewpoint, it’s an acknowledgement that God is in control.) I get up each morning, excited to see what will happen that day.  Each evening, I review and evaluate the opportunities I took, the ones I rejected, and the ones I missed, deciding whether or not to do something about those the next day.  Sometimes I accidentally access an opportunity, like this week when my email to the parents at our school inadvertently got sent to the education writer at the local newspaper.  Before I knew it, I was being interviewed for a news article on our inclement weather policy.  The next day’s article was defense for having school on a snowy day from our town’s gigantic public school district and little old Lawton Academy!  Hey… it’s publicity! 

As my daughter finishes her internship and is beginning to interview for jobs, our conversations tend to center around opportunity.  Will she get the opportunity to do that for which she has been trained?  What if two opportunities present themselves at the same time?  What if no opportunities present themselves?! I remind her that my childhood dream was to teach high school music, and I am doing that now… but only after fifteen years in elementary education.  Her father finished his childhood dream career – the Army – and had to start over.  Two years of humbling insurance salesman work completed the transition from colonel to civilian so that he could become the teacher he is today.  Sometimes opportunities are like ladders… steps leading to the jackpot opportunity you desire.

If we teach our kids that opportunity only knocks once, are we not robbing them of a lifetime of experiences?  It is our job as adults to teach the kids in our lives to seek opportunities daily… to weigh them and discern which are the best opportunities.  And most importantly, we need to teach them how to have the courage to seize great opportunities.  Gifted kids especially will avoid new opportunities if the chance for failure seems too great.  Sometimes a nudge from an adult is needed.  Here at the school we require that the students try new things.  We assure them that they will fail sometimes, but this is a safe place to fail.  You get up, dust yourself off, and say, “At least I tried!”  Then you move on.

Life doesn’t end when we fail, just as it isn’t ruined if we miss an opportunity.  Sure, you missed that one’s knock.  But listen!  There are hundreds of other doors, all with their own knockers.  You need only answer.

-          Michelle

In Economics, there is the idea of opportunity cost. This is the potential gain that you will never see when choosing one option over the other. There is no way to avoid this potential loss. Decisions have to be made and once made, the decider can wonder if he made the right choice and if he could have done better.

The show Deal or No Deal eliminates this factor by sharing with its player the final outcome of the game after the deal is made. If a player accepts a deal from the banker before that final round, Howie makes them say which case they would have picked next. The player continues to show how he would have played, seeing the offers from the banker, until he makes it to the case he chose at the beginning of the show. At this point, Howie either tells him that he made a good deal or a bad deal. What’s unfortunate about this is that, a lot of times, people get nervous and make a deal prematurely. In many cases, the deal made is thousands of dollars less than the amount in the case.

Games like this thrive on our indecisiveness. It is easy to either convince people to play it so safe that they settle for a small deal, or to push them further and further until they eliminate all of the big deals and walk away with $100. I believe this is much like real life. This example could apply to many of the important choices we are forced to make in our lifetime. Do you go to community college on a scholarship and end up staying in that town for the rest of your life, or do you go off to an Ivy League school, taking on an incredible amount of debt, in the hopes that you will make a lot of money in your career.

Either choice could leave you wondering what your life would be like if you chose differently. There will always be a fear of the unknown, whatever choice we make. What’s important is to make informed decisions that make you happy. In the scenario above either choice could make someone happy. The person who stayed in his home town might have a great life. Similarly, the person who chose to leave might have done really well for himself. Neither of them have an objectively better life. When we make choices and take opportunities that make sense for how we want our lives to progress, then we don’t have to worry about the opportunity cost because we can be confident that we are where we are supposed to be.

-       Bria

Groupings

Groupings is an interesting topic, because in some contexts I feel a great affinity for groups and in other contexts I despise them. Groupings can be work-based, ritualistic, social, or otherwise. Whether we like it or not, groups are necessary. In school we see the infamous group project over and over, preparing us for the group project that is adult life. At work, I am constantly collaborating with other departments and my own team to work towards the shared goal of fulfilling our company’s vision. Often times there are speed bumps and conflicts that arise throughout the process, but ultimately group work is necessary.

In school, we are forced to work in groups to prepare us for the real world. Students often find this process frustrating, but they learn a lot from working in groups. Students learn conflict management, leadership skills and the ability to negotiate and collaborate with others. Group projects are also a great way to see  how successful each group member will be in her career. It is very obvious in group work who will slack off and who will lead the team.

Social groupings can also be key to the development of important life skills. Friend groups, youth groups, clubs and teams help young people socialize and develop important skills that can be beneficial for future employment. Networking is a big part of identifying and cultivating business relationships; without the proper social training this can be very hard for some people.

Overall, groups might be frustrating, but being a part of a group helps us grow and develop as individuals. By joining and participating in groups at a young age, people learn important career skills that will take them far in their adult lives.

                                                              - Bria

            Grouping is a subject I think about often since the brain loves patterns, and I’m always looking for patterns in life!  I also have observed that humans have a great desire to “group” with other humans when in unfamiliar surroundings.  I learned this lesson while deep sea diving with my husband.  The desire to group with others was especially strong as we completed a night dive in the Gulf of Mexico.

            In everyday life, however, I am not a so-called “groupie.”  I have always been a person who stood on the fringe…not wanting to buy into the crowds, clubs, etc.  I enjoyed shared experiences with others, but I never felt the need to really “belong” to a certain group.   The only exception to this is in my Christianity.  I hold dearly to the fellowship with other people who have had the same experience with God as I have. 

            I heard a PBS program this week which was an old interview with Mr. Rogers of TV fame.  He noted that research showed children learned best from being in the grouping gathered around the dinner table.  It was the conversation in that specific setting that added wisdom to a child’s world of understanding.  I thought to myself, “It’s such a shame that our busy society has lost touch with that grouping.”  The majority of my students for the past few years talk only of eating at fast food places or in front of the TV.  Hardly any of them talk about family meals together anymore.

            As my husband and I worked with groups of young people, we showed them how people often try to get “into” a group.  As we formed a circle with kids, we told them they were a group.  We asked another person to be someone who wanted “into” the group.  Without any further words, those in the group drew closer together, keeping the outsider out.  Meanwhile, the person trying to get into the group would resort to force and aggression to gain entry…only to meet with increased resistance from the group.  Only on two occasions did the outsider politely ask “May I join your group?”  The groups on those occasions let them in immediately.  What did the youth learn from this?  I hope they no longer used the wrong methods to gain group acceptance.

            I learned long ago as a teacher that children can discern “classroom groupings” quite easily.  So many teachers thought they were clever by using group names rather than labels like fast, medium, and slow learners.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know the difference between “jets” and “tanks” in school!  I’ve spent my career keeping such groups from happening.  I also have waged a war against letting students pick teams…leaving a child to be chosen last.  That is an ugly feeling that no child should ever have to experience.  Rather, I group students into mixed groups, and I pick teams evenly matched with no one person chosen last.  I explain to children that in life we must work with all kinds of people who have different levels of skills and work habits.  To be successful in these situations, one must look for positives in all people.

            How thankful I am that God chose to love me…without any regard to what group/s I did or did not belong to.  That is grace!

                                                                                      - Kay

There are those out there who feel the need to “join.”  Join fraternities and sororities,  civic organizations and clubs, professional associations, and social networks.  I am not one of those people.  In fact, I have always protested having to join any of those groups. I’ve been told repeatedly that I must embrace social media if I plan to stay connected, and I find myself envisioning how nice it would be not to be connected. 

    I sound horrible, don’t I?  The reality is that I am very connected… with the people currently in my life.  I build connections with the people who have children in my school, with the staff at the school, and with the students themselves.  That alone gives me over three hundred connections any given year.  I cannot imagine where I would fit connections with Facebook friends in all of that!  My “group” is my family.  You can imagine that there are built in problems in working with your husband, father, and mother daily. But we’ve worked many of the bugs out, and they, along with my kids and their loved ones, are the “group” with which I choose to spend holidays and down time. 

   Often gifted high school students will complain of loneliness, even while enjoying popularity among peers.  I have shared with them that gifted often feel lonely because we strive to be unique, and then we are surprised that no one else is like us!  To lose the feeling of loneliness, we have to cultivate groupings.  We have to leave our comfort zone and make ourselves interact.  Many gifted feel like peers are less intelligent… even if those peers are also gifted.  It’s definitely a fault.  My favorite example is Scar from The Lion King.  Remember? He said that he was surrounded by idiots.  But when he became in charge, to whom did he give the power?  The idiots (the hyenas he had called idiots).  Many gifted are not the type of friends most would seek.

   When we have found the “group” that lies within our comfort zone, and there are many out there if we’ll just look, then we can stop seeking and just “be” in a group that loves us in spite of our need to be right… and in control… and, did I mention right?

   Because I have not engaged whenever possible, I do not always understand the need to belong to a group.  College was fun, but it was only the door through which I must pass to get to my job.  And I ran through that door, finishing in three-and-a-half years.  My daughter has one-upped me by finishing her bachelors and masters in four years! We share an equally strong desire to be in the job for which we’ve trained.

   I have to be careful, though, not to judge “joiners.”  People join to feel a part of something bigger… to gain identity.  My identity comes through Christ, and that is sufficient for me.  But even within the grouping of “Christian,” I find myself trying to put some distance between the group and me.  We talk about how wide a brush the term “Muslim” is painted with… that not all Muslims are radical Islamists. But the paintbrush for the term “Christian” is just as wide,  and I fight against sweeping generalizations constantly.

  I digress.  I do not begrudge anyone his groupings.  Belonging to a group meets one of our basic needs, and that is the desire to be needed.  I love the way one synopsis of the movie Babe puts it:  "in an attempt to justify his existence…" Is that not what we do every day?  We try to prove we’re supposed to be here… we have purpose.  And then those of us lucky enough to successfully prove why we exist spend the rest of our time trying to make sure the proof is recorded and extended beyond our lives!

   The grouping I have found rests within my comfort zone, walks beside me in purpose, and includes my living legacy… my children.  My wish for you in the new year is that you, too, find the grouping(s) your heart desires.

-                Michelle

Independence

    I’ve often wondered why they call them the “terrible twos.”  I mean, at two, a child is still learning right from wrong.  It’s much more terrible at three when the child knows right from wrong and chooses to do wrong anyway.  This is one of the first exertions of independence made by a child.  It is often followed by control struggles over bathroom functions, and before you know it, you’ve been thrust headfirst into a battle of wills between you and your child. 

   In reflection, one sees that it is not a continuous battle, though.  There are peaks and plateaus.  After potty-training and learning to share, things go pretty smoothly until third grade.  At third grade, children desire independence in choosing what to wear, doing their homework without being under a “watchful eye,” and choosing their own hairstyles.  This coincides with our desire, as teachers, to have more independent learners.  At a third grade level, we expect our students to master cursive (yes, we still teach cursive) and their multiplication tables through the twelves, and we give them cubbies or lockers in which we expect them to manage their own items, remembering which ones to bring to which class and which to not.

   The next major exertion of independence comes at or around sixth grade.  This one is accompanied by a hormone-induced brain fog, so sometimes the need for independence masks itself as just a smart-alack attitude.  The pre-teen is experimenting with that most dangerous of areas:  his/her own opinion.  Major conflicts occur when the exercising of his/her opinion comes with a barrage of insults for your way.

  I deal with the last major peak annually.  This peak occurs in the senior year of school when the pre-college student “can’t wait to get away,” presumably from school and younger kids and from home.  This is when kids swear they will never be like their parents. (Newsflash, Kids:  you’re doomed!)  I have often told exasperated kids that this is how it is supposed to be during the senior year.  Parents are trying to get the last bit of mentoring in before their children become adults, and they’re not in the advice-giving circle anymore.  If God didn’t make it uncomfortable, teens would never leave! 

   And therein, to me, is where a new problem has arisen over recent years.  I see at least one parent a year crippling his/her children so that they won’t leave.  But I digress…

   I like the way our secondary math teacher explained it in regards to Cub/Boy Scouts.  I’ve borrowed it and applied it to school.  If your child were learning to swim, this is the way independence should grow:

    In preschool and early elementary, you should be right by his/her side.  Water wings and pool alarms are not abnormal, but at all times, that young swimmer is looking to you for almost every move.  You are the hand that stays under his/her belly as he/she tries out this new adventure.

   By the time your child reaches late elementary and middle school, you have put him/her on a swim team and you allow the coach to do much of the training.  In turn, you become somewhat of a coach to your child as well… guiding, reprimanding, fixing.

   Once your child reaches high school, you become a lifeguard.  Your job is to make sure your child knows the dangers out there and then rescue if /when he/she inevitably gets caught in the undertow.  This lifeguarding position continues, in lessening amounts, until your little one has a little one of his/her own.  Then you get to move to the “gloating” and “spoiling” phases of your life, and your child gets to battle his own little independence-seeker. 

   There’s a fine line between “establishing independence” and flat-out ignoring.  If you have trained your child to be independent, when he actually reaches the age at which he declares his independence, he will be ready.  If not, your teen will kick and scream as if you’re trying to push him off the high dive when he’s still sporting XL water wings. Then he will cling all the harder to you the next time you try.  I know it’s hard, Mom, but let your little boy grow up.  Dad, I know she’s your baby, but I want to teach her to roar. How your child expresses independence is directly a reflection on you, so do a good job!  A lot of futures depend on the leadership of strong, independent young adults. 

-          Michelle

“The shoes on my feet - I’ve bought it. The clothes I’m wearing -  I’ve bought it. The rock I’m rockin’ cause I depend on me. If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’ -  I’ll buy it. The house I live in - I’ve bought it. The car I’m driving -  I’ve bought it. I depend on me.” - “Independent Woman,” Destiny’s Child.

These lyrics were performed by none other than the Queen Bey herself, the original “Independent Woman.” They reject the idea of needing anyone to support you and embracing an independent lifestyle. The 2010’s have been the decade of the independent woman. The early 2000’s saw the woman as the sex symbol, the damsel in distress, the object. Of course, I am speaking generally and there were great accomplishments by women throughout this decade as well. The difference is, the 2010’s celebrate the idea of the independence. We see powerful female musicians like Beyonce, Adele, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj telling women that they don’t need a man and that they are #flawless. Similarly, we see actresses like Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence and Viola Davis playing characters who show us that independence is unbound by age. Companies like Dove are investing in young women and creating workshops and programs to improve self-esteem at an early age. In the political sphere, we saw 17 out of 34 senate seats up for reelection this year filled by women.

 

All of the representation of strong women in the media has encouraged independence that is important to instill in our children. We live in a world with a tough economy and an unforgiving job market. Independence is key to success. While I have gone on and on about the independent tone of the 2010’s, 2016 also saw the highest percentage of young adults living at home with their parents. This is very problematic. While there are situations that demand moving back home, many of the circumstances highlighted in this study were late 20-somethings living with their parents to avoid bills. Independence is partially learned, but it is also a decision we make. Helping your children to reach that decision can mean that they won’t live with you until they are 30 years old. By choosing independence, a person can begin his journey to reaching his full potential and becoming #flawless.

Bria

Independence is often interchanged with the word freedom.  However, they are not necessarily the same.  There is a lot of responsibility attached to the word independence.  Yet, today’s young parents seem to be giving children lots of freedom without any thought of responsibility attached.  I listen as parents tell me of their child’s need for freedom and watch as the child helps him/herself to anything he might find of interest to him.

I once stood amazed as an acquaintance of mine went through my formal living room, putting up glass figurines, collector’s pieces, etc. so her child might have freedom to play as the adults talked.  My immediate thought was, “What happened to a parent telling her child, ‘Don’t touch!’?”   It caused me to remember a family who had a child in our youth group.  Speaking of the teen’s younger sister, the mother said, “Oh, if she comes to your house, she’ll go through your drawers…that’s just the way she is!”

 

The last time I counted, “No” was not a four letter word.  Yet, many parents today act as if using that word to limit their child’s independence is a fate worse than death!  As a matter of fact, I just saw the headline on the internet as I started writing this article that announced the road rage shooting of a grandmother for driving too slowly down the road, ultimately resulting in the death of a toddler in the back seat. Perhaps this shooter was someone who grew up with no restrictions or requirements attached to his independence!  What has happened in our society?

Responsibility is a part of my everyday lessons with my students.  The first graders in my class have the ability to enjoy independence as long as their “freedom” doesn’t interfere or hinder the “freedoms” of others.  Being able to make decisions is a great confidence builder, but it can only happen when responsibility is attached.  Students must own the results of their decisions.  As long as I make clear to them all what can be done or not done, wise decision making can take place.  However, when a child chooses to make a decision that is directly outside my guidelines, I consider it “willful disobedience,” and I attach a fitting punishment.  Usually, two or three times of consistent punishment is all it requires for a child to rethink his/her choices.

Independence in my classroom allows students to get necessary materials out of their lockers, get out of their seat if a need arises, etc.  They have job assignments which they carry out first thing in the morning…quite efficiently because they know the boundaries of behavior.  This trust on my part keeps me from having to micro-manage the class every minute. 

If parents will choose to teach children independence based upon certain rules of behavior, the children will truly have freedom.  They don’t have to test the waters to see if Mom might get upset later, but they can act confidently within the parameters. 

Kay

Home

Home is a top of mind subject for a lot of people around the holidays. Whether you are going home, missing home or creating home, we all have strong feelings surrounding the idea of home. For me, home is my solace. I'm in a weird part of my life where I feel like home is my parent’s house, but I have also created a home in Chicago. However, when I think of going home, I still typically picture the house I grew up in and made memories with my family in.

As we approach the holiday season, people have various ideas about the idea of home. Some people love going home for the holidays, others go home to a broken home, or even worse some don't have any home to go to. While it is easy to get wrapped up in the festivities of the season, it is important to think of those who lack the resources to have the same happy holidays we know and love.

This year will be the first time in a long time that I’m not going to my parent’s house for Christmas. I have struggled to come to terms with this arrangement. Christmas is very important to me and I always want it to be perfect. It’s hard for me to be okay with change, especially with something as significant as the holidays.

Recently I have worked on an end-of-the-year giving plan at work. This plan would encourage people to donate to emergency services for their seasonal giving. This money goes to organizations like Operation Warm that provides winter coats for underserved children. It would also provide meals to low income families and seniors. Working on this project really puts my situation into perspective for me, and it makes me feel really selfish about complaining about the location of my holiday celebration.

During this time of year, it is easy to get wrapped up in the festivities and the excess, but we have to remember what is really important. I am lucky to be able to spend Christmas with my family in a warm house, with food and presents, surrounded by people that love me. To  me, this is what home is all about.

- Bria

 

The umpire declares us “safe” at home.  In tag, home base is the only safe place from being tagged.  And we call the initial page of a web site its “home” page.  We throw that word around almost as much as we do “love” (i.e. We love ice cream, Mom, and our country).  Having moved all over the west and midwest with my military husband, home has never been about the house we’re in.  Home is where my family is.  Home is the shared experiences we have and have had.  I experience home every time the ones I love and I bond over a game or a dinner or a movie or just conversation.  Home is the time our family shares with one another, and it’s truly where I feel safest.

Often my students will brag about all the electronics they have in their rooms.  I have been known to say, “Wow, if your parents bought you a microwave and a refrigerator to put in there, they’d never have to see you!”  This usually elicits a giggle or a “What a great idea!”, but there’s a much more acerbic intent in my comment, and it’s usually aimed at the parents. 

I remember a few years back when the trend of “cocooning” made the news.  At that time, the term was coined for the way in which we as a society would retreat to our homes at night after work and not come out until we had to go to work again.  The media discussed how this made people unaware of their neighbors and less friendly.  The teenagers of today have changed the spelling a bit and taken the term for their own use.  Cacooning is when a teen or young adult is unsatisfied with his physical appearance and stays in his room for months, trying to better his appearance and emerging as someone who is completely different… more attractive or more likeable, for instance. 

That is so very disturbing to me.  While I admire the tenacity of these individuals, I cry at the idea that a teen feels he (or she) has to work so hard to change a physical trait or characteristic.  How did he grow to dislike this feature so much?  True – there are those at school who will tell you all that is wrong with you.  That’s always been true.  What has caused the children of today to cacoon, as opposed to those of the past who let it slide?  I think it’s the talks with Mom and Dad.  Do you remember the standard answer to your confession to your parents that someone at school was mean to you?  They’re just jealous.  We all came out of that conversation knowing that we were superior to this person, and we should just avoid them.  Sure, it may have absolutely not been the case, but it caused us to move on… not to dwell on what people don’t like. 

The very fact that kids are cacooning means that they are dwelling on these facts.  The internet and what they see on social media is a huge part of the problem.  But I believe that an even bigger contributor to the issue is the lack of home  in so many houses.  A collection of individuals, related or not, who all live in the same dwelling but rarely spend any time together is not a home.  If you want to turn a house into a home, you have to invest in the people there. 

We’ll spend Christmas with the kids this year at my son’s new house… well, apartment.  I’ve been several times since he and his wife moved in. The signs of home are everywhere… building and craft projects partially done, shared cooking experiences, and gardening triumphs in both the front and back yards.  My daugher will seek her first “out-of-college” dwelling this spring.  It is my greatest hope that each will build a home of love and laughter and shared experiences. Then they can be as proud of their children as I am of mine.  Welcome, Home!

                                                                        - Michelle

Home.  A sentence is a group of words that expresses a complete thought; however, this one word says it all. (Yes, I know there must be a verb to be a sentence!) How often we express that overwhelming rush of emotions with this one word that says it all…home.  After an exhausting road trip, the sight of home brings welcomed relief.  After a devastating circumstance enters our life, nothing brings comfort like home.

            Now that I’m in my autumn years of life, and I have faced the deaths of both parents, I hear the refrain sung by Tom Jones playing again and again in my mind: “It’s good to touch the green, green grass of home.”  Of course, he’s singing about coming home to be buried.  Although I’ve hummed this song many times, I cannot feel I have such a place where I long to be buried.  In fact, I’ve never been one to become completely attached to anything.  Instead, I carry within the scrapbook of my mind many warm memories that can be accessed at a moment’s notice.  That seems to suffice in the realm of holding on to something forever.

            This past Thanksgiving, I found one of my staff coming to terms with her empty nest syndrome.  She brought all kinds of pies for our student lunches since she wouldn’t be cooking a big meal this year.  Then, I remembered that “stomach in my throat” feeling I get every time my children and grandchildren gather together with us for a holiday, and then leave for their homes.  Suddenly, my own home seems a little empty, a little less jovial and complete.  That’s when I take great comfort in the knowledge that God has prepared a home for us in Heaven where we will at last meet and simply say, “Home.”

                                                                           -    Kay

Goals

      Goal setting is a subject that’s easy to write about, but it is something that can be very difficult to do in reality.  Oh, it’s easy enough to identify goals; it’s just hard to create a plan to successfully accomplish them.  Perhaps the least successful ones are those made as New Year’s resolutions…so I never make those!

      I believe the most successful goals are those that arise out of uncomfortable circumstances.  If a person is miserable enough, a goal to never face that circumstance again becomes a driving force that can shape a life.  I had that experience in my childhood home of St. Louis.  Every spring, I would look out at our city’s grey skies, traffic-clogged streets, and never-ending concrete sidewalks, and long to be somewhere that had blue skies, grass covered fields, and trees!  That is why I love Oklahoma so much!  I love these open spaces, beautiful big skies, and of course, lots of rolling hills, fields and trees!  When I left for college at seventeen, I told my family, “I’ll never move back here again.”

      The hardest part of teaching students to set goals is getting the goal to be an achievable one.  It’s like choosing a topic for a research project.  Too often, the chosen topic is too large to cover in depth.  So, I help them to isolate a single part of the huge topic and to focus on that one aspect.  It is the same in setting the first goal: make it simple and fairly easy to accomplish.  Then, proceed in the same way you would eat an elephant…one bite at a time!  Once the beginning small goals are met, it is easier to plan strategies for the next goals, and on it goes.

      When I set a goal, I usually accomplish it.  I guess it comes from years of practice.  It may also stem from the fact that I would rather die than not fulfill a promise I make to someone.  Another reason I seem to be successful at setting goals and meeting them is the Bible promises that direct me to lean upon God.  “Trust in God and lean not unto your own understanding, and He will direct your paths.”  I also believe Psalm 139 which tells me God had a plan for my life while I was in my mother’s womb.  It has been a marvelous experience to watch as God has led people and events into my daily walk which have been part of the process of meeting His goal for my life during these past 72 years. 

                                                                                          - Kay

We are to the end of the robotics season at school, and I am already setting goals for next year’s competition season.  Isn’t that the way we work?  We don’t even take a day off before we’re planning what we can do better next time! 

     Goals are so important, though.  I have come to the conclusion that the ultimate “aha moment” in school is the moment a student realizes that we teachers are here to help him realize his goal.  Before that moment, he is just going to school because he has to.  Once he sees that we can be used to help him reach his goal, the working relationship becomes a side-by-side effort toward a shared goal, rather than a push from behind and a carrot out front.

    I had the pleasure of the company of one of my student’s parents on the trip home from robotics competition.  I listened as she told of gaining her university education in Vietnam.  She told of having to choose teaching as a profession instead of a medical profession because her family did not have enough money to build her a practice after school.  She spoke of dorm rooms, the same size as ours, with 24 students in each room.  Studying was impossible in that condition and there was no library, so she would find a street lamp or building light outside and sit under it studying till late into the night, all the time worrying about being assaulted.  Toward the end of her college education, the university got a library.  It would quickly fill up, so she and a friend would switch off holding each other’s spot and going to eat dinner just so both could be assured a safe study area.  She ended up getting hired to teach by that very university and loved it.  I see that same drive in her own children, each of whom is in a class two or three years ahead of what he/she should be in according to chronological age.

     Parents often ask me, “But how do I get my child to that ‘aha moment’?”  That is the million dollar question.  My advise is to take him to college campuses and let him see what’s ahead.  Don’t go on a summer day; go on a day when the campus is hopping with activity.  Give your child a vision of herself doing what these kids are doing.  Also, begin in early middle school pointing out strengths you see in your child.  “I’ve noticed that you seem to be able to see the bigger picture and not fall apart when things don’t go the way you’d like.  Do you know who has to do that in their job?  Managers, administrators, chief operating officers.  You might consider a job in business or management.”

    Your teen will have a counselor at school, but you are the best advocate for your child.  You know him/her the best.  You know strengths and weaknesses and how your child deals with stress and responds to certain situations.  Besides that, you’re the one God chose to mentor this young soul.  So, if you want a goal-driven teen, actively seek to motivate your child to make goals.  I guarantee you will not have any regrets!

                                                            - Michelle

You may or may not be aware of the social media trend to comment “#goals” on posts showing content that we are jealous of or aspire to be. This also includes relationship goals, parenting goals, etc. This comment basically says this is what I want my life to be like. We have talked in previous posts about the importance of goal setting, but this type of goal setting, based off of other people’s lives, is not ideal.

Being in the business of marketing, I have been able to study social media and its effects on our self-esteem and identity. We all put our best foot forward on social media, showcasing the best parts of our lives and presenting things as if they are better than they actually are. It is natural for us to want to do this. The problem is what this communicates to other people. Because we are seeing people at their best, we think our own realities don't measure up.

One of the most important factors in goal-setting is being realistic. While it is great to dream big, setting unachievable goals can be incredibly harmful to your self-esteem. Attainable goals help people focus and work toward long-term objectives.

To maintain your journey to reaching your goals, it is necessary to check-in at regular intervals. Ask yourself what you have done this week to contribute to achieving your goals? If the answer is nothing, you might need to reconsider your level of commitment to these goals.

The faster you start working towards your goals, the faster you will meet them, and continue your journey for self-improvement. This ultimately will make you feel better on many levels because you will be happy with your progress and how far you have come. It will also positively affect other areas of your life.

 - Bria

Excess

     I don’t usually get out on Black Friday shopping.  I once stood in line outside a ToysRUs at 4:00 in the freezing morning to get a free Pokeman game they were offering the first five hundred customers.  My son was a big fan, and I was going to really surprise him!  When it turned out to be a black-and-white photocopy of a little gameboard you might find in a coloring book, I decided then and there that NO bargain was big enough for me to stand two hours in the cold for.  Nevertheless, on Thanksgiving evening this year, I found myself in a line at Kohl’s with my daughter.  She got some great deals, we were inside and warm, and I wasn’t missing any sleep, so…  I found myself wondering about the massive purchases I was seeing around me.  Were these people just that more organized than me?  I never have any money left by the end of the month.  Did they save all year just so they could buy arm loads of towels, sheets, and pillows?  Good on them.  I could probably save a lot of money if I were more organized like that.  The following day, I overheard a shopper say, “We can always return what we don’t need,” and I wondered if itwas less “organization” and more “hoarding.” 

    We are in the season of excess.  Excessive parties, excessive big meals, excessive purchases and gifting, excessive sweets, excessive time off.  I cannot decide if the excess if our reward to ourselves for a long, hard year or just an indulgence we allow and pay for over the next several months.  I’m okay with either explanation!

    I think it’s okay to have a month of on-again/off-again excessive-ness.  It causes us to gather up loved ones and friends to share the excess with them.  It makes us spend extra time thinking of just the perfect way to show we love and appreciate those we gift.  It gives us an opportunity to have our childhood sweet tooth again and motivation to make our New Year’s resolutions.  Mostly, it just feels good!

   In this time of excess, I would like to encourage parents to do one thing with their children regarding excess:  teach them to pay it forward.  Because we were a military family and everything owned had to be packed frequently, I encouraged the giving of unused items to Goodwill.  At Christmas and birthdays, my kids had to give a toy to Goodwill for every new toy they were getting.  The idea was that someone less fortunate could have a better birthday or Christmas if there were some good toys for his/her mother to buy at Goodwill for him/her.  My kids have remained charitable into their adulthood, and I am sure it began with this simple act. 

   Last Friday morning, I saw a mother/daughter team on Good Morning America.  They had started an online program called iSOW.  Gabrielle, the daughter, had asked for a bike and enough money to start an investment account for her ninth birthday.  Instead, she got a Make Your Own Gum kit, two weaving looms, a butterfly conservatory, and a rainbow loom to sit alongside the one she already had.  Her mom, Tanya, began the site to allow kids to receive gifts that really matter.  On the site, kids can set up a fund for something for which they really want to save, and they can designate a charity to which donations can be made in their name.  I love this!  This is similar to a plan a lot of us parents used when my kids were young.  Money earned or given went into four places:  wallet (for immediate spending), tithe, short-term savings (for a trip or a bigger purchase), and long-term savings (for a car or college).  To encourage long-term saving, we matched every $50 put there.  The cool thing about doing it online is the ability to make other family members aware and let them help contribute.  Great idea!

   In this season of excess, I encourage you to make your children aware of opportunities to share the wealth.  It is too easy for kids to think the season is all about them.  If you help them see opportunities to serve now, you will be proud of the adults they become later.  I know I am!

                                                                   - Michelle

 

               Excess…I wonder about the timing of this topic…so soon after Thanksgiving dinner!  Oh well, I have certainly been thinking about the topic as I have been flooded with excess these past few weeks: football games almost every night and weekends on TV; Black Friday advertisements weeks before it is actually Black Friday; and of course, all that food on Thanksgiving Day!

               As an art instructor, I am always telling my students, “Less is best…excess kills!”  This is my way of keeping them from overworking the piece of art they are creating.  I can’t even count the number of students who have ignored this caution and cried with frustration as they faced the ugly truth that they could not recover what was once a fine piece of art.  However, once this experience takes place, the students usually seek peer advice and proceed with caution.

               I was born in 1944, so I am not a Baby Boomer.  However, I have kept up with the analysis that’s been done on them throughout the years.  I agree that they received a lot of gratification compared to earlier generations, but I also am aware of their great sacrifices during the Vietnam Conflict.  Now, I look at the indulgences given to generations who have never experienced a draft for a war.  Thank goodness for our volunteers who served our country in the defense of Kuwait and in the aftermath of 911.

               The amount of indulgences given to children can breed greed.  I once had a student in kindergarten  whose mother gave her $100 for getting her a cup of coffee when her siblings wouldn’t.  How does a teacher reward such a child…stickers, treats, etc. seem so mundane in comparison.  I hate the message we’ve sent to children at Halloween…go ask for candy…it’s all free!  Then, stores skip over Thanksgiving to get to the stuff Santa is going to bring them! 

               Probably the area I am most concerned about is the excessive attention given to the freedom of speech issues and the almost total ignoring of the rest of the Constitution.  This one document   has been the sustaining power for our country since it was written.  My prayer is that our desires as a nation for “excess” will not become a stumbling block to future generations. 

                                                                           Kay

It’s the most wonderful time of the year...or is it? 2016 has gotten a bad reputation for being one of the worst years in recent history. Aside from political tensions, police violence and the various deaths this year has seen, we are also at the beginning of what many call our next great economic crash. At the beginning of this year, we saw major financial journalists predicting a terrible economic climate for the United States this year. Checking in at the end of the year, we can see that this prediction has proved true. Inflation maintains its steady increase, starting with .07% in 2015, 1.7% in 2016, with predictions to rise to 2.0% by 2018. This country also continues to dig itself deeper and deeper into debt. People are beginning to feel a familiar hardship that we experienced circa 2007-2008. One might think that, presented with these facts, people might try to cut back or save for a rainy day. In reality, this Black Friday saw some of the highest revenue since its genesis, including over $3 billion in online purchases.

 

I’m not pointing fingers; I made a fair share of purchases this weekend. This time of year dictates excess. Advertisers everywhere sit around a table brainstorming new ways to make us spend more. It’s not too hard... a majority of Americans have the tendency to be highly consumeristic. For most of the year we keep this a secret, but during the holidays, we can justify these purchases because we are buying for others (most of the time). During the holiday season, everything is overdone: we eat too many calories, we spent too much money, we decorate our houses to an exorbitant amount and we celebrate. This is all justified because it only happens once a year, right?

 

We still need to be mindful of our limits. It’s great to celebrate and create traditions for your family and friends, but we have to think past the holidays. Last week we talked about the importance of impulse control. This is one of the most trying times of the year for our impulses. Rather than browsing the Amazon Black Friday sales and buying things you didn’t even know you needed, give that money to someone less fortunate than yourself, or save for something important. We are in a season of heightened spending; it's worth it to make this spending count. This year, don’t buy that 50% off drone or that reindeer costume for your dog (it won’t wear it, trust me). Use your money on something that matters. Enjoy the most wonderful time of the year, but don’t forget the months beyond December.

                                              -Bria

Impulse Control

Impulse control is something that should be ingrained in a child at an early age. Postponing this important lesson can determine someone’s potential for success at every stage of life, and those who cannot properly control their impulses often fall behind.

 

Impulses can be physical or mental, and the key distinction of an impulse is that it is a strong urge or desire to do something. An impulse can be positive or negative, but typically when dealing with impulse control we are talking about controlling negative impulses.

 

In college, I see this all the time. My peers who go out every night and skip classes often times find themselves falling behind. Because they are unable to control the impulse to drink or party, this has adverse effects on their education and dedication to their studies. Staying out late means that maybe they skip a class or two to sleep in or maybe they procrastinate on an assignment to go out with friends. However, the problem with this is that it is a slippery slope, and it's easy to keep taking it one step further. College used to be a time when people could fail in a safe space and be irresponsible because it was a time to learn these lessons. However, with the rising cost of attendance, getting a college education is now a personal investment that determines your future. The time to learn to manage your impulses is no longer college.

The sooner we learn to manage negative impulses, the sooner we can become successful, functioning members of society. So the question is, when does this start? My answer is, ASAP. Children in this nation are being enabled to act on negative impulses. This is why we are seeing a rise in childhood obesity, behavioral issues and consumeristic tendencies starting at a young age. We are not making our children learn how to control themselves, and thus we are setting them up to fail. It is important to push your children to learn to control their impulses while they are in a safe place with low consequences, because if they haven't learned this important lesson, later in life they will experience hardships that are completely avoidable. I urge parents to empower your children to be their best selves by teaching the hard lessons early. This will set the child up to be successful and it will make your time with them easier as well.

Bria