Impulse control, today’s topic, seems to be the lid on Pandora’s Box!  As I started thinking about this issue, I decided to see just what was being said about it on the internet.  Goodness!  I am suddenly aware of the problem that lies beneath most teachers’ frustration in their classrooms.  I had no idea how prevalent this problem has become.

                My husband, a clinical social worker, feels that exposure to the many chemicals in our society may be at fault.  Whatever, the fault, it is a major problem in schools.  Lesson plans are often sabotaged by one or two children who have impulse control issues.  Thus, today’s teachers must not only plan lessons, but also plan preventative steps to keep the lesson on track.  It is a process far more complex than one can imagine.  “What can possibly go wrong?” is a good place to start.

                Since I teach first graders, I see the problem of impulse control quite often.  My job becomes the beginning stage for teaching these children the skills for focusing, cooperating, completing tasks, and the proper emotional reactions.  Consistency and routine are very important to managing the classroom.  Yet, I love to add humor so we don’t become mechanical robots just completing a list of tasks. 

                I use games in the class to give us opportunities to practice impulse control.  These are thinking based games in which students have to physically balance objects to win.  The law of gravity cannot be argued out of existence, so when a child with impulse control plays the game, s/he usually begins to learn a change in behavior is necessary in order to “beat” the game.  This has proven to be helpful to these children, and it is rewarding to me to see them gain some control over their action and reactions.

                The best I can offer as advice to concerned parents would be to read the information given at www.understood.org.  I would also remind people to pray for teachers and the tasks we face every day as we deal with this problem.  

                                                                                                                Kay

I do not understand a current trend I’ve seen with several new parents.  Their toddler is running willy-nilly all over the place, grabbing everything in sight and sounding like an entire playground of children.  Very reminiscent of the Tasmanian Devil of cartoons. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad are patiently naming and explaining each item Junior has grabbed in a desperate attempt to quench their child’s “insatiable thirst for knowledge.”  What?!!  I’ve got news for you, Mom and Dad:  he’s not listening to you.  He’s simply following his impulses.  You have the right to patiently continue, though… as long as it’s not my stuff he’s grabbing, that is.  

  At what point does your child’s right to unbridled “learning” supersede others rights?  The line seems to be moving more and more, and because we do not encourage disciplining other people’s children in our society, we protect everything we can until the tornado’s interests lead him out our door.  Then we lock it.

   All kidding aside, the increasing number of students coming to school in America who lack any kind of impulse control is alarming.  Every thought they have gets a voice.  If they want to get up in the middle of a lesson to explore something else, they just do it.  Their flash-to-bang reactions cause disturbances among classmates, and their total disregard for safety rules on the playground (in favor of exploring without restriction) lands them on time out more often than not.

   What really stumps me is that the parents doing this seem to be well-educated, and most of the worst behaved children have had doctors determine that they are not ADHD.  The parents have  trained their puppy to pee on command, but they feel any kind of restriction of activity on their child will thwart his growth.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  ( Please note:  I am addressing kids whose parents do not discipline, not kids with special needs.)

    Being a principal in a school of gifted students means I have many very inquisitive students.  Some suffer from lack of impulse control (none at the level of which I was addressing above, thank heavens!).  The key to helping them is to break their will, not their spirit.  The spiritthat causes them to be curious is great; it should be nurtured. Willful disobedience in elementary school is never okay.   Yes, I understand the principles behind “Civil Disobedience.”  In fact, I teach it to my sophomores.  But, there is no need for civil disobedience in an elementary school.  What are we asking from your child?  Sit in your chair.  (Don’t ride it, crawl under it, or balance it.)  Speak in turn. (Don’t talk over others… including me.)  Do your work in a timely manner.  (Focus.) 

   The best way to teach your child impulse control is to teach him empathy for those around him.  Oddly enough, these same students are often the first to tattle on someone else following his impulses.  Parents must take the time to explore with their child what others are feeling when he doesn’t exercise impulse control.  If he cannot understand that his behavior is frustrating others, he is never going to figure out why he is beginning to be ostracized in class… and they will ostracize him if he’s getting in trouble a lot, mark my words.

    Hand-in-hand with a lack of impulse control is the inability to deal with disappointment.  This is because these kids are rarely disappointed.  It’s too risky to disappoint a child with no impulse control.  Ultimately, it will be the parent who is embarrassed by the child’s reaction when he suffers disappointment… so they don’t let it happen.  At school, we do, and I refer back to our TriOpinion blog on the benefit of failure.  If you want your child to be successful at school, you must do the hard work of teaching delayed gratification and grace when losing and the benefit of working from within a set of rules or standards.  To not do so is to almost guarantee you’ll be investing money in counseling later down the road. 

-          Michelle

Veterans

     I am married to a veteran.  JT spent 30 years in the U.S. Army and retired a full colonel.  He deployed to Desert Storm, to Bosnia, twice to Iraq,  and to Afghanistan, and he had tours that took him away from us five of those thirty years as well.  We even spent almost five years at the National Training Center, a tour that requires three weeks of 24/7 service every month, giving soldiers four days to recoup before beginning the cycle again.  None of these was as tough on him as retiring was.

    My husband bleeds green.  His desire to serve in the military began in the 7th grade when local veterans worked with him at the YMCA.  He was so impressed that he immediately decided he wanted to go to West Point to be like them.  After high school and a year at Marion Military Institute, JT got his appointment to West Point.  He attended Ranger and Airborne schools upon graduation, and received his first duty station:  Ft. Sill… where he met me.

   If JT had his way, he would have stayed in the military till he died, but thirty years is the max if one doesn’t make general.  At the conclusion of his service, JT was the highest ranking colonel on the post.  He was important and respected and known.  Within a month, he was just unemployed.  JT spent two years as an insurance salesman… a very humbling position.

This fall we employed JT at our school.  It’s been a steep learning curve, but he is a natural.  Even though he has encouraged the students to call him “Mr. Smith,” more than one still calls him “Colonel.”  The respect that title brings is back, and my husband feels necessary again. 

    On this Veterans Day weekend, I would like to encourage you to go beyond just thanking veterans for their service.  They are not used up when they retire.  Many began the career at just 18 years of age.  So very many are still relatively young when they have to retire, and they have so much expertise to offer. 

-        Michelle

Veterans’ Day has always been special to me.  Perhaps it is because I was born in April of 1944 close to the end of World War II, or because the Vietnam War left its mark on all the men in my family.  All I know is that I cry at the sight of an American flag marching by, or the sound of our rousing National Anthem being played or sung.  Here, in this military community of Ft. Sill, every day is ended with the lowering of the flag and the playing of Taps.  At 72 years, these things still cause a flood of emotions to well up inside my chest.

      I grew up watching the Hollywood movies about World War II and the Korean Conflict.  It was a monologue cutting from such a movie that earned my first A+ in drama class: a young wife waited every day for the mail to be delivered so she would hear from her soldier husband…only to receive the notification that he was killed in action.  Many in the audience cried with me as I portrayed the gut-wrenching scene. 

      How different it was to actually live that type of emotion in a war situation!  I will never forget the night my son-in-law came to say goodbye to our family and his new son before he and my daughter left for Ft. Sill where he met his battery of soldiers to depart for Desert Storm.  I cried as he told that little baby how much he loved him.  My heart ached as we each hugged him goodbye and told him to stay safe.  We each then played the waiting game I had dramatized years before as part of a high school assignment.

      The reality was that our son in law had to risk travel in the desert at night to reach a place from which a satellite call could be sent so Michelle could inform the wives of his soldiers that all were still well and alive.  She had the added task of asking wives not to send “Dear John” letters to their husbands and boyfriends while they were deployed.  In summary, it was a very emotional time in our lives.  Although our son in law lived through at least four war deployments, it was never easy.

      I am a devoted fan of our veterans, and their families, and pray daily for their safety.  I salute them for their sacrifice and courage in serving the missions set forth by our government.  And most of all, I salute my son in law, J.T. Smith, who truly was and remains an “officer and a gentleman!”

-        Kay

This week saw the conclusion of a rollercoaster of an election period. The decision left the country divided and many people feeling frightful for their country’s future. All of the backlash from the outcome of this race distracted the nation from another important day this week. While opinions are out about most things in the political sphere, the majority of people come together in the support of our veterans.

Last Friday was Veteran’s day. This was celebrated and recognized in different ways. Back home, it meant a day off school/work for my family. For me, it meant after work I got to go shopping and get discounts with my military ID. Some places hosted events, ceremonies and parades, but this Veteran’s Day seemed to go somewhat unnoticed this year.

Last year on Veteran’s Day, I joined my volunteer group at a courthouse in the suburbs to serve breakfast to veterans and collect war stories and memories for an NPR piece. In previous years I have attended ceremonies and parades celebrating our nation’s veterans. This year was just another day. Even the typical outpouring of love and support in the form of Facebook posts was much leaner this year.

I say all of this not to say that we as a country have forgotten our heroes, but to say that we have focused on so much about what is tearing us apart that we have forgotten what brings us together. This week we elected a President that wants to “make America great again,” but we can’t forget to recognize the men and women that have made sacrifices that have already made this country great. As we move forward as a divided nation, we must remember those who have fought for our right to be a nation. Rather than being upset about our government, be happy that we live in a free nation, that has a lot of problems, but has brave men and women defending our right to have these problems.

-        Bria

Fall

Fall is my favorite season of the year.  I get a sensation of a clean washing of the atmosphere as the first cool, damp, dew-filled mornings of fall awaken all my senses.  The glorious colors of the forest foliage almost make my eyes throb.  It is a time of crisp sounds such as the breaking of leaves, and the scurrying steps of squirrels rushing to hide their store of nuts.  My lungs seem to breathe more deeply than at other times of the year.  Thus, I begin each day of fall thinking, “It’s a great day to be alive!”

My memories of driving to Colorado and New Mexico just to view the golden colors of the Aspen leaves are embedded deeply in my mind.  The joyful delight of our children playing with our dog in huge piles of fallen leaves out in the Wichita Mountains comes to my mind every time we drive out through this beautiful area of our state.  I remember bon fires with young people who were part of our youth groups; a memory stirs when the smell of smoke drifts out of chimneys on cool fall mornings.

When I reached my 50th birthday, I felt that I was beginning the autumn of my life.  I had a new sense of confidence since I had weathered the storms of life through a half-century.  I also began to notice that women seem to be at their most beautiful stage of life.  An excellent example of this would be how much more beautiful Sophia Loren became at this stage of her life.  It is akin to the glorious coloring of the trees in fall.  Now that I am in my seventies, I begin to be aware of the coming season of winter.  I find my steps a little more carefully taken. I am more cognizant of the need to “slow down and smell the roses.”  Just this morning in my Sunday School lesson, I read one of my favorite quotes: “ I expect to pass through this world but once.  Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now.  Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” – Stephen Grellet

What more could I say?       

-        Kay

Fall has always been a special time for my family. Long before the pumpkin spice latte, I would wake up to the smell of pumpkin bread baking in the kitchen. I would walk out of my bedroom to an array of orange, yellow, red and brown transforming our home into seasonal space that rivaled Hobby Lobby’s fall decor.  To this day, I won’t officially transition into Fall until the first time I make pumpkin bread. Although I have moved away from home, I still look forward to going home for the holidays and being greeted by decorative leafs, pumpkins and the smell of a cinnamon broom.

As an adult, I have been able to build on these traditions. I love making my own applesauce from apples purchased from a farmer’s market or picked from an orchard. Halloween is also one of my favorite parts of the season. I always make sure to go all out with my costume and decorate my house with bats, skulls and pumpkins. My absolute favorite part of the season is Thanksgiving. Whenever I describe my family’s Thanksgiving to my friends, I tell them that it is a production. We start cooking the day before and make way more food than we could ever dream of eating. Everything is perfect, down to the leaf plates and the copious amount of dessert.

Every family has traditions, but most of my favorite family traditions involve Fall. This is one of the reasons why I love this season so much. I believe that it is really important to establish family traditions. Traditions contribute to a family’s identity and provide comfort and lasting memories. Traditions can also bring a family together in a really special and meaningful way. As I grow older and begin to create my own traditions, I will cherish the traditions of my childhood and the happy memories they have created for me.

-        Bria

      The topic this week was chosen because it’s a light topic, and all three of us are in the middle of very heavy work loads.  Mom (Kay) is recovering from shoulder surgery… by continuing to do all of the requirements of her job as full-time teacher and superintendent and lunch lady.  Bria is nearing finals in her three masters-level courses -  which means lots of projects coming due – while working full time.  And I am in the time of year when every Saturday is spent with students at some kind of competition. 

    Besides, who doesn’t love fall?  At the first sign of cool weather, the sweatshirts and sweaters begin appearing, everything we eat and drink is flavored “pumpkin spice,” and curling up on the sofa to read a good book or watch a football game is Sunday standard behavior.  For a season that precedes winter’s “death,” autumn sure is beloved.

    What is our fascination?  Is it the warm, earthy colors of fall?  Is it the traditional baked goods? Tailgating?  Leggings with boots?  Just what makes us love this time of year so much?

    Before this season was called “fall” or “autumn,” it was called “harvest” because it was the time between August and November during which farmers harvested their crops to make it through the long winter.  Maybe that’s the reason we like it so much.  Maybe we’re “harvesting.”  I offer:  Bria is approaching finals, the culmination of a semester’s work, packaged up and ready for evaluation.  My students have spent hours and hours preparing for competitions, and now – in fall – they will “harvest” that work and see if it is sufficient for success.  I could apply the harvesting analogy to Mom’s shoulder injury, but I’d probably get in trouble… so I won’t go there! 

     While we dread the prep work for that harvest, there is something fulfilling about actually doing the harvesting.  It’s like a last final push and a big “how did I do?” before a well-deserved winter’s break.  Happy harvesting to you and yours! 

-        Michelle

Choosing Kindness

No, I didn’t pick this topic because the candidates for President are predominantly NOT choosing kindness!  My inspiration was our school’s robotics team.  Lawton Academy has participated in BEST Robotics, Inc. competition at the Heartland BEST hub in Alva, Oklahoma, for eleven years now.  We actually began competing at a different hub twelve years ago, but within a year we moved to Northwestern Oklahoma University (even though it was farther away) because the university faculty in charge of the competition was so very kind and helpful.   

BEST Robotics competitions are different than many of the robotics competitions out there today.  For most of them, the kids pay a fee for a robotics kit, and they build a robot with that kit, tweaking parts for strategy.  In BEST, the kids are given a piece of plywood,  a sheet of metal, some PVC, screws, four motors, six servos, and a VEX “brain” to program. (There’s a bit more, but these are the main components.)  The kids have six weeks to figure out how to turn all this into a robot that can perform a set of given tasks in three minutes.  There are no instructions; participants are encouraged to enlist the help of engineers in the area.  Because of the steep learning curve, many teams fail the first year and don’t try again. 

My team was contacted by an OKC team and asked some questions.  Then they were contacted via Twitter by another middle school team.  They helped both.  On competition day, the kids helped both of those teams and a third new team with complications with their robots between rounds.  It was great to see!  First of all, how many competitions do you see in which competitors help each other to do better?  Second, how many teens do you see take the initiative on their own to help others on opposing teams? 

By the middle of the day, Heartland BEST staff were finding me to tell me what a wonderful kid one of our team in particular was because of his help.  They wanted to meet his parents and thank them as well!  Good sportsmanship has always been one of our main goals.  It was nice to see the kids rewarded so heavily for their kindness.  (By the way, we won 2nd place and are moving on to Regionals!)

Because I coach a variety of electives, I get to attend a variety of professional meetings for coaches of those electives.  MathCounts, vocal music, robotics, band, and speech are the primary electives.  It is interesting to me to see how differently the organizations function.  My favorites are the robotics and speech.  Everything about BEST Robotics encourages working together to promote engineering, science, and technology – not the team itself.  My students have become friends with kids from all over Oklahoma.  Speech competitions are like family reunions.  We meet at one team’s school, where we perform our speech pieces in front of other teams’ coaches and get feed back on how we’re doing and what we can improve.  All participating are encouraging every one around them to do well.  The coaches actually begin to feel as if they are team mentoring the entire body of speech students.  Consequently, when we get together for large speech meetings, the only consternation is in making decisions that don’t equally benefit small and large schools.  It’s a very friendly atmosphere because the powers that be chose to incorporate kindness into the process.  In turn, the kids choose kindness more often than not.

In a world that posts derogatory comments by the millions daily, we could learn some lessons from the people who structured BEST Robotics and the Oklahoma high schools’ speech programs.  To get “kind kids,” we have to cultivate kindness.  The students participating in these two activities are the same kids posting the derogatory comments.  They just know not to do it when in these competitions.  Does that not, then, mean that WE as a society are responsible for the abundance of negativity?  Isn’t their willingness to be kind when asked to be proof enough that they just need the right conditions? Hmmm.

                                                               - Michelle

Showing kindness is becoming a lost art in our society.  Watching parents at sporting events, along with the present election coverage on TV and radio, has almost convinced me that our society no longer knows how to be kind.  Have we actually become a modern day Sparta where offspring who were seen as weak were killed? 

I was in college during the 60s when protests and questioning one’s upbringing were in full swing.  Yet, I don’t recollect the ongoing meanessI see happening all around me today.  This is not my age painting my perspective…it is fact as reported daily in the news, on the internet, and in our schools and places of business.  I do remember noting throughout the past decades that TV increased the uses of put downs to the point that I haven’t watched a weekly comedy since the Reba show was popular.  It appears from the ads I see that, according to TV, all families have dysfunctional parents and very smart wise-cracking children.  American men seem to be portrayed as intellectual dwarfs!

There have always been class clowns in school.  Today, however, anyone who seeks a moment of attention from his peers seems to choose a put down or a cut-low as his mode of operation.  I do enjoy and am thankful for the one or two students who choose a kind word for others.  They are few and far between.  So, I make it my aim to acknowledge that whenever it occurs.

My husband and I were in a Subway getting a sandwich when we noticed a father with two teenage sons ordering.  Both young men were polite, spoke kindly, and treated their father with respect.  We were so impressed that we bought their meals for them.  They told us it wasn’t necessary; our compliments were enough.  But my husband insisted, saying it is necessary.  Perhaps if more people complimented acts of kindness they see happening around them, the idea will spread.  My elementary students are looking for SCAMO… Showing Caring Among Myself and Others.  We tell them no one wants to celebrate a SCAM.  That’s true whether it is self-indulgence or cheating someone else.         

-        Kay

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

                                                                                  -Aesop

2016 has been a rough year for everyone. Between the countless acts of gun violence, police brutality, natural disasters and this awful election, this year has been very grim. People groups have been tearing each other down and our country is divided. Tragedy is becoming more regular, making people numb to terrible happenings. The new year is right around the corner, and many will look to the new year to bring with it hope that has been missing. With just 63 days left of this year, there is still time to turn things around.

At the beginning of each new year we make resolutions. Often times these resolutions are things that will better us as people. Some want to drop a bad habit while others want to drop a few pounds. Most of the time these resolutions are superficial and are not seen through to the next year. We don't often think about making a resolution to make the world a better place. We could choose to be kind to others. After a terrible year full of hardship and hate towards others, a resolution of kindness is exactly what we need.

The quote I included above shows us the first step to fixing the hardships that 2016 brought us. While grand gestures and major movements are important, the little, everyday acts of kindness are important as well. As we approach the year end giving season, it is important to think about your part in making the world a better place. There are many organizations in the nonprofit community that can use our help to make a difference. Getting involved with a nonprofit is a great way to make a direct and immediate impact in your community.

The Tuesday after Thanksgiving is Giving Tuesday. This is an incredibly important day for nonprofits. It was created in response to the consumerism encouraged by Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales. Giving Tuesday asks people to take a portion of the money they intended to spend at these sales and donate it to a charity of their choice. Giving Tuesday is a great way to give back, but donating money is not the only way we can make a difference. Volunteering is another important way to help nonprofits. Anything you can do to give back and put kindness into the world is incredibly important.

All of our individual acts of kindness matter because together, they make a huge impact. If everyone commits to choosing to be kind to his fellow person and to put good into the world, we can make 2017 much better than 2016.

                                                                                - Bria

The Pressure of Deadlines

Deadlines are something with which we are all very familiar. Everyone is always working under a deadline. Although we have an understanding of the term, it meant something very different at its origin. The term deadline dates back to the Civil War. The first recorded use of the word was found associated with prison camps at Andersonville, GA. The deadline was an invisible, or sometimes marked, line that the prisoners could not cross. Guards were instructed to shoot any prisoners that crossed this line, meaning that anyone to cross the line would be dead.

Over the years, this definition has evolved to mean the latest possible time that something can be completed. While the definition is softer, sometimes the implications can feel similar to the original context. We live in a society driven by deadlines, and missing a deadline can have serious consequences. This is why it is important to be realistic with our workload capabilities.

While it seems like a good idea to try to take on as much as possible, it's better to do less -  better and on time. Overcommitting can lead to missed deadlines. Being realistic about how much you can get done is important because it allows you to turn out more consistent and high quality work.

At the same time, arbitrary deadlines can mean that tasks will not get accomplished in a timely manner. Deadlines are important because they keep us on track; they just need to be managed correctly. When we approach deadlines correctly, they can be used as tools to manage productivity.

                        - Bria

Meeting deadlines…. that’s a never-ending battle!  As I reflect upon my past week, enjoying fall break on the white shores of Alabama’s Gulf coast, I am reminded of the presence of reoccurring deadlines in my life.  It is much like the little Plover, a sea coast bird that runs back and forth along the beach catching and eating small morsels of food washed in with each wave of the sea.  He no sooner gets a bite or two of food until a new wave, often larger than the previous, comes barreling down upon him. 

In the Plover’s case, the constant running and dodging of the waves is a life-or-death situation.  Typically, it is not that life-threatening for us as we meet our deadlines.  Yet, we often act as if it were, making life miserable for everyone around us as the clock ticks down.  Being a gifted person myself, I recognize my tendency to put off something until the last possible minute it can be done to meet a deadline.  I have a strong sense of commitment, so I will accomplish the task, but Heaven help those who might be in my way as I give my all to finish before the deadline!

Why do we do this?  Perhaps it is because we hate to say no to requests for our time or input.  Perhaps it is because we have no sense of time management.  I do know that the stress it can cause is probably not worth it.  I have learned from my very wise husband that taking on too much can lead us to the false conclusion that “I just don’t have enough time!”  He reminds me that I have the same 24 hours per day that everyone has.  So, I am learning to take on fewer things and to truly concentrate on what are really the important things in my life.  My preacher reminds me that no one says upon his deathbed, “I wish I had spent more time working!” 

I have watched the federal government set deadlines over and over for us to meet. We do whatever it takes to meet the deadline…only to have the government take its own time in returning its acknowledgement of our status.  Perhaps this aggravating stance on its part is due to the fact that they can say, “When all else fails, change the rules!”  So, until I can control the rules of the playing field, I will have to learn to meet deadlines.  But I can save unnecessary wear and tear upon my life and that of others around me by setting priorities and starting the task earlier.  Now, I have to hurry and get this off to Michelle before our deadline!    

-            Kay

Sometimes it seems that my life is an endless string of deadlines! Deadlines to enter speech, vocal, band, and math competitions; deadlines to get report cards out…there’s always something pressing.  The two deadlines that stress me the most are the robotics engineering notebook and the yearbook due dates.  Both require a lot of work to be done at the very last days.  So many people are working on portions of each, and a small group of students and I put it all together for the two days before it’s due.  I must admit that I’m not an extremely patient person during those two events!  I am always happy with what we have produced, though. There’s such a great feeling upon completion – especially if the job was done well.

     Teaching is a great profession for me because I love “beginnings” and “endings.”  I can’t describe for you the excitement of a new academic year.  Even though I teach many of the same lessons, no two years are the same.  Each year has its own personality.  The year begins, and in a steady procession, one deadline after another comes and goes, each exciting in and of itself. 

     I cannot imagine a life without projects and deadlines.  I know that there are people out there who do a job day-in and day-out without ever experiencing any kind of deadline pressure, but for the life of me, I cannot imagine why they would choose a job like that.  During the summer time, when I’m only teaching summer camps and all contests are on hiatus, I get so bored in the evenings.  Teaching camp makes the days go quickly, but there are no deadlines on which to work during the evenings.  I just about go stir crazy!  Maybe it’s the adrenaline.  I don’t know.  I just know I love to be busy.

     Gifted people are by nature procrastinators.  If it were not for deadlines, many big ideas would never become reality.  As a parent, don’t protect your children from the pressure of a deadline.  In fact, go so far as to set some deadlines for them.  They deserve that great feeling of accomplishment when they meet that deadline.  Besides, the jobs worth having all have deadline assignments.  Look it as prep for their future lives!

-          Michelle

Reputation

As you may know, I’m currently pursuing my MA in public relations and advertising. In PR we talk about reputation management. This is a strategy that a brand uses to shape the way in which its public views it. This might consist of presenting a brand in a certain way on its social media networks. It could also include a certain manner in which that brand conducts itself publicly. Many major companies have an employee that works on reputation management for the brand. Obviously, reputation is incredibly important to brands, but it is also important for individuals.

Another thing we talk about in PR is your own personal brand. The idea is that we as people have our own brand. Everything we put out into the world and everything that we are as people represents our brand. Like major brands, we must also do reputation management. For me, I manage my brand by keeping my social media clean and my outward facing communication professional. I made a decision when I started my own social media profiles that my content would be clean and non-controversial. I do not post anything with negative or inflammatory language, religious/political concepts or themes, and even when I want to, I hold back from social media fights. This develops my brand as professional and inclusive. Because I don’t share opinions that would isolate anyone, I am able to keep a very neutral and positive appearance on social media.

I believe that reputation is one of the most important factors in the hiring process nowadays. Employers want to know that you can conduct yourself in a manner that is consistent with the company’s values. By managing your reputation and personal brand, you can use the same strategy brand’s use to shape people’s ideas of you as a person. This empowers us to take control of how potential employers view us. If we have the power to manage the way in which people perceive us, why wouldn’t we?

-          Bria

Reputations – businesses thrive or die by it.  The Proverbs teach that a good name is worth far more than riches.  They also teach that people tend to remember unpleasant things rather than the good things people have done with their lives.

When I started Lawton Academy of Arts & Sciences, I was relying upon my reputation to bring me students.  I had no financial backing, no government grants, and I wasn’t making any income other than my teacher’s retirement, which turned out to be far less than I expected.  Thank goodness my reputation did bring me eleven students, and thus began our academy seventeen or so years ago.

My students have always heard me teach them that a good community reputation is very important.  When they worked with me in establishing that, local businesses and places of interest welcomed us back.  I am happy to say that I have been proud of the standard my students achieved all these almost fifty years I have been teaching.  It certainly opened a lot of doors for us.

I am dismayed at the presidential campaigning right now. I wonder what impact this will have upon the thinking of our students.  Just Friday, one of my first graders was playing a game of skill with our class.  He had to try to roll a marble onto a small circle drawn on a mat.  When his marble made a sudden turn with a crease in the mat, he exclaimed, “Wow! That was a Donald Trump move!”  I dared not ask why the remark, but the whole class found it to be funny.  I wonder just how much these six-year-olds have heard on the news!

-          Kay

What a timely topic – in light of the current run for the White House.  If past reputations aren’t getting in the way there, I don’t know what is!  I have been in my chosen career for almost thirty years now, the last fourteen being at our private school.  I often think about what my reputation is.  I didn’t stay at the schools the first fifteen years long enough to gain much of a reputation because of the military.  I wouldn’t be concerned about those reputations anyway because I won’t live in those places again.  I do worry about my reputation at this school, though, because I will live here probably the rest of my life.  When I think back to the early years… man, I was so out of my league.  I had been teaching elementary and middle school for all of my career.  My first class at Lawton Academy was similar to a one-room classroom.  I had fifteen fifth through eighth graders.  It was fantastic.  Then I made a move to include high school at Lawton Academy. I had taught high schoolers in Sunday School and youth programs, but I did not really understand what was ahead.  I made many mistakes – mistakes that were necessary to me becoming what I am today – but mistakes nonetheless.  My son was in that first class of high schoolers.  I do a much better job now, and I sometimes wish I could have been better for him.  But then I stop myself from thinking like that.  He has pointed out to me several times that the first group of high schoolers we had were very smart kids rebelling against society’s definition of “school.”  It took that type of strong-minded opposition to forge a high school like ours…very similar to our Founding Fathers!  I pretty much just held on as they laid paths that my students enjoy to this day.  Oh sure, the ratio of student control to my control switched places gradually over the years, but I would say that at least 60% of what we do at LAAS was put in place by these early groups, and that 60% is a lot of what makes our school so appealing to youth. 

     Since then, our typical high school student is one we’ve pretty much raised in our program.  Now, that 60% that was originally put in place because of rebellion against the status quo expands my high schoolers’ visions about their future.  They see a much bigger picture than most kids their age.  I am very happy with what we built.

     I made a lot of parents very mad during that time.  I was letting kids explore and invent.  That’s always dangerous.  Kids made sketchy music and questionable art, and they exercised political opinions that often ran contrary to their parents’ beliefs (including my own child!).  It wasn’t just the “exploring” that made parents mad – don’t get me wrong.  I made a lot of rookie mistakes that I’d love to sweep under the carpet.  During that time, people either loved me or hated me.  Nobody was ambivalent!

    Fourteen years later, I still am embarrassed by some of those mistakes, but I am proud of what we’ve built.  We have turned out enough great students that our school’s reputation has become a really good one.  Our parents and I have a really good working relationship, and I think I have established the reputation of being “fair.”  That’s huge to me. 

    Recently my husband joined out faculty, and we have begun making a plan for our future with the school as part owners.  We don’t want the world.  We just want to make sure that the students who come through Lawton Academy of Arts & Sciences know that they can make a difference and that difference can be made beyond their hometown.  If I make it to old age with a reputation of being true to that goal, I’ll die a happy woman. 

-          Michelle

Consequences - Both Good and Bad

            Consequences…to many people, it is a four letter word!  In this day of “being my child’s best friend,” it is a concept that changes with the mood of the day!  I grew up in a time when consequences for breaking rules or showing misbehavior were always immediate and impressionable.  Therefore, I find it difficult to understand why parents don’t use consequences more in guiding their children’s growth.  I am a constant witness to the blackmail children use to persuade their parents’ behavior.  It seems the shoe is on the wrong foot.

            One of my previous students was so angry that his mother wouldn’t buy him a video game he wanted, that he marched out into the middle of our local WalMart parking lot and started crying and screaming at the top of his lungs.  He told all customers passing by that she was going to beat him when they left.  He pleaded with them to save him.  Consequently, someone called the police and the mother got a visit from the Department of Human Services.  This six-year-old thought it was funny that her mom got into trouble.  Perhaps it is the fear of being reported to the authorities that prevents parents from using more successful discipline methods. 

            If we look around us, nature is full of consequences which result from certain actions or conditions.  If plants aren’t watered, they die.  In the same way, if plants aren’t pruned, they become a massive array of unwanted growth…often preventing the growth of flowers or fruit, which was the original purpose for the plant.  So it seems to be with our children: leave them to their own desires and habits without any guidance, and the paths upon which they may travel could be disastrous!

            The other problem I’ve seen with consequences is the habit of many parents in reacting instead of thinking through a situation.  Thus, a child is restricted in a certain way for two weeks.  Then, it becomes a burden for the parent to constantly monitor the status of the punishment.  It takes thought to carry out a successful consequence, but the results are usually positive change.

            The last problem I see in this area is the failure of many in carrying out the consequence they promised the child.  Our “busy” lifestyle often causes a memory lapse…and the child simply outwaits the parent. Don’t say you’re going to do something if you have no intention of carrying it out.  As an administrator, I learned to think quickly on my feet.  To prevent such a memory lapse, I promised the child to be disciplined that it would be a “Woe be unto you!”  They always asked what that meant.  I smiled and said, “Just you wait and see!  It isn’t good!”  Then, I would go and consult all of my “how-to manuals” and find the best solution I could.  To this day, I’ve had former students mention my “Woe be unto you!” speeches.

-        Kay

Why does the word consequence always conjure thoughts of its connotations rather than its primary meaning?  Maybe because we usually only hear it from those in authority.  An ad agency marketing a product by saying, “Here are the consequences of your action” (buying their product) sounds ridiculous, even though what they do tell us – it’ll make your insert body part here look amazing – is actually telling us the consequence (or at least the one they know you want)!

            A little over a decade ago, I was amazed when the principal at the public elementary at which I taught banned any and all forms of punishment for undesirable behavior.  Instead, we were to build a “refocusing area” in our room.  When a child caused a disturbance, we were to send that child to this area where he could refocus attention on maps or puzzles or something of that nature to take his mind off of whatever got him upset in the first place.  “I can’t tell him what he’s doing is wrong?”  I remember being quite perplexed. 

I’ve been here at Lawton Academy ever since, and I thought this idea had gone by the wayside.  So, you can imagine my concern to find that it is alive and well in many day cares around town.  Consequence doesn’t have a negative connotation at these places… it’s not even considered.  Wow!  Is the kid supposed to innately know that he shouldn’t do a certain action?  How in the world does he “learn better”?   Increasingly, we are seeing tantrums to get one’s way in our youngest students. 

Equally distressing is the rally cry of the helicopter parent who informs the teacher that her child should not be held accountable for bad behavior because of insert stresser of the day here.  Stress shares the burden of only being used in its connotative form. 

So about now, you might be thinking I’ve baited and switched; this is really a piece about discipline.  I would like to see children receive discipline for bad behavior… it certainly makes my job easier.  In fact, when I see a parent disciplining a toddler in the midst of a tantrum, I thank them; conversely, when I see a parent give in, I mutter sarcastically, “Oh, her teachers are gonna love her!” (Usually only loud enough that I feel better but they can’t hear me, though!)

But what I really want to address is the inability of consequences to affect much change nowadays.  When I was a kid, we had a few standard assemblies every year:  don’t smoke, don’t take drugs, here’s what to expect when you get your period, and that embarrassing tablet that showed the plaque on your teeth.  Now the kids are bombarded with warning messages:  Stranger Danger, substance abuse, protect your body, internet safety, and the list goes on.  I find myself wondering if kids haven’t said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I get it.  It’s all dangerous.”  And then put their headphones back on to at least signal that they are ignoring us. 

In the same vein is the lack of effect of good consequences.  Ahh, for the good old days when a star sticker meant the world.  Let’s face it:  the reward for working hard in school is not incredibly tangible until we’re just about to leave. So teachers turn to small rewards that will motivate in the meantime.  Rewards, in and of themselves, are not a bad motivation. After all, we work harder for a bonus or an extra day off.  The problem is that nowadays everything is reward-driven.  The kids are earning badges on computer learning sites, trophies for participation in sports, and money for A’s on report cards.  I’ve had students look at my offer for a reward and say, “Ehh. That’s okay.”  If there was some inkling that the thought behind that judgmental nod was, “No thanks, Mrs. Smith.  I don’t do this for the rewards,” I wouldn’t be too concerned.  It’s more like a “Is that it? I’ll pass” statement. How is a teacher’s reward supposed to compete with an iPhone or a $60 set of headphones or the latest tablet and apps? 

When consequences become inconsequential, society reacts with a knee jerk.  The grade schooler who shoplifts gets prosecuted; the middle school practical joker who dials 911 and hangs up gets a $750 ticket.  It’ll be interesting twenty years down the road to evaluate the consequences of this reaction.

-        Michelle

Consequences are the forces that drive us to make the decisions we make every day. Although we typically categorize consequences as solely negative, consequences are the outcomes of our choices, both positive and negative. I believe that if we boil it down, all intelligent life forms are motivated by consequences. Initially, I would have said all humans are motivated by consequences, but being a pet owner and watching my dog make decisions based upon reward or punishment leads me to the understanding that anything with the ability to reason will use this ability to live according to consequences.

Starting at an early age, we train our children to react to consequences. If a child lashes out against another child, he receives a negative consequence of “time out” or losing a toy or experience. If the child behaves appropriately, he might receive candy or a toy as a reward. By instilling this idea at a young age, we train people to act based upon consequences.

Similarly, we train animals to respond to reward and punishment. Both children and animals can instinctively react to consequences. As the child grows up, this mindset is reinforced. If they do well in high school, they will be accepted into a good college, and if they get into a good college, they will land a great job, right? Right? Wrong, this is not guaranteed, and this is the problem. We raise our children with the idea that if they perform the right steps, they will receive the desired reward. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

It's dangerous to train our children to take steps towards a tangible reward. While obtaining rewards such as employment and success are important, they are not guaranteed results from good actions. So many people get to graduation thinking that if they just do the right steps, everything will work out, because that's what we’ve been told.

Rather than chasing success, we should chase a reward that will come from making the right choices for ourselves. If the consequences of our choices make us sad, we made the wrong choice. If our choices makes us happy, then we know we are doing right by ourselves. While employment and success might make some of us happy, others might find joy from other sources. Instead of waiting for consequences to happen to us, we have the ability to determine consequences that will please us, setting us apart from the way in which animals approach this issue. Being mindful of consequences pushes us to seek what makes us happy. If we live our lives seeking happiness, we will be successful because we will have achieved what is important to us.

                                                                      -  Bria